Quotes and Bull Shit

What’s the point of grinding to the bone your whole life for money if you aren’t even gonna be there to spend it…

"The less you eat, drink and buy books; the less you go to the theatre, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love, theorise, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save – the greater becomes your treasure which neither moths nor rust will devour – your capital. The less you are, the less you express your own life, the more you have, i.e., the greater is your alienated life, the greater is the store of your estranged being." -Karl Marx, Economic and Philosophical Manuscripts of 1844

“The thing about money is, we can always make more, so let’s go out to eat tonight!” —My dad, after being laid-off, working odd and probably demeaning jobs so we could have dinner.

“Ah, baby, I want to buy this for you, it’s not like I can take the money with me when I go.” —My mom, when she bought me new clothes while I was between jobs.

“There’ll always be a job out there you can work, but we’d prefer you happy instead.” —Both my parents on jobs (“I can always get ya a job ditch diggin! They’ll always need ditch diggers. Hard work, but no college necessary. I can talk to the Hall.”—My proud, union dad, enthused, three seconds later.)

“It doesn’t matter what they do with the money after you give it to them. Drugs, beer, it doesn’t matter, maybe that’s what they need? How do you know?” —My dad on giving money to the homeless.

“Nah, we’ll never make any money, my husband has morals.” —My mom’s friend, fondly reflecting on the fact her lawyer husband isn’t working for a big money firm.

“Don’t worry! I’ve got this!” My equally poor friend buying me dinner when my debt card declined.

“I know we didn’t have furniture in the living room when you were growing up, but—ha!—remember Balloon Ball?” —My dad reflecting on the made up, mock-volleyball game we’d play in the open living room, using balloons. He had used electrical tape to make the court.

“I’m sorry we could never take you anywhere greater growing up,” —My mom, reflecting on our “stay-cations.” (“Why?” I asked, reflecting on all our trips to the park, zoo, public swimming pools, libraries, free theater, two dollar movie days, and her and my dad right there with me and my brothers.)

Bring poor is hard and it’s not right that it happens, but I prefer it to the hustle because at the very least, poor taught me what love is and I won’t let a shitty job deny me that.

ok!!!

do the people who say shit like this know they're on the gay sex website

they're right, people who are horny online should not be embarrassed about it

A family of cheetahs sleep with the forest guard every night. When the Forest Dept. heard about it, they decided to check the veracity of the claim by installing a CCTV camera. This is what the camera recorded! Just amazing.

Kitties will be kitties 🐈‍⬛

The wolf is so done with the fox’s bs 😂

Foxes are cat software being run on dog hardware.  Clearly this fox is operating on the Kitten OS.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

Mozilla FireFox @ Internet Explorer

Love Rainy Weather....

videos that make me feel creature

pleaaaaaase y'all the process of having a manufacturing facility declared kosher has nothing to do with a rabbi blessing the food

pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase stop

you can literally google what is required

This touches on something I feel like most Christians (cultural and/or practicing) reaaaaallllly don’t get which is that rabbis traditionally aren’t clergy/priests in the Christian sense.

A rabbi isn’t a divinely-ordained speaker-for-God whose primary role is leading worship. Traditionally, rabbis are experts in Jewish law, practice, culture, history, etc.

A rabbi doesn’t have any sacred/spiritual/magical powers to bless things that any other Jew doesn’t have. (And that’s not how blessing things works in Judaism anyway. It’s an expression of gratitude, not a transmutation or instillation of magic divine power.)

The reason a rabbi is involved is to *make sure everything’s being done correctly.* Because they’re an *expert*.

Not to “bless” anything to fill it with godpowers or whatever.

Yes yes this.

You call in a rabbi to supervise and make sure that a kosher food production facility is set up properly the same way that you call in a master electrician to check and make sure all the lines are set up correctly. The electrician isn't blessing your production line any more than the rabbi is - they're both there to make sure shit is being done right.

So what you’re saying. Is the rabbi is like kOSHA?

This made me laugh so hard I wheezed.

You’ve heard of “Elf On A Shelf,” but…… . #merrychristmas #happyholidays #elfonashelf #dougonarug https://www.instagram.com/p/CmZ3x7aSiJu/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

OH WELL, BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

every time i go to order food at a counter my brain always wants to answer with my customer service phone greeting, I just open my mouth and it comes out

and lemme tell you there is nothing like being in a mcdonald’s and responding to “can i take your order?” with “AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA”

@deadcatwithaflamethrower have some funny :)

The human brain on autopilot makes for some of the funniest shit ever.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE POST EVER

I’ve been working from home for about a year now, as a dispatcher. My husband and I share an office, and the other day he walked in and said I love you right as my phone started ringing. I looked at him and said Hello then answered the phone and said I love you. I had one incredibly confused driver and could not stop laughing long enough to explain.

I work as a barista and we have one customer who comes in every day, nornall first thing, and one morning, rather than saying ‘have a nice day!’ I yelled ‘have fun!’ and I’ve never lived it down. Now she tells me to have fun as she leaves.

Having once worked as a “cast member” for a “theme park” in the Southern California area, we were expected to tailor our interactions with guests to the theme of the area– “Howdy, y'all!”/“Y'all come back now, ya hear?” for the Wild West area or “Hope your day is out of this world!” for the space theme. To this day, I will never forget, after YEARS of working at other jobs elsewhere, telling a woman checking in late at night at my hotel, “I hope you have a magical stay, Princess!”

I work in complaints and have been repeatedly told NOT to talk to my friends in my “work voice” cause it freaks them out.

I got a wrong number calling me yesterday (I think it was for a house viewing, she was like, Hi (name) it’s Pam, we had an appointment at 2.30 this afternoon?) and legit slipped into my understanding, calm voice. “Hi Pam, this is Robyn, thanks for calling, but I think you might have the wrong number.” and she was like… um… right, okay?

I run a flower shop and I recently yelled for my driver to grab the sunflower out of the back... I was supposed to be asking for scissors...

my favorite tumblr ecosystem

(via o4bfzlk686u91.png (PNG Image, 1000 × 1500 pixels) — Scaled (77%))

I need this.

Reblogged last year, hoping it comes this year

dark green is a nice color. underrated

ladies and gentlemen, Phtalo Green

From what I recall, the first time I saw 'rainbow capitalism' from a big brand was this image from Oreo in 2012.

It created a lot of controversy. Calls for boycotts and such. But Oreo didn't take it down. They were unapologetic and didn't try to appease the homophobes or backtrack.

And I know this sounds weird, but it was like a shift. Proof that public opinion or acceptance of queerness was widespread enough for a company to consider it profitable.

also please spare a moment to think about the queer marketing people who fought to get these campaigns live while their cis straight white leadership didn't want to! don't yell at the person on social - they're more likely to be the people fighting for your visibility

santa saw you reading all that gay porn

#so does he want a rec or

Every year a bobcat mama gives birth to a litter of kittens on my roof. I set up a camera this time around. 

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