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@manwithoutspade

Imagine twelve year old Harry not even knowing how awful his childhood with Dursleys had been until he gets to the Burrow.

Imagine him seeing Percy asleep with a book on his lap, and being baffled that a kid might feel comfortable enough in his own home to be so vulnerable in the living room. 

Imagine Molly coming up to the attic to say goodnight to Ron and Harry, and Harry glancing at Ron when he hears her footsteps, trying to figure out what they had done wrong that day.

Imagine him asking George who does all the house chores, and thinking it’s a joke when George answers, “we all do.” 

Imagine Ginny pestering Arthur with questions over the Daily Prophet, and Harry trying to shoot her warning looks to stop it! but then Mr. Weasley looks up and patiently answers every single one. 

Imagine Bill popping in for a visit one evening and Harry being floored when Bill stops to chat with him. 

Imagine Fred chasing after Harry in the yard, playfighting, but Harry actually begins to run for real fear of being hurt. 

Imagine Molly burning something on the stove my accident and tossing it, imagine Harry mentioning to Ron, offhandedly, “she could’ve given that one to me, it’s what I eat at home when I mess up dinner” and not knowing why Ron is horrified.

Imagine Harry seeing what a normal, functioning family looks like, and realizing the absence of love in his own life. 

“What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron’s, however, wasn’t the talking mirror or the clanging ghoul: It was the fact that everyone there seemed to like him.” – Chamber of Secrets

Please make a post about the story of the RMS Carpathia, because it's something that's almost beyond belief and more people should know about it.

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Carpathia received Titanic’s distress signal at 12:20am, April 15th, 1912. She was 58 miles away, a distance that absolutely could not be covered in less than four hours.

(Californian’s exact position at the time is…controversial. She was close enough to have helped. By all accounts she was close enough to see Titanic’s distress rockets. It’s uncertain to this day why her crew did not respond, or how many might not have been lost if she had been there. This is not the place for what-ifs. This is about what was done.)

Carpathia’s Captain Rostron had, yes, rolled out of bed instantly when woken by his radio operator, ordered his ship to Titanic’s aid and confirmed the signal before he was fully dressed. The man had never in his life responded to an emergency call. His goal tonight was to make sure nobody who heard that fact would ever believe it.

All of Carpathia’s lifeboats were swung out ready for deployment. Oil was set up to be poured off the side of the ship in case the sea turned choppy; oil would coat and calm the water near Carpathia if that happened, making it safer for lifeboats to draw up alongside her. He ordered lights to be rigged along the side of the ship so survivors could see it better, and had nets and ladders rigged along her sides ready to be dropped when they arrived, in order to let as many survivors as possible climb aboard at once.

I don’t know if his making provisions for there still being survivors in the water was optimism or not. I think he knew they were never going to get there in time for that. I think he did it anyway because, god, you have to hope.

Carpathia had three dining rooms, which were immediately converted into triage and first aid stations. Each had a doctor assigned to it. Hot soup, coffee, and tea were prepared in bulk in each dining room, and blankets and warm clothes were collected to be ready to hand out. By this time, many of the passengers were awake–prepping a ship for disaster relief isn’t quiet–and all of them stepped up to help, many donating their own clothes and blankets.

And then he did something I tend to refer to as diverting all power from life support.

Here’s the thing about steamships: They run on steam. Shocking, I know; but that steam powers everything on the ship, and right now, Carpathia needed power. So Rostron turned off hot water and central heating, which bled valuable steam power, to everywhere but the dining rooms–which, of course, were being used to make hot drinks and receive survivors. He woke up all the engineers, all the stokers and firemen, diverted all that steam back into the engines, and asked his ship to go as fast as she possibly could. And when she’d done that, he asked her to go faster.

I need you to understand that you simply can’t push a ship very far past its top speed. Pushing that much sheer tonnage through the water becomes harder with each extra knot past the speed it was designed for. Pushing a ship past its rated speed is not only reckless–it’s difficult to maneuver–but it puts an incredible amount of strain on the engines. Ships are not designed to exceed their top speed by even one knot. They can’t do it. It can’t be done.

