#20
“Your hands are cold.”
“I’m dead, what do you expect?”
omg i wanna start a story with this and finish with "your hands are cold, i thought to myself as i gazed into your lifeless eyes for the last time" or somethinglike that

“Your hands are cold.”
“I’m dead, what do you expect?”
omg i wanna start a story with this and finish with "your hands are cold, i thought to myself as i gazed into your lifeless eyes for the last time" or somethinglike that
reblog to totally soup your friends!
If you know me, no you don't
I just finished this for an English "personalised profile/goal setting" thing and I absolutely hate it (please ignore the illegible handwriting)
Can’t risk it
The duck of creativity. I waited so long for it.
Duck of creativity please bless my writing burnt out brain
Oh god
who decided the current psych ward system was a good idea like “let’s lock up someone who is having the worst time of their life and is in crisis with a bunch of other people who are having the worst time of their life and are in crisis and make them witness each other’s agony. also let’s hire demons for nurses just in case it isn’t traumatic enough”
“we should take all the suicidal people and lock them in one place and see what happens”
I don't think I have forgiven my parents, don't know if I will. But I am healing and moving on and we are both trying to continue and strengthen our relationship with each other. Maybe someday we will talk about it, maybe someday I will tell my parents how they made me feel, what my reaction was, how it fundamentally changed me.
Maybe if she acknowledges that anything actually happened.
Victim complexes from abusers are so weird.
They hate the term victim to begin with, and associate it automatically with negative connotations about how people only use the word to be manipulative and not take accountability. Ironically because they're projecting onto the fact that THEY would/already do use that word in that manner. While also trying to dismiss people who are victims to abuse at the same time by making it seem like real victims are just crazy or pitiful.
But they basically hate any time someone says they (the abuser) are acting like a victim unnecessarily, because they just have so many reasons/excuses for why they are the way they are. Which is... basically them victimizing themselves over having a victim complex. Oh no, your dog died when you were 10 and you've never been the same since? Sounds like you're being a victim to something that happened 15 years ago and has nothing to do with punching people in the face. Are you thinking about punching your dead dog while you abuse someone?
And they're allowed to hold everything over your head at all times. They're allowed to play the "it just upsets me when you do x thing uwu" to excuse abusing you. They're allowed to call themselves a piece of shit or garbage person or threaten to unalive themselves because life is so hard or being a respectful partner is so hard, etc etc.
But you cannot be upset or else you have a victim complex, not them. You cannot hold a grudge or feel resentful or else you're milking it. You cannot break up with them because they'll twist it to make you seem crazy and unreasonable and victimizing yourself.
Then the main problem they have in the relationship is that either:
That they're not allowed to just do whatever they want without consequences because it hurts their feelings and now they're a victim to "oppression" aka accountability.
Or the fact that they're mad that their hand isn't being held for everything. "Teach me morale, keep poking and pushing me even though I'll lash out, you're giving up on me by not teaching me common manners". Weaponizing incompetence (even though they're competent any other time), to be a victim to the idea of having any responsibility to take care of their own mess, because people don't want a grown toddler for a partner. Being a victim because people don't want to babysit an adult and make sure they're not out here rxping and abusing people,otherwise you're the shitty person.
They'll have a victim complex over everything, even you acknowledging you're a victim/survivor to abuse. "Omg you're milking it and trying to make me suffer by not letting it go!" Way to use my reaction to your abuse as fuel for your hurt/disturbed feelings. Nice way to continue milking the situation and keep looking like a victim even though you've "moved on and got better".
And OK but did YOU let go of anything in the relationship? Would you let this go if it were you dealing with this thing that's 10x worse than what you had to deal with when you were losing your shit over small things? The shit that were literally conjured in your head due to your own victimized brain seeing shit that wasn't there and abusing people as a way to lash out?
It's just weird the way they act. I hate it. They hate people who are actually victims to something fucked up because they have zero empathy for anybody outside of sympathizing with themself. But they'll be the first to tell you they're a victim to their own actions and constantly make it known and make you aware of it.
They're a victim to the world somehow not liking them.
They're a victim to abusing people til they leave.
They're a victim for trying everything they can to be miserable and reject happiness.
They're a victim to their own behavior and they'll constantly make that known.
They're a victim to being held accountable.
They're a victim to people not liking them due to their actions.
They're a victim to people not letting go of what they've done the way they want.
As if being a victim is supposed to just stop people from being upset with them because they want to look as pathetically inept as possible.
But God forbid you are a victim to them. God forbid you are aware of being an abuse survivor.
How a friendship (or a relationship) should NOT make you feel:
If this is your experience in a friendship or a relationship, it’s not love and care that you’re getting out of it. These situation should not happen in a loving, healthy and mutually caring friendships or relationships.
It’s unlikely that you feel slighted by things that aren’t meant to slight you. Being ignored, neglected, left behind, manipulated, used, lead on, groomed, shamed, forced to fear what their perception of you is - those are all scenarios that would upset and bring pain and misery to every single person. You’re not irrational for feeling this, and you don’t have to hide it. If someone is repeatedly making you feel this way, you’re more than justified in leaving. You don’t need to endure this for anyone.
I’m not like actively suicidal but if some tried to kill me I wouldn’t fight back, if a car was headed for me I wouldn’t move, if I cut a little to deep I wouldn’t try and stop the bleeding, if i could die without me actually killing myself I would 100% be down