hmph.

I can’t help but think of Mandos sitting alone in his halls with Nienna and Vaire, during the years of the trees, with nothing to do for millennia but to look after the disembodied soul of Miriel, and the occasional idiot who got themself killed by accident.

Mandos: Hey was it really necessary to have a god of the dead on a planet populated entirely by immortals? Because there just doesn’t seem much for me to do.

Eru: Be patient. Wait for it.

I couldn’t resist.

Reductress article title font “I Will Not Take Down The Hanging Rubber Bats (And You Can’t Make Me)”

medical malpractice? not to me. not if it’s you.

hey don't cry. 7,401 species of frog in the world, ok?

IMPORTANT UPDATE: 7,532 species of frog in the world, ok?!

great news! 7,556 species of frog in the world, ok?!

“Well it’s not just mainstream music, aren’t ALL songs about sex and relationships if you really think about it—“ Absolutely the fuck not. I just listened to a song about being buried alive and one about pirates battling a giant squid. Listen to more weird music immediately

i like sailing myths and superstitions because most of them can be boiled down to "if the ocean doesn't like you it will chew you up and spit out your bones. and if it really loves you it will swallow you whole and keep you forever. good luck 👍"

this is probably one of my favorite jokes in all of western media

The wikipedia page for The Coleman Frog is a but a single paragraph but what a paragraph it is

How dare this go around without the image attached

this is it im dying how could anybody believe this is a real frog

I love seeing list memes where someone makes a "le cool people vs le cringe" and they obviously skew it so they barely scrape by into the cool kids club

You just KNOW this dudes 5'11"

I'm 5'11, but in most casual conversations I'll say I'm 5'9. I do this purely for the chaos that it creates. Because everyone assumes that men only exaggerate their height up, it makes me look like the only person honestly describing their height and thus knocks at least 2 inches off everyone else's description. The panic that the 6'1 guys feel at the thought of being described as 5'11 is hard to understate. I have had people run back to their cars to grab tape measures. If I could get away with describing myself as 4'6 I would.

you are the diametrical opposite of the aforementioned guy. you are a demigod walking among mortals

there's ghosts in there

this is the funniest shit ive ever seen in my life

spam emails are horrifying on an entirely different level once you actually begin to grapple with the material reality of ‘cyberspace’. how many servers were involved in dumping this message into my trash folder, where are they located, how much water goes into cooling them every day? where did the metals come from to build these facilities, who maintains them, how much labour and suffering and exploitation is required to bombard me with 50 messages a day i don’t even look at for products i will never buy? not just useless or a nuisance, but actively harming the earth & its people, and for what. zero social value, zero human communication, just capital trying to metastasise

guy who forgets the word prophylactic and so uses the word apotropaic instead

how did Lou stay so straight faced that is a fucking skill

imagine getting this review

I guarantee that Monica at the front desk has not been able to live this review down and her coworkers absolutely bring it up regularly.

If I were Monica I'd print this review out and frame it