Carpathia’s absolute do-or-die, the-engines-can’t-take-this-forever top speed was fourteen knots. Dodging icebergs, in the dark and the cold, surrounded by mist, she sustained a speed of almost seventeen and a half.

No one would have asked this of them. It wasn’t expected. They were almost sixty miles away, with icebergs in their path. They had a respondibility to respond; they did not have a responsibility to do the impossible and do it well. No one would have faulted them for taking more time to confirm the severity of the issue. No one would have blamed them for a slow and cautious approach. No one but themselves.

They damn near broke the laws of physics, galloping north headlong into the dark in the desperate hope that if they could shave an hour, half an hour, five minutes off their arrival time, maybe for one more person those five minutes would make the difference. I say: three people had died by the time they were lifted from the lifeboats. For all we know, in another hour it might have been more. I say they made all the difference in the world.

This ship and her crew received a message from a location they could not hope to reach in under four hours. Just barely over three hours later, they arrived at Titanic’s last known coordinates. Half an hour after that, at 4am, they would finally find the first of the lifeboats. it would take until 8:30 in the morning for the last survivor to be brought onboard. Passengers from Carpathia universally gave up their berths, staterooms, and clothing to the survivors, assisting the crew at every turn and sitting with the sobbing rescuees to offer whatever comfort they could.

In total, 705 people of Titanic’s original 2208 were brought onto Carpathia alive. No other ship would find survivors.

At 12:20am April 15th, 1912, there was a miracle on the North Atlantic. And it happened because a group of humans, some of them strangers, many of them only passengers on a small and unimpressive steam liner, looked at each other and decided: I cannot live with myself if I do anything less.

I think the least we can do is remember them for it.

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wow okay i’m crying now

“And even as he watched the rescue unfolding that morning, he would have understood that for the living, everything which could have been done had been done: not a single survivor was lost or injured being brought aboard the Carpathia. For those who had gone down with the Titanic, save for reverencing their memory at the service later that day, there was nothing more that he or anyone could do. Rostron’s duty now was as he always saw it: to the living.”

I looked up a bit about this because the post is so movingly written that when I read it aloud to my husband and mother they both wept like babies, and something else really struck me about this story.

So Carpathia was not a top-end luxury liner. Her reputation was for being Jolly Comfortable - she was very broad in her proportions, and not super-duper fast, and the result was that she didn’t rock so much on the waves and you couldn’t particularly hear/feel the engines. She was solid and dependable, and lots of people liked using her, but she therefore occupied a lesser niche than Titanic or Olympian or whatever - and crucially, as a result of that, she only had one radio operator on board. This means she only had radio ops for a certain window in the day, unlike Titanic, which had 24 hour radio ops.

So on that night, when Titanic went down, Carpathia’s wireless operator - one Harold Cottam - clocked off his shift at midnight, and went to bed. While he was getting ready for bed, though, he left the transmitter on for the hell of it, and therefore picked up a transmission from Cape Race in Newfoundland, the closest transmitting tower sending messages to the ships. They told him that they had a backlog of private traffic for Titanic that wasn’t getting through. So, even though his shift was over, and it was now 11 minutes past bloody midnight, and he just wanted to go to bed, Harold Cottam decided that nonetheless, he’d be helpful, and let the Titanic know they had messages waiting.

And that’s how he received the Titanic’s distress signal. In spite of no longer being on shift to receive it, and therefore in order to send Carpathia galloping to Titanic’s rescue, and thus saving 705 people.

All because Harold Cottam decided one night to be kind. 

I dunno. That’s just really stuck with me.

Cottam also ended up staying awake for something like 48 hours straight trying to send survivors messages and a list of survivors home, but due to Carpathia’s limited radio frequency range and with no other ships to act as a relay, this was rather patchy. However, he tried his damn best to make sure the survivor’s messages got home, and was also bombarded with incoming messages of bribes to spill the details of the disaster to the press.

Rostrum had ordered that no messages to the press be sent out of respect to the survivors, for they would have their privacy destroyed as soon as they reached New York. Cottam respected this order, even under extreme duress of fatigue, stress, and the knowledge that in some cases the bribes were almost three times his annual salary.

