Avatar

My Ambition In Life Is To Own A Sword

@marriedtoabed

Just a chaotic lesbian making her way today, she/they 18

Streaming companies are the landlords of media. You will rent in perpetuity, and never actually own anything.

✨🏴‍☠️ PIRATE AND DOWNLOAD YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA IMMEDIATELY. PIRATE AND DOWNLOAD YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA IMMEDIATELY 🏴‍☠️✨

1. Download Firefox

2. Add the following extensions: uBlock Origin, AdBlocker Ultimate, Privacy Badger, Privacy Possum, minerBlock (ClearURLs and Don’t track me Google also recommended but not necessary for this)

3. Go forth brave soldier

Complete DVD rips of Always Sunny seasons 1-5 are up on the Internet Archive. Episode commentaries, bonus features, bloopers, deleted scenes, etc etc. all episodes soft-subbed in English, French and Spanish. Go nuts.

I'll continue adding to this archive when I can, I plan on archiving various commercials and internet exclusive content from FX's YouTube channel as well, since they've been taking various videos down lately. Seasons 6 and 7 are coming soon, and hopefully seasons 8 and 9 will be as well.

it'd be really fucking funny if you met your significant other in a saw trap. like you're at a family reunion and some distant cousin asks how you met and you have to be like "yeah they had to pull out some of my teeth. but the chemistry was great."

when you get married you send jigsaw an invitation as a joke but he actually shows up

Avatar

listen I’ve seen none saw movies but I have seen sleeping beauty so I would rather invite jigsaw to every significant event in our relationship than risk not inviting him

Applying for jobs is a hell designed specifically to torment autistic people. Here is a well-paying task which you know in your heart and soul if they just gave you a desk and left you alone and allowed you to do it you would sit there and be more focused and enthusiastic and excellent at it than anyone else in the building. However, before they allow you to perform the task, you must pass through 3-4 opaque social crucibles where you must wear uncomfortable clothes and make eye contact while everyone expects you to lie, but not too much (no one is ever clear exactly how much lying is expected, “over” honesty is however penalized). You are being judged almost entirely on how well you understand these very specific and unclear rules that no one has explained. None of this has anything to do with your ability to perform the desired task.

It is hell! I want to acknowledge that the original point of the post is NOT fixed by my providing solutions (the way jobs are filled makes no sense), but also I want to leave some notes for folks struggling with these unspoken rules. 

Some brief notes on the correct kinds of “LYING”:

  • Always use “I” expressions, instead of “we”:
  1. eg “I created a solution to a recurring problem by doing [x].”, even if it was really you and two others in a group
  2. If you LED the group (or did project-management), you can say, “I led a team to create a solution to a recurring problem by doing [x].”
  3. This is because employers like to know that YOU can do, and they also value team-leadership. If you say “we”, they may stop you and ask what You did specifically. You can avoid this by just saying “I”.
  • Someone asks if you have experience in a program (like excel):
  1. If you feel confident using it:  “Yes, I am very proficient.”
  2. If you have used it a few times, and could at least google what to do next: “Yes, I have good experience.”
  3. If you don’t have any experience: “I have used it before. I generally pick up programs very fast, and I’m a quick learner.”
  • Mistakes (some interviewers may ask about a time you made a mistake, or a weakness of yours):
  1. Good answers are those with solutions.
  2. Bad answer examples:  “Sometimes I don’t catch mistakes before sending things.”  OR  “I don’t like working with other people”
  3. Good answer examples:  “I had a problem catching typos, so I implemented steps that force me to check my work.”  OR  “I prefer to do things on my own so I know it’s done right, but I’m working on trusting my teammates to take on pieces as well.”
  • Someone asks if you’ve ever led a team / managed a project:
  1. Try to say YES to this question (even if it is a lie)
  2. If you have, say yes, and say how many people were on the team. 
  3. If you haven’t, but you played a large role in a group of people, say yes, and talk about your primary role on the team. 
  4. If you haven’t, but you worked solo on something that needed input from other people, say yes, and say what the project was about. 

