*Illegally downloads a life*

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

Everytime i see this post i cant help but reblog

This is what boys will be boys should mean

Yo you are absolutely right

i rlly dont want the theater industry to die. seeing a movie is like?? a hard emotional reset when i need it most. get away from my family + my house and sit in big dark room for 2 hours eating overpriced food???? that is the closest i will get to heaven before i die. i love movie theaters so much. please God let them live

facts only

Why the fuck am I seeing shrek slander on my dashboard right now. Did any of you even watch the goddamn films. I can’t believe this. You guys don’t deserve shrek.

Fuck you Fiona was already an ogre and was trying to hide that part of herself because her parents told her to be ashamed but shrek helped her accept that part of herself and become her true self unapologetically! Fuck you 

OP is lord farquaad

Always

sure is a shame that i can’t control the elements to reflect my current emotional state. not that i need to be any more cool, sexy and powerful than i already am but nonetheless i think i deserve it

Coldplay @ VH1 Storytellers 2005 

depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!

me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week

families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful

actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.

Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*

My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.

Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines

My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap

My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.

Therapist in media: serious face the whole time

My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*

therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”

my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???

my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now

Actual things my therapist has told me:

“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)

“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”

“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”

I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.

I love genuinely innocent “boys will be boys.” Just saw a guy come out of a frat house to poke a pair of jeans they’d left outside - they were frozen solid, and as soon as he confirmed that, like twenty more boys came rushing out of the house going “YOOOOOOOOOO”

I heard grunting outside my window the other night and there were four boys struggling to push this giant snowball (like 7 foot diameter) down the sidewalk.

I once lost my keys at a frat house.

My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully-disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch.  Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out.  I do not remember this part.

The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house.  I stood there, right in front of the front door.  This was a novel experience for me.  I’d never been at a frat house in broad daylight before.

A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. 

“I lost my keys in here last night,” I called back.  “I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?”

He opened the door and gestured for me to come in.

“Go wherever you want.”

I’d never seen a frat house post-party before.  Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light.  A few of them threw puzzled glances my way.  I’m sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination.

I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed.

“Do you like dog movies?” he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket.

I told him I did.

He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking for my keys.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen any keys around here.”

I didn’t doubt him.

Twenty minutes had passed.  I’d searched just about every bedroom and nuclear-waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house.  I’d given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates’ forgiveness and get a new set copied.

As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly-burly frat boy approached me.

“You need help with something?”

“I lost my keys here last night and I can’t find them, I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do they look like?  I’ll put it into the group chat.”  He was already pulling out his phone.

No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell.  It was worth a shot.  “Um, it’s just a ring of keys.  The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big.  Like bright pink, you can’t miss it.”

He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat.

“Alright, I sent the message out.  Good luck.”

And with that, he turned and left.

A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering.  It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder.  One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me.

“Someone tell the girl!” One of them shouted, faceless in the mob.  “Girl!  Hey, GIRL!!!  We found your keys, girl!!!”

They circled around me.  I hadn’t felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old.  One of them split himself off from the crowd.

“Are these -” he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, “your keys?”

And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

“Yes,” I whispered.  “Oh my god, yes.”

“EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The cheer went up.

Turns out he found them in the bathroom upstairs.  I thanked them again profusely.  There was a scattered round of “no problems” and then, just as suddenly as they descended, they all dispersed, like ships in the night.

I think the best “Boys will be boys” situations are when they all collectively share one brain cell over the most simple of tasks

me as i ingest unhealthy amounts of carbohydrates to drown out my problems 

Can I get uhhhhhhh…..uhh.. a significant other?

that kind of love that’s “i was scared until i found you.” that kind of love that’s worth it to try romance again. the “fuck i’ll try cheesy if it just makes you smile” love, the roses and love notes and wine bottles. the twinkle light love, the “let’s go on this romantic date only to spend the whole thing being silly” love, the dancing badly to slow songs love, the “i don’t know how you make me laugh so much but seriously stop it i’m trying to drive” love. the “i trust you love,” calling late at night because a secret just welled up in my throat love, the first person i talk to so i can figure out this decision is you kind of love. the “i was hurt before and had given up but then i found you” love, the incredulous in-awe love, the wonder love, the are you actually real or am i dreaming you love. the “i didn’t believe in soulmates before you” love. that kinda love.

everyones going through something be gentle

I babysit for a girl who use to think her mom’s name was “my love” because her dad said it so often to her and that’s just freaking cute I can’t

When u wake up and ur teddy bear is on the floor

Too Cool To Do Drugs Pencils - WTF fun fact

Tumblr would enjoy this I thought

I love reading how my video of my dogs cured people’s depression. They’re so wholesome.

Dog 1: Mesmerized, pure, wholesome

Dog 2: Absolute madman

I’ve watched this 5 times and each time is better than the last

This oxygen mask is bullshit I look nothing like oxygen

I’ve said this to people in their face and they still keep doing it. Ugh…

Cmon…. support your boy….. he’s nervous….

brad once fed me pepper spray without my knowledge