He eventually went to bed but not before working with one of the rescued Titanic’s radio operators, Harold Bride, to transmit as many messages as possible. Bride was injured (his feet had been crushed in a lifeboat) and had just passed the body of the second of Titanic’s radio operators aboard (Jack Phillips), so neither of them were really in the best shape to keep working, but they did.

In the face of extreme adversity, both men refused to do anything but their duty (and exceeding their duty) not just because Rostrum had ordered it, but because it was the right thing to do. They could have profited considerably from the disaster and they refused for the dignity of the survivors.

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This is hopepunk. This is what we can be, what we are, when instinct takes over. This is what we are when we choose to care about each other. We’re not profit machines or units of production or lone fierce wolves in a bitter wilderness. We are people, and we care about people.

This is human nature. Don’t give up on it.

Anonymous asked:

Hi! You are amazing and your writing lights up my day. There's something I would like to see. We're always portraying Eliza being hard on Alex and I really feel that. I also love my mom and I'm sure she loves me, but I grew up with high expectations from her, she was always harsh without even noticing. I just wanted you to write something that showed Eliza being sorry for the way she treated Alex, taking the blame for once, that really comin from her. And also showing them just loving each other

Alex has been fighting with her for years.

Usually, without acknowledging the real problems. Usually, making mountains out of seeming molehills, because the mountains are too terrifying, too vulnerable, to mention.

Sometimes, tackling the real problems head on.

“Why hasn’t it ever been enough?”

It takes Eliza a lot to realize how deep the scars she caused go.

It takes Eliza a lot to realize that what she’d thought of as support, Alex had received as abuse. As condemnation. As affirmation, not of how smart and strong she is, but as affirmation that she really is worthless at the core.

It takes Eliza a combination of Alex’s sister and Alex’s girlfriend to unveil her denial, her unwillingness to see just how badly she’s damaged the daughter she loved more than anything in this world.

It takes Kara, rising from the Thanksgiving table, and telling Eliza point-blank that instead of reprimanding Alex for drinking so much, Eliza should stop to consider why she is, what she’s coping with, and she knows Eliza loves her but Rao, couldn’t she show Alex that a little more often instead of just telling her and expecting her to feel it?

It takes Maggie, taking Alex’s hand into one of hers and the car keys with her other, thanking Eliza for her hospitality but telling her in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t stay under a roof where the woman she loves is being made to constantly feel like she’s not enough, because Alex is more than enough just as she is, and she’s sorry, but they can’t stay somewhere that’s so hostile to Alex’s ability to recognize how incredible she really is.

Eliza doesn’t call for a week. 

Kara texts to tell her that Alex needs time.

Maggie texts to tell her that Alex needs space.

Alex doesn’t text at all, simply nodding her red-eyed approval at the messages her sister and her girlfriend are sending on her behalf.

Eliza doesn’t call for a week, but when she does call, she knows what she has to say, and – for the first time – she understands why she has to say it. And she feels it. Means it.

“Alex,” she says softly, stopping herself from saying her full name, because Kara’s pointed out how Alex flinches at her full name, every time, so why use it as a weapon? “Everything you’ve said to me over the years? About me making you feel responsible for Kara, like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? You’ve been right, all this time. Of course you have. My beautiful daughter. I took a fourteen year old child and I put the weight, not only of this world, but of another, on her shoulders – on your shoulders, my Alex – and I blamed you for things that weren’t, ever, your fault. When your father was taken by the DEO, I… and this isn’t an excuse, Alex, I have no excuses… I expected you to… to somehow replace him while also living up to impossible standards as a sister to Kara, and I… I didn’t see how you suffered. I didn’t want to see it, Alex, because if I did, then I… I would never be able to forgive myself. But that’s my problem, my darling daughter, not yours. I can’t ask for your forgiveness, Alex, because I’ve already asked for far too much from you, but I… I wanted to say that, forgiveness or not, I am sorry. And I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I… I will do better, Alex. If you want to give me the opportunity. I know you’re a grown woman, and I am so, so proud of the woman you’ve become – I’m so sorry I don’t say that enough – but I’d still love the opportunity to be a better mother to you. The mother you deserve. The mother you should have had all these years.”