Additional:

  • Misc Rules
  1. You can ask people to repeat interview questions
  2. You can write down interview questions while they’re asking (write the basics of the question down for yourself, like the top things you have to answer). People will wait for you to finish writing, you don’t have to answer Immediately.
  3. Try to keep your answer to questions somewhere between 30 seconds to 1 minute and 30 seconds. You don’t have to time it, but if you find that your answers are taking 3 minutes, you might lose interest.
  • Have a list of projects / bragging points to talk about in advance
  1. Try to make sure they at least answer the core question asked, don’t just bring up a completely unrelated topic
  2. Example: if you are really excited to talk about a program you wrote, and someone asks about balancing projects, you can say you are good at AUTOMATION, and an example is this program you wrote
  • “Do you have any questions for us?” (A question asked at the end of most interviews.)
  1. “What has been your favorite part of working at [company]?”
  2. “What’s been your favorite project to work on?”
  3. People like talking about themselves
  • Thank you emails
  1. Some employers care if you send them a thank you “letter” (email). Sometime by the end of the day (you can do it right after the interview if you think you’ll forget), send a thank you email like this (you can look up other templates, or ask a friend for help):
  2. Subject Line:  Thank You
  3. “Hi [interviewer name], It was great speaking with you. Hearing more about the role, as well as what you said about [their answer to a question you asked them] has made me even more excited for this opportunity. Thank you for your time today, [Your Name]

Good luck!!

Im gonna need this in 2 years!

Honestly the “applying and interviewing for a job” is harder and more stressful than actually doing the job 999% of the time for me. I hate it so much.

Wait they ask about mistakes and weaknesses because they want to hear about solutions?! That makes so much more sense! Why dont they just verbalize the solution part!

The combination of being autistic and being entry level makes it extra hell.

Avatar

(really in my feels about the ot3 because of the @powerpolyculeshowdown so here's some propaganda)

parker and hardison allow eliot to be sillier. more ridiculous. outragous, even. eliot sings the stupid ditties hardison writes special for him, and he rolls his eyes at parkers pokes and prods and the occasional "accidental" face slap, and eliot can express himself for what actually bothers him no matter how nitpicky, versus having to calculate what he should say. (he still argues with hardison that throwing in on a brewpub was a stupid plan given its risk, no matter how many times hardison claims it was always a gift for him.) eliot laughs more. real laughs; you can tell because his smiles look more and more like grimaces: the way his ma perked her mouth which his dad always teased her about (though it was his favorite thing about her), rather than the wide toothy grins eliot learned because he knows, tactically, they are best for charming. parker and hardison let him not feel like he's a monster. or... parker tells him she always thought the big bad wolf had a bad rap, and hardison says some stupid shit about monsterfucking being the hip thing the kids are into these days, anyway.

hardison and eliot allow parker to feel deep. it's food that tastes like a hug and it's gadgets made just for her and it's loving and being loved and it's being one another's real families. she doessn't want to run away, anymore. or... she wants to run but with her friends beside her. or... running cons is all she's ever wanted to do, and all she did, for so long. parker is good at it. she loves it. she loves that hardison and eliot love it too. but... feeling deep is also being deep. she's no longer just her piles of money because she is no longer afraid of herself. her past. the memories that hurt. the habits she thought she needed to grow out of but always missed. these habits, like bleeping sounds that arent words and hands move move moving. hands that were once made to stay now can fly because hardison buys her fidgets and designs some just for her and keeps locks in lucille for when parker feels like infinity and needs the vibrations of ticktickticks to bring her back to herself. and eliot lets her braid and unbraid his hair; he won't let her blow dry it, not yet, but... he lets her pet his hair while it's still hot, now. it frizzes his hair a little, and parker feels her pulse rush throughout the day knowing she did that to him. eliot and hardison kiss her knuckles when they burn.

parker and eliot allow hardison to be mean. vindictive. he is nicer than he needs to be. wants to be... what he needs to be is nonthreatening, for the most part, in many places. he knows what it means to be him: tall and black and queer and gaining muscle and too smart for his own damn good and so very, very tenderhearted. hardison loves so damn deep, and he cares so damn much, but part of caring (the other side of a coin) is not giving a fuck. it's the boiling point of rage and betrayal. the i need to walk away from this fight because you are dead wrong and imma about to say something imma regret, so go fix yourself. the im not gonna forget, im not going to forgive, and im going to get my revenge. parker and eliot would not have questioned hardison's joy at securing the capture of the men that put him in that damn coffin; they hold space for him to be fully himself with all his ugly parts and his petty parts and the parts that do bring hardison shame if he thinks about it for too long. they know he's not perfect, and that? that feels like safety and love and forever to hardison.

My therapist: just because you made a plan doesn’t mean you’ll always follow it perfectly, and that’s okay. It’s better to follow a plan cursorily than not at all.

