the thing is you say you lost me but you never did we still were friends after we broke up you still had me there talking to you i still called you i was there
you never lost me
but i did as i returned i had realized you stopped caring long ago
but you keep opening wounds that haven't even healed yet
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PAIN
CUT THESE ARMS CUT THEM
ill CUT YOU OUT OF ME
i CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE
Its early in the morning im boutta fall asleep i get a call finally you called it made me so happy i thought you were gonna be like
heyy baby i know youre having a tough time but i just wanted to say youre doing a great job im proud of you and its ok you failed last time success comes through trying i love you baby girl youll do amazing youre my world i believe in you
instead of that u came here to cut me off make me cry and leave me in anxiety again everytime you sigh on the phone and say omg bc i am crying i get even more hurt
why cant you be nice to me?
im crying losing my shit
got my test in a few hours and honestly I've been dreaming for this job since a kid.
The kid who smiled even when everything fell apart around them the kid who saw other cops and dreamed of being one whenever i heard the sirens.
that kid who had diamonds in her eyes
the kid who had joy, motivation
in a few hours the test will come and I couldn't be more fucked over than this.
If I mess it up It wont even hurt
ill be like whatever and leave
no longer do I have any joy
no longer do I have any motivation
We talked things out yesterday and It feel way better.I don't have as much anxiety as I used to.
but it still is there.
Mornings and nights are the worst.
I wake up gripping my pillow or blanket hoping its your shirt I talk to myself and Imagine you there next to me
I go to sleep hugging a pillow and I hug it even more tight wishing it was you I think about the entire day we spent together what we talked about what you said what I said
I realize my eyes are wide open as these thoughts cross my mind I blink a few times
I just am so scared that you are going to leave me in the dark again and let me down I'm still traumatized but it affects me less now
still at every text I get I am nervous
Everytime we argue and I see you texted me I feel cold water going down from my back to my knees
I feel the heartbreak inside me
I'm scared
do you even see the shit I post about you
"I can't feel death, I've died a thousand times"