Alex can’t speak because all Alex can do is sob, but Maggie drives her to Midvale the next morning, and she waits in the car, a small, somewhat sad smile on her face while Alex falls into her mother’s arms and sobs some more.

But the sobs are happier, now, than they have been in the past, and when Alex and Eliza both come to the car to insist Maggie come inside and eat with them – Eliza’s bought tiramisu, and Alex’s favorite pie, not Kara’s – Alex makes sure to hold Maggie close to her side, all day, all night, pressing extra kisses to her face.

And Eliza gives her extra attention, extra love, too, because she might be making up for lost time with Alex, but Maggie has lost time with parents to be made up for too.

And that idea? 

Eliza, mothering both her and her girlfriend with warm smiles and affectionate pet names and incredible cooking and even more incredible nerd talk?

Makes Alex the happiest woman in the world.

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I was brought to this terrible family. And I have spent my life fighting their legacy, and their crimes, and their evil deeds, but I’ve always known that, deep down inside, I belonged with them.

a quick fix.

Kara and Lena have been texting on and off all day, as patently platonic best friends are wont to do. Their conversation is pretty routine until Lena starts telling Kara about her latest blind date, which had gone terribly

Not only was Lena’s date self-aggrandizing and plain ol’ boring, he had chosen a seafood restaurant despite being informed of her rampant shellfish allergy. Which of course meant – to Kara’s never-ending horror – that Lena didn’t actually get the chance to eat much during her so-called dinner date. 

Sounds like you’re hungry for more, Kara texts back.

You have no idea.

Kara hems and haws for a bit, trying to think of something simple and dainty that she can whip up for her dear, dear friend. What about a quickie?

It’s a long while before Lena actually replies, A what?

You know, a quickie! With me! Something light and easy, but still delicious enough to hit the spot.

Are you being serious?

Kara rolls her eyes. As if she would ever joke about food. Yes! I’ll come over right now if you want.

This time it’s an even longer while before the reply comes, but when it does, it warms all the little cockles of Kara’s thumping heart, Yes. Okay. Yes. I’d actually like that very much.

With a small whoop and a triumphant fist pump, Kara scrambles over to her refrigerator to obtain all the necessary ingredients and is standing outside Lena’s apartment within the span of 20 short minutes. A broad grin still plastered across her face, Kara knocks on the door only to drop an armful of eggs, mushrooms, feta cheese, and kale all over Lena’s pristine white carpet when her friend answers the door in nothing but a see-through negligee and some lacy underwear.

It isn’t until much, much later – after excessive blushing and stuttering explanations – that Lena’s vehement insistence that it’s called QUICHE can be heard from almost two towns over.

Okay, but what if I were to write a follow-up where Kara feels guilty about the whole situation. But also? She can-not stop thinking about it for the life of her, and her mind keeps circling back to thoughts of sex and Lena and sex with Lena until one fateful night when she decides to send her best friend another text out of the blue.

KARA: So, what if we went for it? A quickie, I mean.
LENA: Kara, for the sake of my everloving sanity, please stop spelling it like that. It’s “QUICHE,” and you know it.
KARA: Okay, but what if I actually meant to say “quickie” though?
LENA: … And why would you do that?
KARA: Do you want to have sex?
KARA: With me, that is.

Then Kara waits and waits and waits for a reply that never comes, which of course only drives her to send a couple of more messages.

KARA: Lena?
KARA: Hello????
KARA: Lena?????????
LENA: Sorry. I was just… doing research.
KARA: What? What kind of research?
LENA: I was googling for any food items that could potentially be misspelled as the word “sex” …
LENA: You’re not trying to say “seeds,” right?
KARA: Seeds..?
LENA: You know, like dried organic chia seeds that one might put in homemade salad dressings and such. 
KARA: Does that sound like something I’d eat?
LENA: …. No.

And so, Lena extends a tentative invitation and Kara’s outside her apartment within the minute. This time when Lena answers the door, she is fully clothed and somewhat shy, though neither state lasts too long once they’re in the privacy of her bedroom….

