“start your free trial now” what if i told u i am already experiencing trials. and the cost is more than i can bear

i hate when a skippable ad starts with some shit like “you’re probably going to skip this ad 🙄” like. yeah! what are you hoping to achieve by starting it like that? thanks for at least being self aware i guess!

you gave me enough time to skip the ad before you even had a chance to advertise your shit to me! you have wasted both your money and my time

“go ahead, skip this ad” i mean if you’re really going to force my hand like this

i have a genuine quashtion dont make fun of me.

Computer show me men in a collar and leash. Men on their knees looking up with hunger and obedience. Computer. Computer i need this.

"is Pluto a planet" has no objective answer. "planet" is a category humans defined for linguistic convenience.

Pluto is a small cold roundish thing going around a big hot roundish thing. everything else is social construction.

your ability to understand this is about a lot more than Pluto.

How it feels to be a hater but u only hate in private with ur best friend so it hurts nobody

honestly the impact of frustration is seriously underestimated. like as an emotion i think it's not seen as intense as anger or despair or even joy or excitement. and yet being frustrated is the quickest route to meltdown. for me at least. there's something about how it's just got nowhere to go that makes it so overwhelming and unpleasant. and it gives you just contradictory responses to the situation can do you keep trying, do you get angry, do you cry and get upset do you throw up like what

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

Fun story my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a lil screwy.

Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany.

And your tuba

I am love’s weakest soldier. I don’t believe in making that shit work. Don’t like their family that they’re super close to? Break up. Don’t like their friends? Break up. Wedding planning drama? Break up or elope. They cheated? IMMEDIATE break up. They’re jealous? Break up. They don’t like your pet? Break up. You hate the squalor of their apartment? You’re not obligated to teach a grown adult how to do basic chores, break up. They keep trying to start arguments? Break up. There is nothing definably wrong with them but you’re not feeling it? Out the door.

I get fighting for your relationship in some of these scenarios if you share assets or are married but if you’re just dating and they’re already making your life worse than it would be if you were single, go be single.

Thank god soulmates (one person destined for you that you will never be happy without) aren't real but soulmates (people you understand and connect with on a special level, multiple, some of which you havent met yet) are real

When someone tells me I look tired I don't get offended I'm like thank you for noticing my anguish

#myanguish

Eyewitness Series II by DK Vision (1996)

some people are afraid to be cheesy. I live my whole life on the charcuterie board

monday

One must imagine sysiphus as a hamster

speaking of volcanology i am at my LIMIT with people thinking that yellowstone is "overdue". Its not fucking pregnant. if it ever erupts again we'll have decades if not centuries of warning. whenever theres "increased activity" there it means something vibrated a bit more or something.

and while we're on it the eruptions happening rn are also not out of the ordinary. what kilauea is doing is not a cause for alarm. volcanoes erupt all the time its a part of our planet I am losing my mind

They aborted the Yellowstone super eruption because of woke

this is true

she butterfly on my effect til i (gravely serious) everything could have been different