tucks you in and kisses your forehead then shows you my knuckle tats that say SEEP TITE

Sacrifice to the Sorting Algorithm

Reupload from 2021.

i hope donkey kong walks into my house and smashes a barrel over my head killing me instantly 

i wonder if the person who wrote this knows they changed the course of history

I missed it. What happened?

grocery store mission barely accomplished took massive damage to the hull and all internal systems. shield repair could take days

why so problematic batman? -the canceler

I'm crying and praying The Canceler is gonna get you for this

Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil

Psst @picturesofseals it's your seal deal(er)

this is poetry to me

Amazing work from @mimles on insta

wha......what is he thinkin bout.....

absolutely love this shot where rose is watching her home planet die off after five billion years and the doctor is just slaying off in the corner

As promised, it is (nearly) midnight, and this is my father in my Sniper cosplay.

Is it bad that my dad perfectly fits it, sobs.

tf2 heritage post

Thank you tf2 heritage post blog for reminding me, 11 years later, that tumblr is still weird about my dad in my sniper cosplay.

no problemo i’m here to dig up your posts that you made when you were 12

Perfect woman

She’s everything to me

Games where you can pet animals

This turned out to be pretty hard to research, so additions are even more welcome than usual.

Keep reading

My dad used to drive us around all the steel mills and refineries outside of Gary and Chicago when we were little. I have loved them ever since. I feel the same bliss as when I look at a beautiful castle.

Painting I made inspired by the refineries