Me, sobbing: THAT WAS AN OPTION???

Oh, this is super important.

When trying new coping strategies or learning a new habit, you’ll fail. Possibly many many times.

But that’s alright! No one just PICKS it up immediately. 

You’re trying to learn to do it sometimes, and then occasionally, and then more often than not, and finally every time!

Similarly, you might fail in any plan or timetable you’re trying to use.

But that’s alright! 

As OP’s therapist said, it doesn’t have to be perfect! In fact, no one can pick it up immediately. 

Doing things OCCASIONALLY is better than not doing it at all.

Doing things LATE is better than not doing it at all.

Doing things PARTIALLY is better than not doing it at all.

Also don’t aim for perfection. Just aim for as best you can, ideally a little better than last time. But? There will be ups and downs. That isn’t a flaw in you or your techniques, it’s just how people work.

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

Shoelace Voodoo

Avatar
eatscleanliftsheavy

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

Avatar

Oh! I’ll have to try this

oh my god. oh, oh my god. the wide forefoot one… oh my god bless you you beautiful hero

Ian’s Shoelace Site – https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ – is the page for all these lacing patterns and more.

He’s got specific lacing advice for skates and tall boots and there are decorative patterns and I recently relaced my skate shoes for both a wide forefoot and less friction on the laces so it’s easier to tighten and loosen them but he also has lace-locking patterns so that shoes stay exactly as tight as you laced them the first time and it is just a VERY GOOD website.

Like. I’ve been buying shoes the wrong size because it’s often hard to find wide shoes but the lacing pattern for a wide forefoot means that my big hobbit feet actually fit into the previously too-tight running shoes and sneakers I had.

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

GAAAAASP

Avatar

Reblogging because I got this tip from an REI employee and it changed my life.

I have both wide forefeet and high arches, so my shoes are a ridiculous combo of both options above where they are attached at the bottom and then like… at the very top. It looks stupid, and it helps SO MUCH.

Anonymous asked:

I bet that, after finding out about Dream being captured and held prisoner for over 100 years, Hob starts keeping a much closer eye and ear on the magical community in case it happens again. This means he goes running to the rescue every time he hears about some supernatural creature being held against their will

This creature, whatever it is, is not Dream of the Endless.

It's the eleventh creature in the last three months that has not been Dream of the Endless, but has been captured by some sort of magical means.

After the second one Hob started to feel a little silly, but the third was really bad, and even if the creatures he's freeing aren't Dream now, can he take the risk? When he hears someone's got something, and it's not as though Dream has the good sense to go around telling people who and what he is so they'll know. Burgess thought he was Death. Everyone else believed he was the Devil.

Hob had never even gone to investigate, when he'd heard that. Not even after Dream failed to show up in 1989. Because he'd known his friend wasn't the bloody Devil.

Lesson learned.

This, he thinks, might be a demon. The smell of sulphur gives it away.

All the same, people ought not to be summoning them into spare rooms and keeping them in chains and binding circles. Leave them in Hell where they belong.

"Should I, umm..." Hob asks, once the chains are broken and they're clear of the abandoned house he'd found his newest friend in. "Send you back, then?"

He'd never thought he'd have to learn how to do an exorcism and he's a little upset that the Johanna Constantine of 2022 looks just like the Johanna Constantine of 1789 but she's all right, actually. She's been helpful in this. She even only makes fun of Hob for a few minutes every time they talk about his pathetic crush on the King of Dreams.

"You are owed a boon," the demon says. "The legions of Hell are not without honour."

"Oh, no," Hob says cheerfully. "Just doing my good deed for the day."

The demon raises an eyebrow. Then its eyes widen in what Hob is fairly sure is alarm, and he barely has time to see it disappear before he's whipped around, crowbar at the ready, tensed for a fight.

"Hob Gadling," Dream of the Endless—the real thing, this time—rumbles, hair fluttering in a nonexistent breeze, eyes black and glittering with starlight.

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

“Okay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicated” well buddy, that’s because your blood is imitation seawater. See? It’s very simple.

Blood is what now?

It’s imitation seawater what part is confusing

Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital.

Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces.

Thank you that’s…very disturbing

It’s not my fault you’re human.

Ok but “It’s not my fault you’re human.” Is the best comeback ever.

You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.

Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. “Wow,” you think, metaphorically, “it sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs I can have. Good thing I have all this water around me that’s the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so I don’t explode or shrivel up) so I can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.”

