goblins be like
“lmao i have dirt on me shoes”
“oh my god i need those fingerless gloves”
“every time i go to the beach i collect as many shells as i can carry and before i leave i bury them in a hole i made for ~safe keeping~”
“nO DONT KICK THE SHINY I WANT IT”
“abolish capitalism lmao”
“who wants to make a dirt cake?”
*sees slug on the ground* “oh FUCK IVE FOUND MY FIRST BORN CHILD”
“no u don’t understand, i need this leaf. it’s gonna go in my leaf journal”
someone: “go to bed” goblin: “time isn’t real. string cheese is. just let me eat”
“yes, linda, i do need twelve different small spoons. kindly fuck off”
“did u know that soda can tabs are worth a penny a piece? that’s why i have fucking thousands of them. what do u mean ‘so why haven’t u cashed them in yet?’ i’m keeping them forever”
*goes into a depression* “hozier is my only solace”
“no i will not fix my dresser drawers, i like to see them all wonky like that”
“embrace the moss or it will embrace you”
“can u have a pet bee without having to worry abt being stung? i don’t like those suits that beekeepers wear”
“backpacks and pants with many and/or large pockets?? sign me the fuck up!!!!!!!”
“acorns and mushrooms are valid bc it looks like they have hats on”
referring to a cactus: “i love my spiky son”
“isn’t it cool how i intentionally misspell words to convey the gobliney emotion behind the text?? isn’t that groovy???”
“:>”
“i have achieved 2 (two) things in my life. both involve obtaining many, many bottle caps”
“cosmo sheldrake is the only person who Truly Gets Me”
“i have a pair of ceramic teeth that i keep in my room”
“i always kinda wanted to break all my earrings n keep the stones in my hoard”
“companionship? never heard of her. gonna fuck off into the woods one day” someone: shows them even the slightest affection goblin: “companionship good. gonna fuck off into the woods with the One I Love”
