I think the thing I miss most is having someone that understood my humor. Even if you didn’t find it funny you understood why I found it funny.

‪I tried to use you as my escape. From my stress, my sorrows, my dark emotions. And it let me avoid facing myself as the person who felt all those things and having to sort through them myself.

It’s been only two days. But my mind races‬ at speeds, I realized, faster than others. Always calculating 5 steps ahead as a defense mechanism. It prevents me from “living” sometimes but it’s me. So it’s only been two days. But it already feels like a lifetime because my mind has already raced through a lifetime’s worth of thoughts, ideas, realizations.. yet I’ve still a lot more to do.

I want to use this time to face myself. I miss you. God, I miss you so much. Talking to you about every part of my day. Talking to you about all the funny things I see. Every day. Good nights and good mornings almost every day. God, I fucking miss you so much.

But here we are. I hated the person I became, preventing you from being happy. I hope that in facing myself, I’ll be able to process everything. And this won’t happen again.

Step 1: get used to not demanding his attention and not getting his attention

Step 2: accept you aren’t what he wants

Step 3: accept that he found someone he wants

Step 4: be supportive and happy for him that he’s found someone

Step 5: regain the self sustenance you had before him.

Step 6: once you have completed all previous steps within yourself—embrace him as your best friend again.

Lets see how long this takes.

I lost my best friend

And I think I’m more heartbroken than when I was rejected.

Why’s it so damn hard to be a normal human being

Sometimes I feel strangely at peace

And that can be the most dangerous times.

I just really hate bandwagoners.

Go Ayano on Arashi’s hiatus.

“Five loves.

Everything is not infinite.

It is finite.

I’d like to properly accept this and slowly face it.

I am proud to be living in the same era as them.

With love and gratitude.

#5x20”

I love that Ayano Go is in just as shock as everybody else and is really saying this not only from a friend’s perspective but from a fan’s perspective.

We will get through this together. 💚💜💛💙❤️

Go Ayano honoring Arashi’s decision.

“I see. So that’s what it is.

5x20 is 100.

That’s a perfect score.

They createmiracles for us in every aspect.

It’s so moving, I could cry.

Today’s the day to move forward.”

“To the fans, we will forever be arashi” - Nino

“2017, mid-June, I gathered the other 4 members and told them how I felt. How I felt being that I would like to end my work as ‘Arashi’ in 2020.

Using arashi’s 20th anniversary, and the year 2020 as a punctuation, I’d like for Arashi to take a break and for the five of us to go about our own paths. I feel that I want to live without being tied down by anything, to live freely. This is what I told them.

After that, I spoke with each member numerous times. The five of us discussed this many many times and as a result, we decided to pause our activity as “Arashi” as of 2020.

Each member has their own thoughts, we’d like to carry those thoughts through to the end of 2020. 

Though this is a sudden announcement, to all the staff and personnel that has supported us, and above anything, to every fan that has rooted for us, I am sorry. 

 There are no words to express the amount of gratitude I am filled with. Thank you very much. 

During this time until the end of 2020, I will carry through all that I was destined to do right now.”

“2017, mid-June, I gathered the other 4 members and told them how I felt. How I felt being that I would like to end my work as ‘Arashi’ in 2020.

Using arashi’s 20th anniversary, and the year 2020 as a punctuation, I’d like for Arashi to take a break and for the five of us to go about our own paths. I feel that I want to live without being tied down by anything, to live freely. This is what I told them.”

Arashi is disbanding as of 2020 December 31. 

You were in my dream again

It was a bunch of us at some cabin during the winter and you ignored me the whole time to play ping pong with some other chick. At the end you guys kissed and I yelled out “don’t you fucking dare.” I was surprised at the me in my dream bc I would never do that irl. Anyway. Then he tried again and she hesitated so I clarified, “I’m not his girlfriend or anything, y’all do you.” Then I ran outside in the snow, tripped on something and sat there for a while. He left with her. I never saw him again.