Complicated [a GraveCorp prelude]

Mercy is nothing like her mother.

The moment Lena lays eyes on the new deputy head of security, her heart does a backflip. Lex leans in close to whisper in her ear.

“Remind you of anyone?”

Whether he meant the sharp pencil skirts, or the tall heels that add to Miss Graves’ already impressive height, Lena doesn’t bother to ask. It’s all she can do to greet Miss Graves with a smile that manages to toe the line between cordial and disaffected.

Luthors don’t get attached to employees. Not even the important ones. They either leave, or stay long enough to stab you in the back.

“A pleasure,” Miss Graves returns, her voice all but a purr as she takes Lena’s hand. Her grip is firm, but not a challenge. “Your father has told me so much about you.”

She greets Lex with even less than she gave Lena. A handshake, a smile, and then Mercy moves on to confer with her new boss. Lena tries not to grin at her brother’s obvious insult. She fails.

“That a new combustion prototype?” Lex asks sharply, stealing an upside-down glance at the notebook she’s let droop in her awe. Lena snaps it back up to her chest, bristling. Lex smirks on his way out the door, calling over his shoulder. “It’s cute! You should make it in pink.”

Lex has long grown out of losing to others. He hasn’t played chess with her in years.

After that, Mercy seems to be everywhere.

It’s not that Lena is looking for her. No. She practically lives in the building now that her thesis is finished, so it means nothing that Lena learns the security deputy’s weekly meeting schedule and her surreptitious strolls around the building, taking in everything with a critical eye.

She admires Mercy, nothing more. Mercy is focused, as driven as Lena, but with the success under her belt to match. Where Lena is still in graduate school, Mercy is the second in command of security for the most renowned company in the world. All her life, Lena’s been surrounded by men in suits and dark sunglasses. There’d been one, maybe two women, but never for long, and never in a position of authority.

Security is a man’s field, and Mercy is already nearing the top, all before the age of thirty. People straighten when Mercy enters the room, but not because of her name, or even her role.

She earns that involuntary response, through sheer force of presence.

What isn’t there to admire?

So it means absolutely nothing that Lena’s coffee schedule eventually (quickly) syncs with Mercy’s so that they end up in the break room at the same time. It’s not like Lena is following her– they work in the same building, humans drink coffee, and usually in the morning. Nothing strange about it. It’s not like Lena even talks to Mercy anyway.

That all changes in an instant.

Anonymous asked:

A continuation for golden retriever Kara with Lena finally finding out?

“Okay, this has got to be the strangest thing you’ve ever seen.”

Since learning Kara’s secret (and ultimately forgiving it, which had not be a sure thing by any stretch), Lena’s worked more frequently with the DEO. She takes to it like a fish to water, and by now she and Winn have a running gag– when Lena marvels at the more outrageous scenarios they find themselves in, Winn cheerfully points out a previous instance that blows it out of the water.

“Nope! Once we had a sentient military robot.”

“Close, but no– two years ago we met a speedster from the multiverse.”

“Did I not tell you about the 5th dimensional imp?”

And this time, Lena is sure this takes the cake– a device that imbued humans in its vicinity with the “spiritual essence” of arbitrarily assigned animals. Alex had initially enjoyed the orsine strength that came with her assignation of a grizzly bear, only for it to sour when her fingers grew to burdensome claws and her movements slowed to a lumbering gait.

Now that everyone had reverted to normal, it’s easy to find the humor in it.

To Lena’s dismay, however, Winn looks far from beaten. “No way,” Lena complains.

“It’s close, not gonna lie, but I think doggie Kara beats it.”

Lena blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, yeah! You weren’t here yet! See, what happened was– gah!!” Winn yelps, jolting when Kara clamps a hand on his shoulder.

“Not another word,” Kara all but growls. She releases Winn when he lifts his hands in surrender. Satisfied, Kara turns to a stunned Lena. “Dinner?”

She loops her arm through Lena’s and shepherds her from the room without waiting for a response. Lena stares at her as she allows herself to be propelled through the halls.

“What was all that about?”

“What was what?”

