I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I'm not talking about the occasional feeling of anger at who I am.
No, I'm talking about a continuous feeling of self hatred, loathing and a want to be an entirely different person from who I am.
No, it's not as easy as just changing the way I look at myself. It's really not.
I hate the way I look, the way I talk, the things I do, how I react to anything that comes my way, my laziness, my eating habits, my hair, my clothes, my stomach, my legs, my operation scars and anything that I think makes me who I am.
People tell me that I'm great, that everyone likes me, that I'm popular, that I'm pretty, that I'm loved, but it will never be enough for me.
I hate that I have to even be told this and that makes me loath myself even more.
I hate that I feel as though my girlfriend hates me even if my brain is trying to tell me that she doesn’t. But even as I'm writing this I feel as though she would rather leave me than put up with my pathetic self anymore.
I'm scared of opinions and not only others’ but mine.
Because I want to feel as though I am enough and that I matter and that I'm loved but I just can’t.
Please help me. I don’t want to be like this.