“Wait a minute,” you say a couple of generations later, because you’re not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, “instead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about I put it in tubes? I can keep MY water separate from the rest of the world’s water! Anything I want to keep goes in my water! Anything I don’t, I dump back into the outside water! I’m a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process that’s a GENIUS!”

“Wow,” you think a great many generations later, “being able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is so great. Look how big I’m getting. I even have a special pump to move my seawater around, and these cool filter systems to keep the chemicals in it right, and that control and chemical concentration has let me grow so many energy-intensive, highly specialised organs! Being big is so hard. I need special cells just to carry my oxygen around now, to make sure my enormous, constantly-operating body has enough of it.”

At this point you are embodying a fish, and eventually, fish start straying into water with different pressures and salinity levels. (I mean, they do that since befor ehty’er fish, but… look, I’m trying to keep things simple here.) “What the FUCK,” you think. “My inside water is at a different salinity and pressure to the outside water?? How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t have freshwater inside my seawater tubes! My cells have a set salinity and they would explode! I need to start beefing up my regulatory and filter systems so that my inside seawater STAYS SEAWATER OF THE CORRECT SALINITY even if the outside water is different! Fortunately, adding salt to my seawater is a lot easier than removing it, and I want to be saltier than this weird outside water.” At this point you beef up your liver and urinary systems to compensate for different salinities. (Note: the majority of fish, freshwater and saltwater, have a fairly narrow band of salinities they can live in. Every fish doesn’t get to deal with every level of salinity; they are evolved to regulate within specific bands.)

You also, at some point, go out on land. This is new and weird because you have to carry all of your water inside. “It’s a good thing I turned myself into a giant bag of seawater,” you think. “If I wasn’t carrying my seawater inside, how would I transport all these important chemicals between my organs and the environment?” As you specialise to live entirely outside of the water, you realise (once again) that it’s a lot easier to add salt to water than to remove it in great quantities. Drinking seawater in large amounts becomes toxic; your body isn’t specialised for removing that amount of salt. Instead, you drink freshwater, and add salts to that. The majority of your organs are, at this point, specialised for moving your seawater around, protecting it, adding stuff to it, or taking stuff out. You have turned yourself into an intelligent bag for carrying and regulating a small amount of imitation seawater, and its salinity (and your commitment to maintaining that salinity) is based entirely on the seawater that some early animals started to build tubes around a long time ago.

And that’s what a human is!

Well, there’s another few steps, of course.

Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal.

A mammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is a tremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyone’s a bag of chemicals; but mammals slosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system,

and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: “my internal ocean is so good-“

“Bullshit,” said the shark, keeping it salty (ha)

“My internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS,” you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, “that for my next trick, I shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. I shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-”

“Oh, ANYONE can lay an egg,” yodel the fish, and the ray adds: “ontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!!”

And you’re like, “yeah no, it’s an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically I’m going to take some cells and brew them up-“

“Like an egg.”

“Like an egg. An egg but internally.”

“Yeah,” said the viviparous reptile, “yeah, like, that can work really well. I’ve always said it’s the highest test of one’s chemical know-how. It’s a lot of work. And forget about support from your family - forget about support from your PHYLUM - all you get is criticism.”

“I’m gonna do it on purpose forever,” you said. “The highest chemical, thermoregulatory, immunological, everything-logical challenge. It’s gonna be my thing.”

“I’m with you,” said a viviparous fish, stoutly. “Representation.”

You kindly don’t point out, once again, that you’re planning to do this outside the ocean, in a range of temperatures; carrying the dividing cells in a perfect 37.5• solution of saline broth in all terrains, breathing oxygen in a complicated matter, you know, bit more difficult; but you need your allies.

“It’s solid,” says the coelacanth.

“But is it metal?” says the deep-vent organism.

“Oh, it’s metal. I will feed the young,” you say, magnificently, “on an echo of the mother ocean. The first rich feast of cellular matter, the first hunt for sustenance, the first bite they sip of our liquid planet-”

Everyone waits.

“Will be a blood byproduct. My own blood byproduct.”

Everyone looks uncomfortable.

“But,” a hagfish says carefully, “don’t you outdoorsy guys still need your blood?”

You cough and explain that if you stay wet enough internally and hydrate frequently, you should be able to produce enough blood byproduct to sustain your hellish new invention until they can eat your peers.

The outrage that follows includes questions like “is this some furry shit?” And: “milk has WATER in it?”