“Kara…”

Kara sighs, and relinquishes Lena’s arm as they near the car park. “Fine. I was a dog. Briefly. Thanks to some weird artifact from a planet called Canix. We reversed the effects, obviously. There’s not much to tell.”

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Anonymous asked:

wow... now i really want a kara turns into a dog version. golden retriever kara with her powers (essentially shes superdog now) huddled next to lena on Lcorp's couch

A/N: Making Kara a superdog made this one about twenty times longer than I wanted, so I went in a slightly different direction. Hope you like it anyway!

National City has plenty of off-leash areas, so Lena doesn’t find it all that concerning when a golden retriever finds her in the park and starts dancing excitedly at the sight of her. She offers a brief pet before sending it on its way and returning to her book.

She does find it a little odd when it comes prancing back with a stick between its teeth. It’s twice as big as the dog is long, which leaves the animal appropriately pleased with itself. Lena scans the park for a likely owner. Plenty of people look amused, but none of them come to collect it.

The dog barks for attention, having dropped the branch at her feet. Its butt wiggles joyously as if to say– Look! Lookit that! Can you believe?!

“Wow!” Lena exclaims softly, conscious of the people around them. “That’s a nice stick you have there.”

The dog play-growls at her sudden animation, bowing briefly before running off a little ways and coming back. The message is clear.

“You wanna play? You wanna fetch?”

The dog goes nuts. Yapping and whining, it dances in front of her, prancing in circles in a poor attempt to contain itself.

“Okay! Okay, let’s play–! Oh.” Lena stares at the branch. “Yeah, I’m not throwing that.”

Trying to pick her way around the dog, Lena strategically snaps off a shorter segment that has both heft and satisfactory aerodynamics, yet will fit comfortably in the dog’s mouth.

“Okay,” she starts again, ramping up the dog’s energy once again. “You ready? You ready?” She waves the stick to either side, ensuring she has the dog’s attention. Then she flings it into the distance.

Well, a very near distance.

She kind of sucks at it, but the dog doesn’t seem to care. It goes pelting after the stick, gathers it up, and comes pelting back. Still wiggling, it immediately starts to whine for another go.

“Okay, okay,” she acquiesces, tucking her lunch and book into her purse and slinging it over her shoulder as they relocate to where there were fewer people. “Okay! Just a few more, but then I have to go back to work.”

Lena keeps to her word, getting at least five good throws in. She scans the area for potential owners all the while. The dog has no collar, but otherwise looks well kept. Its coat shines in the sun, and it appears to be a healthy weight.

It certainly looks happy.

“Okay, last one!” she warns. “Last one!”

She gives this one extra oomph, aiming for a longer, shallower trajectory. she nearly doubles the distance, and smiles as the dog takes off after it. “Bye, sweetie,” she murmurs softly.

An uneasiness settles over her as she turns and heads out of the park. It doesn’t feel right leaving the dog unattended, but she has a meeting to get to, and it’s possible its owner had dipped off for a pit stop somewhere, and will be back any second.

Do people do that in off-leash areas?

It turns out to be a moot point when a whine catches her attention at the edge of the grass. When she turns, a sharp stick jabs her in the thigh.

“Ouch! No, honey, you’re not coming with me.” Lena points the dog back towards the off leash area. The dog lunges as though she’s thrown another stick, but then wises up a heartbeat later and comes prancing back. “Go on! Go to your person!”

The dog wiggles, its whole body wagging. Lena sighs. “Is your person even here?”

Her only response is a sharp whine and a doggy smile around the stick still in its mouth.

“Go on! Shoo!”

This time, Lena turns away and resumes her walk without turning back. She hopes that refusing to acknowledge the dog will make it lose interest and wander back to its owner, wherever they are. Each consecutive block with the dog clicking at her heels disabuses her of that notion. By the time Lena reaches L-Corp, irritation has joined the mix, and she turns sharply on her heel to face the dog.

“Look. You are not my dog. I am not your person. This afternoon was fun, but I have to get back to work, and you need to go back to… wherever you came from. Got it?”

The dog stares at her, eyes searching hers for… something. Slowly, it sits.

