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slay

@mandmwrapper

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who decided the current psych ward system was a good idea like “let’s lock up someone who is having the worst time of their life and is in crisis with a bunch of other people who are having the worst time of their life and are in crisis and make them witness each other’s agony. also let’s hire demons for nurses just in case it isn’t traumatic enough”

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“we should take all the suicidal people and lock them in one place and see what happens”

Peter: I've figured it out
Tony: figured what out?
Peter: how to best insult anyone
Tony: okay, how?
Peter: an adjective + a curse word + a noun = an amazing and strange insult
Peter: Like, you obnoxious shit monkey
Harley: you jolly fuck pie
Scott: you intolerant goddamn coathanger
Sam: you slimy goddamn llama
Nat: you constipated fucking traffic cone
Clint: You espresso loving cunt tractor
Tony: You illiterate twat vacuum
Bucky: you blind fucking train
Steve: Buck, we talked about this. You can't keep making train jokes you unconventional fucking lawnmower

I don't think I have forgiven my parents, don't know if I will. But I am healing and moving on and we are both trying to continue and strengthen our relationship with each other. Maybe someday we will talk about it, maybe someday I will tell my parents how they made me feel, what my reaction was, how it fundamentally changed me.

Maybe if she acknowledges that anything actually happened.

Victim complexes from abusers are so weird.

They hate the term victim to begin with, and associate it automatically with negative connotations about how people only use the word to be manipulative and not take accountability. Ironically because they're projecting onto the fact that THEY would/already do use that word in that manner. While also trying to dismiss people who are victims to abuse at the same time by making it seem like real victims are just crazy or pitiful.

But they basically hate any time someone says they (the abuser) are acting like a victim unnecessarily, because they just have so many reasons/excuses for why they are the way they are. Which is... basically them victimizing themselves over having a victim complex. Oh no, your dog died when you were 10 and you've never been the same since? Sounds like you're being a victim to something that happened 15 years ago and has nothing to do with punching people in the face. Are you thinking about punching your dead dog while you abuse someone?

And they're allowed to hold everything over your head at all times. They're allowed to play the "it just upsets me when you do x thing uwu" to excuse abusing you. They're allowed to call themselves a piece of shit or garbage person or threaten to unalive themselves because life is so hard or being a respectful partner is so hard, etc etc.

But you cannot be upset or else you have a victim complex, not them. You cannot hold a grudge or feel resentful or else you're milking it. You cannot break up with them because they'll twist it to make you seem crazy and unreasonable and victimizing yourself.

Then the main problem they have in the relationship is that either:

That they're not allowed to just do whatever they want without consequences because it hurts their feelings and now they're a victim to "oppression" aka accountability.

Or the fact that they're mad that their hand isn't being held for everything. "Teach me morale, keep poking and pushing me even though I'll lash out, you're giving up on me by not teaching me common manners". Weaponizing incompetence (even though they're competent any other time), to be a victim to the idea of having any responsibility to take care of their own mess, because people don't want a grown toddler for a partner. Being a victim because people don't want to babysit an adult and make sure they're not out here rxping and abusing people,otherwise you're the shitty person.

They'll have a victim complex over everything, even you acknowledging you're a victim/survivor to abuse. "Omg you're milking it and trying to make me suffer by not letting it go!" Way to use my reaction to your abuse as fuel for your hurt/disturbed feelings. Nice way to continue milking the situation and keep looking like a victim even though you've "moved on and got better".

And OK but did YOU let go of anything in the relationship? Would you let this go if it were you dealing with this thing that's 10x worse than what you had to deal with when you were losing your shit over small things? The shit that were literally conjured in your head due to your own victimized brain seeing shit that wasn't there and abusing people as a way to lash out?

It's just weird the way they act. I hate it. They hate people who are actually victims to something fucked up because they have zero empathy for anybody outside of sympathizing with themself. But they'll be the first to tell you they're a victim to their own actions and constantly make it known and make you aware of it.

They're a victim to the world somehow not liking them.

They're a victim to abusing people til they leave.

They're a victim for trying everything they can to be miserable and reject happiness.

They're a victim to their own behavior and they'll constantly make that known.

They're a victim to being held accountable.

They're a victim to people not liking them due to their actions.

They're a victim to people not letting go of what they've done the way they want.

As if being a victim is supposed to just stop people from being upset with them because they want to look as pathetically inept as possible.

But God forbid you are a victim to them. God forbid you are aware of being an abuse survivor.

How a friendship (or a relationship) should NOT make you feel:

  • What if I’m not good enough to be their friend/partner?
  • If I keep doing everything in my power to please/impress this person, then maybe they’ll someday acknowledge me and like me
  • I’m not worth their attention. I was stupid to expect them to care about me. I should have known I’m not special to them from the start.
  • What they just did crushes me inside and makes me feel invisible/worthless/forgettable/abandoned but I know it’s my fault for being like this and I can never bring it up or they’ll think I’m a freak
  • I should stuff my feelings down and accept that I’m just not that important and that if they accidentally walk all over me this is fine and I have to find a way to be at peace with it
  • I wish they would give me at least half as much attention as I’m giving them. But if I bring it up, they’ll think I expect too much or that I’m keeping count and I shouldn’t. Maybe one day they’ll return the attention.
  • I don’t feel cared about at all. I feel just as lonely as when I didn’t have anyone, but now also scared that it’s my fault.
  • I’m scared of what they’re going to think of me if I say how I feel. I’m scared what they’re going to think if they find out more about me.
  • I can tell I’ll be abandoned as soon as I confront them about anything unfair and painful they’ve done to me.
  • I want to have someone but this is painful.
  • I don’t think they realize my feelings are real, and that I’m a real person who exists even at time when they don’t need me. I don’t think I can explain this to them.
  • I feel used, but it’s my fault for allowing them to use me. I need to figure this out myself.
  • I feel that for every good thing I do for their life, they make mine more painful and unbearable. They don’t even notice it because they don’t know what I’m going thru. And I don’t dare to tell them.
  • If I tell them what’s painful for me, when they inevitably do it again, I’ll know they knew they’re hurting me. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.
  • Would they just be happier without me?
  • I’m spending more time fretting and over-analyzing what they’re going to do than enjoying their stay in my life..
  • I don’t think this person ever cared about me. They only saw what they could get out of me.
  • I feel like crying repeatedly when I remember things they did and said to me
  • I feel that they want to keep me even when it’s incredibly painful for me to endure it. I want to be set free. Why won’t they let me go.

If this is your experience in a friendship or a relationship, it’s not love and care that you’re getting out of it. These situation should not happen in a loving, healthy and mutually caring friendships or relationships.

It’s unlikely that you feel slighted by things that aren’t meant to slight you. Being ignored, neglected, left behind, manipulated, used, lead on, groomed, shamed, forced to fear what their perception of you is - those are all scenarios that would upset and bring pain and misery to every single person. You’re not irrational for feeling this, and you don’t have to hide it. If someone is repeatedly making you feel this way, you’re more than justified in leaving. You don’t need to endure this for anyone.

I’m not like actively suicidal but if some tried to kill me I wouldn’t fight back, if a car was headed for me I wouldn’t move, if I cut a little to deep I wouldn’t try and stop the bleeding, if i could die without me actually killing myself I would 100% be down

Fr