And you won the bet. “My inner ocean is such a perfect homage to the primordial soup that I can personally cook up an entire live hairy mammal in it. And then generate excess blood byproduct from my body and give it to the small mammal until it gets big.”

That is an absolutely bonkers pitch, by the way, and everyone thought you were a showoff, even before the opposable thumbs. When the winter came, and the winter of winters, and the rain was acid and the air was poison on the tender shells of their eggs and choked the children in the shells; when the plants turned to poison, and the ocean turned against you all; when the climate changed, and the world’s children fell to shadow; your internal ocean was it that held true. A bet laid against the changing fates, a bet laid by a small beast against climate and geography and the forces of outer space, that you won. The dinosaurs fell and the pterosaurs fell and the marine reptiles dwindled, and you, furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship, held hope internally at 37.5 degrees. Which is another thing that humans do, sometimes.

for real! (from kadji amin)

[Image description: Screenshot of text:

What I’ve realized is that I believe that the matter of gender is practical and relational. It’s not about who you are inside, it’s more about how you would feel most comfortable in the world. It’s not ‘Who are you?’ but ‘How do you want to live?’
Had that been the discourse when I was coming up, I would have breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t have to figure out who I am on the inside, I just have to figure out how I want to live.

end of ID]

i’m still me on the inside! i just made everyone else change how they handle that. pretty sure this is why so many conservatives, who make a career out of treating as many people as badly as possible, are absolutely fucking pissing themselves over being asked to treat anyone how they want to be treated.

It's that time of year again: Bread Jesus Masterpost

So A While Ago I wrote a Post:

...And it sort of launched my online career as a teller of strange and amusing tales.

And then it became a tradition, so I made another (much better) one.

And in a few minutes, I will be attempting to make another one.

This is how I make my living now, so if you want to my Ko-fi, Pre-order the Family Lore book of this tale and many more on Patreon (yes, it's still on and I will be shipping internationally), or donate to cover the costs of the Major Sewage Problem I had last month, I would extremely appreciate it.

This year I will be doing a Live Reading of the story at 7PM Mountain Daylight Time On this Discord Channel if you want to come listen or, like many comments have said, want to hear someone else read it because they stop from laughing about halfway through.

Thank you all for all your support over the years and I hope you have a Happy Easter.

Once more, unto the breach.

I rolled my ankle in the garage looking for the stand mixer because I moved in about a month ago, so we're off to a GREAT start.

"For 60 years, doctors and researchers have known two things that could have improved, or even saved, millions of lives. The first is that diets do not work. Not just paleo or Atkins or Weight Watchers or Goop, but all diets. Since 1959, research has shown that 95 to 98 percent of attempts to lose weight fail and that two-thirds of dieters gain back more than they lost. The reasons are biological and irreversible. As early as 1969, research showed that losing just 3 percent of your body weight resulted in a 17 percent slowdown in your metabolism—a body-wide starvation response that blasts you with hunger hormones and drops your internal temperature until you rise back to your highest weight. Keeping weight off means fighting your body’s energy-regulation system and battling hunger all day, every day, for the rest of your life.
The second big lesson the medical establishment has learned and rejected over and over again is that weight and health are not perfect synonyms. Yes, nearly every population-level study finds that fat people have worse cardiovascular health than thin people. But individuals are not averages: Studies have found that anywhere from one-third to three-quarters of people classified as obese are metabolically healthy. They show no signs of elevated blood pressure, insulin resistance or high cholesterol. Meanwhile, about a quarter of non-overweight people are what epidemiologists call “the lean unhealthy.” A 2016 study that followed participants for an average of 19 years found that unfit skinny people were twice as likely to get diabetes as fit fat people."

A surprising article to find on the Huffington post. I think, especially towards the end, there's still a saturation of healthism and diet talk (just of the "clean eating" variety), but the information about weight discrimination is absolutely on point, especially within the medical field ignoring decades of research.

Not only do we know that weight loss isn't sustainable or possible, we also know that weight discrimination kills, in a myriad of ways. If you actually care about "health" then start unlearning your weight bias NOW and realize that fat people are just people who are a different shape.

And this article doesn't even touch on "the obesity paradox"(the fact that fat people survive heart attacks and injuries BETTER THAN thin people) or the fact that dieting, especially "yo-yo dieting," is a better predictor for heart disease than weight, and that many of the fat people who have cardiovascular diseases have a long history of dieting that (understandably) didn't work.

encouraged to rb but fatphobes will just be blocked.