Oh. Okay then.

“Good.”

Lena turns to go inside– and sighs when another whine precedes the tap of claws on concrete as the dog follows her once more. Oh, god.

“Fine,” Lena surrenders with a roll of her eyes. “But sticks aren’t allowed in the building. Drop it.”

Damp wood clacks to the ground, leaving pieces of bark stuck to the dog’s chops.

“Lovely.”

Unable to delay any longer, Lena pulls the door open, and walks inside, dog unfailingly at her heels. Security rises to intervene, but she waves them back. This dog, if nothing else, isn’t dangerous. As far as she knows.

God, what is she doing?

She’s watching the dog climb onto her couch, apparently, looking for all the world like it owns the place.

“Nope. No way. Off.”

The dog lifts its head with an indignant whine like she’s the one being unreasonable. “Down.”

It slinks off in increments, hoping she’ll change her mind. She doesn’t. Eventually, it curls up dejectedly on the floor instead.

“Good dog.”

Thumping fills Lena’s office, as a fluffy tail starts wagging. Lena softens. It really is cute.

It’ll need a visit to the vet, for a chip scan and wellness exam, just in case. Lena then realizes she has no collar, no leash, no nothing to care for a dog, even temporarily.

“You sure are a lot of trouble, aren’t you?” Lena sighs as she settles in behind her desk. “You’re lucky I’ve got a thing for blondes.”

A golden head tilts in question, ears perked.

Speaking of which… Lena reaches for her phone, and pulls up her most recent chat window to type a quick text to accompany the picture she snaps of her visitor.

You are not going to believe what happened.

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I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.

I mean, the heroes do, of course they do, kids who want to meet Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through Central City for just thirty seconds.

But surely there are also the kids, who - because they are kids and sometimes kids are just weird - decide that what they really, really want is to meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is just really, really cool, you know?

Oh, man, that would absolutely be a thing. The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.

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But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organise everything?

Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible, but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking out said bar, but they finally find them.

So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.

The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.

At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point the employee sees red.

They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.

When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink, grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re outside, the villain apologises for their assumption, asks for the kid’s details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if someone asks for them again.

A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise, several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack of signed polaroids of her and the villain.

The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that assignment?

Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain happily agrees when they realise it’s the same volunteer who asked the other guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during their visits.

The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains give them trouble.

Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain Wrangler.

The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.

Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never even have to know it was you.”

The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the kids would you?”

Heroes: “… no~ but…”

The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”

Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to a pillar.

The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone figures out that I’m missing.”

Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it? Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time. If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their disposal, right?”

Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”

The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”

Villain: “Indeed.”

Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>

The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”

Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>

The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah well, you know me, I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”

Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”

The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you know?”

Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but, what should I say?”

The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used the most just after.”

Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently> “….yes.”

The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that the Anti-hero would betray them.

But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme lengths to protect their identities.

Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is terrified by what it could mean.

My first official deadpool headcanon is this. This this this.

Okay but this whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, because villains are a lot more likely to be disfigured/disabled/use adaptive devices (bc ableist tropes), so of course, say, a child amputee is going to be more interested in the villain with a robot arm who almost destroyed New York than the heroes that took him down.

Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the line becomes a villain themself, except their crimes are things like smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. curses. welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he started helping/training her. 

“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,” she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got the real you!”

Every year the Villain Wrangler gets a very expensive gift basket from the pair.

and for the kids who don’t get better the villains are there too, they show up to every funeral, they bear too small coffins on their shoulders and the heroes stand aside

they are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these parents have every right to their grief and anger

and the lost children are never forgotten. flowers appear on graves during birthdays and anniversaries, heroes find pictures of those kids and they carefully take them down and ensure they’re delivered to the villain’s cell, and a few villains can be seen with friendship bracelets wrapped around their wrists the cops have learned not to try and take them off

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This is all soooo good, but I wonder what effect this has on the villains. Like, can they really wreak indiscriminate havoc when they know the kids that worship them might be in the area? Like, what if they attack a shopping mall and it just so happens that Annie’s mom ran in for a pair of shoes or something? What then?

