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help me obiwan kenobi youre my only hoe

@masteratgettingcaught

sideblog | I think mainly star wars

Had Padmé been 20-30 years older than anakin instead of 2-3 it wouldve fixed a significant portion of the franchise, including padmé's own chracterization

he whole "'woah we're doing something we shouldn't this is going to ruin both of our lives" doesn't ring true in the original movies cause they're just two beautiful young people doing what they're supposed to do in a story. the cliché kills the dramatic tension. give me a 45 year old woman ruining her career life and reputation because a dumbass 19year old monk is pathetically throwing himself at her feet THAT'll give the audience something to be anxious about. It's not something people expect to happen.

Would also explain why all the authority figures are like "Sure, lets put this notoriously disobedient and hotheaded beautiful youth as the sole escort of an equally beautiful young woman who's had the entire world on her shoulders from childhood. no prophecy twins will result from this". i could see obiwan allowing it because he can't deny anakin anything, but what about the rest of the jedi council??? What about padmé's own people? The choice of anakin as bodyguard looks like bad optics even if nothing actually happens. What about her reputation??? It would've been satisfying if they'd actually leaned into it instead of vague hints. Like padmé says its improper but nothing in the surrounding world actually makes it seem that way. The prequels at least didn't do a good job establishing the jedi as sexless and chaste. They just seem like cool hot guys with swords of COURSE they fuck.

but if she's 45, even if she's beautiful, a lifetime of dutiful service to the republic would make most people go "ah she would never sleep with a teenage monk, doesn't matter if he asks". Plus the general social standards of star wars being actually identical to those of our own society they'll probably be like "well what would a 19year old even want with a middle aged woman?" the thought wouldn't even occur. She'd be desexualized by virtue of her age so of course give her a hot young bodyguard no one (including the audience) is gonna see potential for impropriety

AND NOW WE COME TO ROTS. Its not impossible for a 45 year old woman ti get pregnant (average menopause is 50 i assume also in space until proven otherwise) but it is rarer, and it would make sense of anidala not to have been expecting it. It would also underline, again, that this pregnancy is a genuine threat to their lives and careers, because two young people in love secretly married having a baby is literally fine. its normal. the audience will forgive and even applaud even if the wider society in the movie doesn't. but a 45 year old senator with a secret baby?? that she's KEEPING?? like already in the original she shouldn't have kept the baby but the movie is christian and the audience too the vibe is "noo pregnancy is beautiful its luke and leia awww". We should be SCARED about the pregnancy.

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Luke was an invasive species in the tatooine ecosystem if you think about it, like he grew up in a space deathworld full of bounty hunters and slavers and this pansy boy was like ugh.... this place is so boring.. nothing to do... what do you MEAN you moisture boy sandstorms come in once a month there's the constant danger of tusken raiders jabba tries to raise the water tax every other week there's a fight in the marketplace every single day, what do you MEAN its boring

He shot womprats in his spare time and he was like oh.. so boring.. so bland :((( meanwhile the womprats are feral creatures the size of a wolf that can bite your head off, he threaded the needle with his skyhopper in breakneck speed and he was like :] fun and wacky activities to do with your friends,, seriously it's no wonder that he took all the wacky jedi stuff in stride because that's literally what's normal for him. Insane stuff happening all around him is just another Taungsday, he did shit like this every day after his chores were done on Tatooine. As a jedi he's like oh golly gee! Another beautiful day of smashing stuff and raising hell! His head is full of flowers. But those flowers are carnivorous and also insane

I suspect Beru killed a lot of beings to keep that boy safe. His ferality was learned from the best.

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Luke has owen and beru on his shoulder, Beru tells him to punch that mf and Owen tells him to just please go back home and grow tomatoes or smth

I think it's funniest if Luke and Anakin have completely opposite opinions on sand actually

Anakin: I don't like sand, it's course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere UGH

Luke: I like sand. Reminds me of home. The good old days when all I had to worry about was not being allowed to go to tosche station to pick up some power converters :') I would happily take a sand bath

In conclusion, there are two kinds of Skywalkers

It makes it funnier to know its canon too tudijdjsjdjxjd

OH MY GOD SDHLFHLKF YESSS

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I can’t stop laughing at Carrie being told “NO” by Mark. Also, Harrison Always Knows Best.

This is from a documentary called “From Star Wars to Jedi” released in 1983. Thanks @wookieekisses because I found that bit thanks to your post!

They’re figuring out the beats of the scene –while Harrison is tied up–.

So what Mark said about them basically having to make everything up themselves (with Harrison as impromptu leader) is true.

The original films were only good by accident and thats why none of the prequels or sequels worked

The original films were good because a lot of non-George-Lucas people worked hard to make them so. Carrie, Mark and Harrison fixing the dialogue wasn’t an ‘accident’. Marcia Lucas didn’t fix three films in edit by ‘accident’.

The prequels and sequels didn’t work because they thought that George Lucas was the genius behind the films, when they were a success despite him, not because of him.

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So what I’m seeing here is that Harrison Ford directed the movie.

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not to add another AU to the list, but... AU where Obi-Wan is a fed-up senator who gets Anakin, Palpatine's adopted son, but more importantly secret Sith apprentice, as his assistant against his will, because Palpatine is trying to teach him about politics, patience and deception.

featuring lots of office shenanigans, Vaderkin dealing with work emails, Obi-Wan wondering why the Chancellor's son looks like he wants to murder him every time he asks him to do the bare minimum and if nepotism will ever end, and Palpatine being surprised that Obi-Wan's corpse hasn't been thrown through a window yet.

Obi-Wan hasn't been defenstrated yet because his impatient snappy peevishness yet calm and controlled demeanor is making Anakin's hind brain want to kneel and obey and he's so confused and yet intrigued he hasn't killed Senator Kenobi yet.

Doesn't help the man is very very... attractive. With his eye crinkled and silver temples and bright blue eyes... yes, Anakin will kill him eventually, and it will be painful and probably with a data pad bashed through his handsome face but for now Anakin is going to figure out why Obi-W—Senator Kenobi makes him feel all squirmy inside.

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👀👀 I was already adding details to this AU and I'm gladly accepting this too now!

But of course I can't stop myself from writing more about it:

Anakin might be a good little Sith when it comes to thinking with his lightsaber, but Palpatine is getting annoyed with him for only having two moods; murder and brooding. So he forces him to learn about deception, lying, and manipulation and can't find a better school than the Senate for that. He throws him at the least important senator he can find (so his death would be easier to cover if Anakin ends up killing him "by mistake") and hopes he will learn to at least stay seated for more than 12 minutes without getting bored.

And that's how Anakin Skywalker becomes Senator Kenobi's assistant.