✨ History student

Moodboard requested by @p-andore

I Cried That Night

(A very very personal poem)

I cried that night you told me you couldn't sleep

Because you were in love.

You said you couldn't sleep because reality was finally better than dreams.

I cried that night because I was your reality

And you still felt like a dream.

I cried that night because I couldn't believe it and I pinched my arm wondering if you were a fantasy.

I cried that night because you were so far away.

Because though we lay under the same sky, we were miles apart.

I cried that night because I thought I'd never get to feel your face in my hand

And your hands in my other.

I thought I'd never get to feel how rapidly your heart beats while I lay my head on your chest or how your pulse

quickens and your grin broadens when you look at me.

I cried that night because I'm jealous of the people who get to see you everyday

I cried that night because I was scared.

I was scared of love, and of people who wouldn't welcome it.

Because we are too young to know what love means.

Is it looking at each other feeling like you found a lost piece of a puzzle?

Is it finally feeling like you're good enough because they can't seem to stop reminding you how amazing you

are?

Is it the fact that they know how weird you are, but still wouldn't change a thing about you?

Is it waiting on your toes to see them again?

Is it feeling a rush of adrenaline when you see them because you can't hug them because too many eyes are

watching?

Is it the assurance that they plan on loving you for a long time?

Is it the fact that you can share your wildest dreams with them?

If that sounds like love to you

Then that's what it is.

You said you'd hold me in your arms and stare at the constellations above, and I said I'd stare at you because you

are my galaxy.

It'd be only you and me, a sky full of stars

And the whole friggin world

Speeding on highways, driving cool cars

Sing along to the radio, off tune, wrong lyrics

Save each other from dragons, and share books

We'll bungee jump off cliffs, and build campfires

The road’s beneath us, the horizon is in view

And I can't wait to live this dream with you.

I cried that night because I was happy and in love.

With you.

~srao

@nararah-srao

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You Died

You died and left me bleeding 

Yearning for your heart to beat again 

For your warm skin beneath my fingers

You died and left me crying 

No magic could ever replace the feeling of you 

My heart bruised from the lost

You died and left me broken 

A part of me gone with you 

I will never be the same again

You died and so did I

You came back and my wounds mended 

Different face, same essence 

My love for you unchanged

You came back and my tears dried 

I can touch you again, feel you near 

My heart once again beating for you

You came back and built me up 

The missing pieces slowly filling themselves in

Even if the pain is still a reminder of the times you were gone

You came back and so did I

hot winds & dry bones

of course we romanticise

insanity

but it’s only because

it’s just too hard not to.

i am a graceful nymph

when I am empty;

hollow bones and ethereal light.

i am a true goddess

until the hot winds blow

and, ashamed, i eat again.

there are some nights

where i don’t wake up

i sleep soundlessly in the darkness

i can take comfort in the folds of my blanket

nights where silence is my friend

and it only takes me a few moments to find sleep

i can close my eyes

and let the world around me fall away

but i can’t decide how the night will treat me

sometimes

i let the darkness outside of my window swallow me whole

sometimes sleeping with clothes on at night doesn’t make me feel any less vulnerable

there are nights where i can’t move

i can look around at the shadows in my room

and suddenly i’m the smallest thing in it

nights that feel too dark even with all of my lights on

nights that feel too quiet even if there’s music playing

nights where i feel too lost and too tired to search for myself.

Melancholy

I thought that I was going to sleep

But I sat up instead and watched

The colours crackle and pop

I remember counting sit-ups on two hands

Five sets of twenty-five every day until

It felt so easy it wasn’t working out

And I missed the burn in my stomach

I remember loving a girl so much

I drew lines on my skin in bloody ink

To match the lines on her skin that made her so beautiful

That made me so shameful

Until it no longer was about love (it never was)

I remember drinking until I hated the taste of peppermint

Taking pill after pill to feel

My veins rush so terribly and my organs come undone

The haze in my mind didn’t hide the panic

This is it, this is it I’m going to die

It was a satisfying terror that I sought

I remember the curl and churn in my guts

Walking through blazing hallways “unfeeling”