So what you’re saying is that there is now an organization of henchmen who do round the clock, exhaustive research in order to make sure the villain’s plan isn’t going to ruin the life of some kid. Just imagine some aunt getting a call from an unlisted number.

“I swear I am not a bill collector ma’am. It’s just. Well. Ok and I swear I am not a stalker even if this is actually going to be a very creepy phone call, but you said you were going to the mall at four? Is it possible you could reschedule or postpone that trip for about an hour? That mall is way too close to…well. It just wouldn’t be safe. I could wire you some money, and you could go to the much nicer mall one town over? Would that work for you? No? You are calling the police? Yes. Yes that is the sensible thing to do. Definitely do that. You have a nice day, ma’am. Tell Marcus Doctor Evil says hello and to have a nice day.”

And then the poor minion has to call the villain and explain why robbing X bank isn’t a good idea that day. 

“Yes. Hello. Sir? Oh good I caught you before you left the base. Look, Marcus Smithson’s aunt is going to be near the blast radius for that job you have scheduled so-yes. Yes I am aware that rescheduling is going to be a lot of work since most everything is already set up, but….but, sir think about poor Marcus! She’s his favorite aunt, and the woman refused to ‘reorder her life around some crazy mastermind’. ……no…..no, please do not kidnap the aunt, sir. It’s terribly rude. Yes I realize you weren’t going to keep her or doing anything other than drop her off at an alternative location, but, well, citizens frown upon that sort of thing and….yes….Yes, of course. You have a good day, too, sir.”

And they turn to their coworker and are just like “So if I don’t come in to work tomorrow it’s because Doctor Evil threw me in his dungeon and/or sent his hellhounds to maul me. Please remember to send help.”

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Oooooh yes.

But but but… what happens when one falls through the cracks? When Lord Dominion or whatever does a typical baddie thing but then Penny’s new best friend gets caught up in the damage and Lord D didn’t even KNOW Penny had a new bestie so how was he to know but now the kid is devastated and it’s all his fault? I mean, how does that even shake out?

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Penny SWEARS REVENGE! Lord D is distraught but also somewhat proud. He sends Penny a very sincere apology and also a bunch of tips on how to execute a proper vengeance plot, in case she decides not to accept the apology. He sends henchmen to spy on her, and he keeps the surveillance photos of her sitting in her room, plans and schematics strewn all over her desk. He puts them in his wallet and brags to all his villain friends that one of his kids is taking up scheming, look at her go, she’s already started on pattern analysis of his latest heists. He’s so proud. Later this month he’ll show up on her way home from school so she can have her first Confrontation.

omg yes. Yes to all of that. There will inevitably be mistakes and tragedies.

Penny is an intelligent kid. She catches on to the spying henchmen pretty quick and bribes some of them to her side with snacks. That first confrontation does not go like Lord Dominion expected because Penny has minions (minions that are using his OWN WEAPONS against him, even) 

Lord Dominion is the proudest villain ever, even if he did almost lose an ear thanks to the impeccable aim of a nine year old with a grudge. He does let the laser blast graze him just so he can have a scar to show people because that girl is a villain after his own heart.

He doesn’t want to ask his villain rivals to help her out because that would imply he doesn’t think she’s capable of eventually growing strong enough to kick his ass. Turns out Penny already thought of  that and has mailed letters asking for advice to Lady Sinister, Lord Dominion’s long time, mostly friendly rival. (She mailed a letter to Lord D’s arch nemesis, but man. Heroes are always trying to make you do The Right Thing. Penny doesn’t have time for the high road. Plus, the low road has lasers.)

Lady Sinister thinks Penny is the best thing ever and while she has mostly stopped kicking Lord D’s ass, she still breaks into his hideout to sit in his favorite chair with a glass of wine and brags about her new favorite up and coming villainess. (She doesn’t warn Lord D about the attack rabbits she agreed to train for Penny as a favor, and for obvious reasons, she is going to be a bystander at the next confrontation, filming everything on her phone to post the dark web so all their villain friends can see this)

@deadcatwithaflamethrower - there is more. Took me a moment to find where I’d reblogged it, though.

THERE IS MOAR.