Jazz
guy who doesn't understand how escalators work: you can say anything you like to people going the other way on the escalators. you're legally protected. everything is permitted
dropped my phone on my balls
my spell worked
fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk
As a european i sometimes forget furefkied are actually real and not american folklore/cryptids. Like you’ve got friendly little bugs that glow in the dark….. b r uh
A part of growing up and becoming an adult that we don’t talk about enough is when you get really obsessed with oatmeal
sex change?? no thank you i like sex how it already is haha! 🧙🪄🪄🧙♂️ ugh the wizards are fighting on my post again
the gordan ramsey of lube when you forget lube: it's fucking RAW
Me visiting the god damn monkey attack beach: "There better not be any god damn monkey attacks here"
>be me
>try four-player chess
>somehow win 1st game
>get checkmated in a 2-sided attack in 2nd game
>get paired against person who checkmated me last game in 3rd game
>checkmate other 2 players
>winning position against my old enemy
>nemeisis, AznBlzn420 sends chat message
>”blue this is only your 3rd game :) you look like you don’t win very many games I’m going to give you this one :)”
>AznBlzn420 has resigned, blue wins
>me yelling “COME BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME YOU COWARD”
>unable to enjoy my victory
>plotting my revenge
>i hate four-player chess
your own petard is basically the most classic thing to be hoisted by
what the fuck do you mean “overstimulated” I acted like that because I absorbed all the noises and stress and textures from the grocery store because I’m an empath
i love when they draw a carrot on top of the carrot cake just to remind you this aint no ordinary fuckin cake youre dealing with
this is among one of the funniest ask i have ever seen someone get sorry