Headphones in just to muffle this deafening sound

Knowing friends by their gaits

Because their eyes were too dangerous

Sadness and concern I couldn’t handle at the time

A cup overflowing with self-inflicted emotions

I remember the thrill of fooling them

Lying about likes and dislikes

Chewing ice, drowning in the sweet bitterness of coffee

Everything tasted like ash, voices screamed

I was a stranger to myself, first and foremost

And secondly to everyone who thought they knew

Why I swam in sweaters rather than swimsuits

I thought I was going to sleep

But I weep

At the memories bleeding into the present

Feeling like failure and

Giving up

All at once

(And I’m grateful)

Perry M. // Fin

I can’t.

I’m cold and alone,

Wrapped up in my depression

And still I can’t leave.

You know

When you sit on the floor

With your legs under you

For a little too long

And your feet fall asleep

It feels unnatural to stand up

I’ve frowned for a little too long

It now feels unnatural

To smile

In fact it hurts a little

I’m learning.

I’m learning to take a scalding hot shower

when I want nothing else

but to shred my own skin.

I’m learning to take deep long breaths

when I want nothing else,

but to rip someone else to shreds.

I’m learning to weave the ends of my life in,

real tight,

so no one else

can use what I tell them

against me.

I’m learning to speak out of love,

even when rebuking,

to show mercy,

even when provoked,

to choose the third option,

even when only faced with two.

I had to fall ten steps back

to move a thousand forward.

brain

why do you betray me too

we have to collaborate

we only have ourselves to count on

left

- nightmares

he says

you’re in a car with a beautiful boy

and you are

and you have been

and you will be

and you can’t remember the last time you weren’t in this car

or the last time you weren’t with this boy

or the last time you saw the sun

it’s just streetlights

and broken storefronts

and half a moon

and hot recycled air

and freckles on shoulders

and neon through his eyelashes

and hands

your hands on the steering wheel

his hands clenched together

hands shaking

hands reaching

hands in the corner of your eye

hands making the hair stand up on your neck

hands falling back without touching

hands shaking

his hands clenched together

your hands on the steering wheel

and something heavy is hanging over the passenger seat

it’s anchored to your heart by a balloon string

and if you counted out his pulse

you’d find that it’s a morse code confession

you’d find that the angel on your shoulder is already on his knees

that the devil on the other is licking his lips

and you wonder how much longer this is going to take

you wonder how great the feeling has to swell

before it splinters your spine

you wonder if this is the pain that will finally break you

you’ve heard that the bones in your legs are stronger than steel

but all you know is that there’s a knot that never healed right on your second rib down

and your heart didn’t hire any new security

you know that the sun will rise

you know that you will have to go home

you know that the tank will run out of gas

but right now eternity is happening

and his hand is so close but it’s so far away

and the words are so close but they’re so far away

but somehow you think he knows

you think he must be able to smell it on your breath

to feel it in the way your heat expands to fog up the windows

you think that you can hear it in the way his chest stutters at every red light

he says

you’re in a car with a beautiful boy

and you are

quintessence

as i grow older, i see more & more patterns stitched into existence

and finally, i understand why we live the same narrative over and over again;

it’s because it calms the storm, sewing a skin of sense

onto a world that never stops

//

the mouth is what we are— a void that always asks for more

all we can do is eat our dreams and dance in the sun

there is not much time and yet there is far too much

I will drive a thousand miles

in my dreams tonight & with

my hands stuck in midnight,

the clouds will melt the sky -

I was counting stars when I

should have been counting

on you - am I more than a

feeling yet? I still remember

every word you’ve ever said to

me, but I would ruin any day

just to spend more long

nights with you

Years ago, we

had potential; our

eyes shone like

cities as they

witnessed numbers

multiply and split.

Today, we

drop tears on

mirrors as our

reflections curse the

glass on which

they live.

Our home is

cellophane around

our mouths and we’re

always sorry.

Sayaka Ooue (via incorrect-corpse-party-quotes)

Like or reblog if you save, sweetheart x

yElLoW AeSthEtiCc

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I GOT THIS AND I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

there are over 128,000 notes and i still got one

how

i reblogged this less than 2 minutes ago

how the actual fuck