when your pet comes to you from another room, the preceding moments meant that they were alone somewhere and thought about YOU, an animal brain literally thought about you and came to you to see what you were doing. that’s love, unconditional.

sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.

i see you all in the tags going "this is so funny" you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke

you cant do this to me

vader: who tore the warning sign off of this wampa cage?? storm trooper: security footage shows it was removed by a golden protocol droid vader: LOL

Vader in RotJ: wait the Alderaan princess is my daughter?? don’t know how to feel about that.

Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.

Vader: OH HELL YEAH

why would you hide this in the tags that’s hilarious

autumntides

10h

"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.

Fucking word.

Learn your rights!

“the horrors” is such a good phrase for when anyone experiences anything. going to work? thats the horrors. thinking about a really awful time of your life? the horrors. waking up before youre supposed to and not being able to fall back asleep? also the horrors

love how donating 3 kidneys is morally neutral

Literally no one:

Not a single soul:

Male authors:

[Image text from a novel:

"I like your mother. You have your mother's breasts."

"Her breasts."

"Great stand-up tits," he said.]

sorry I think we’re sleeping on

This author is either writing a parody or they’re an alien

this is Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo. it’s a really weird novel about a man going to get a haircut that’s also a pretty explicit criticism of the 1%.

the main character is a multimillionaire who’s so fixated on money and materialism that he’s basically forgotten how to be a normal human being and connect with people. that conversation above is him talking to his new wife. at one point, he even says something like, “this is good. we are having a conversation. this is what people do.”

Sunday Strip Watchmen

It’s pretty much a very short parody of Watchmen with news paper comic characters instead of superheroes. Somewhat inspired by Bartkira, I made this sampling of pages both as a joke and to see what it would look like if newspaper characters got the same dark treatment superheroes did in the 80s. There was no copy/pasting in any of these pages, I redrew them by looking intimately at my copy of Watchmen and pictures of each character I was using.

Credit:

Based on “Watchmen” by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, owned by DC comics

“Peanuts” by Charles M. Schulz “Garfield” by Jim Davis “Dilbert” by Scott Adams “Calvin & Hobbes” by Bill Watterson “Cathy” by Cathy Guisewite “Beetle Bailey” by Mort Walker “The Family Circus” by Bil and Jeff Keane

Also, enjoy this bonus:

Ok reblogging just for the last panel

Kid 1: Hey what are you doing?

Kid 2: *tosses a bike in the river* I dunno I’m just fuckin tossing bikes in the river bro

I really believed the caption was a snarky parody of what was said and not literally the actual dialogue

what is the most widespread but niche mcyt containment breach and why is it “diggy diggy hole”

LIKE. MY BROTHER THIS IS A MINECRAFT MAN !!!!!! THIS IS CUBES!!!!!

^ moments that changed the timeline

tuo sllup dneirfyob flowerew ym nehW

TAHW ruoy

yM

??thgir taht gnidaer I ma ,yrros m'I

YM

?dehsurc gnitteg nolemretaw eht erongi annog tsuj er'ew oS

nolemretaW

TONIGHT. WE’RE DRINKING FROM THE POND.

God?

"Data, in your interactions with 21st century internet culture, have you discovered a way to improve the warp drive?"

"I have, sir. It involves synthesizing a new form of dilithium crystals into a new lattice structure. However, it will require the aid of an individual from that period whose history and research procedures may be considered 'unorthodox' by Starfleet standards."

"How 'unorthodox' exactly, data?"

"...So let me get this straight. After all of the manipulation, back-stabbing, and other horrible things you've accused me of over these past few months, you just think you can waltz on back here and ask for my help?"

"Mr. White, you said it yourself when we first met. 'We need to cook...'"

"...bitch."

Jesse...how did you become so knowledgeable about developing crystal meth? The lattice structure must be hundreds of times denser than anything I've ever seen us make before. We're getting to levels of supersaturation that I didn't think were theoretically possible.

That is an astute observation, Mr. White. In actuality, the crystal lattice grows on the basis of a Dilithium framework, a sub-element of Lithium. This allows the amphetamine to become supersaturated on a scale of several orders of magnitude, usually ranging between 10^22 to 10^26 concentrations.

What... what the fuck are you talking about, Jesse? Dilithium crystal lattices? Supersaturation calculations?... you're not Jesse, are you? What have you done with my partner?

You are correct, Mr. White. The truth is that this is all an illusion. You and everyone you know have been dead for over three hundred years. Given your understanding of methamphetamine compounds and their effects, we have recreated you in a holographic chamber to utilize your expertise in developing new crystal variants to power our starship's engines. In your era's nomenclature, dilithiun crystals are a crank so potent that it literally distorts space-time to make faster than light travel possible.

So what you're saying is, you resurrected me in the 24th century... to manufacture super meth... that your ship runs on...? That after being dead for centuries, my only reason for existing is to make "space crank?!"

...that is correct.

Scientists Create the Face of Crystal Skull Vodka From a Bottle

Crystal Skull Vodka

not sexy!!!! :/

Breaking Bad could easily have an episode where Walter touches a crystal and it makes him seperate into multicolored different parts of his personality and Jesse has to try and put them back together

LMAOOOOOO

@bimbosofficial

jesse don't touch that that's the growth potion i've been synthesi-no jesse DON'T

yo mr white you're all tiny and shit now

SPACE TREKS THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE STARPRISE ENTERSHIP

Long Live and Prosperous

Space, the fronty finalier;

These are the voyages of the starprise Entership;

It’s five-mission year to sort out new light and new symbolizations

To badly go whence none men has before gone!

** Star Trek theme starts playing off-key and performed by a kazoo band**

gold

someone ordered kazoo?

[Video description: A compilation of clips from Star Trek: The Next Generation showing the instances in which Picard pulled his shirt. It is edited so that every time he pulls his shirt, his badge flies off of his uniform with a 'pop' sound. End description]

Me when i like and reblog a post

Can we get this post to two million notes

That sucks for you but this animation makes me feel alive for the first time in years

So glad you asked

Stop calling this cursed, this is true gay love you're witnessing right now

Love wins