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I'm Here, I'm Queer and... I don't know what to do

@major-disaster-enby

Brynn, Pansexual, They/Them pronouns please. Blogs mostly just things that I like. Maybe some writing posts.

Being Transgender in College

I’ll be honest, I barely go on this website anymore, and I think this is my third time posting original thoughts on here, but here I am because I am a broke college student, and I really need some scholarships. 

I never really thought my gender was important until people told me it was. Until every college I applied for and every scholarship asked me my gender as it mattered. I know some colleges just use it for statistics, and that’s understandable, but every time I started a new application, it was a guessing game. I would either be forced into a certain category, or I could freely express myself. It got me thinking about how cis people don’t have to worry about this kind of thing. They don’t have to wonder if a college wouldn’t accept them or if a scholarship application would be denied for something we can’t control. I know schools are better now, but better doesn’t mean they are perfect. Better doesn’t mean I don’t feel fear every time I walk into a room until I see a sign that I am safe. Better doesn’t mean that all of us who don’t fit into society's “normal” aren’t ostracized for being ourselves.

How often have people like me been turned away from jobs because of how we look? I myself have been turned away simply because I don’t look feminine enough. It got to the point where I would dress myself up in ways that gave me dysphoria just to get a job. I’d wear women's cut shirts, raise my voice when talking to customers, and still get strange looks and comments that made me feel like shit. This is nothing new.

Going to college when it is already a struggle to be taken seriously is difficult. If I didn’t have my family supporting me, I don’t know if I’d even go. I’m happy my experience isn’t as tragic or terrible as others I’ve met, but the fear is still there.

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white lgbt ppl dont know how much trouble theyve caused for us -_-

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white lgbt ppl will constantly have to be informed about racism and nonwhite issues bc they're only ever friends w other white people, speak over lgbt ppl of color when it comes to representation and problems in media, not acknowledge when white supremacy feeds into intracommunity bigotry. and then say things like "the lgbt community shouldn't be at odds with each other! 😤" i don't know if you guys know how big a split there is between you and us at the best of times

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white gays can reblog this if u can keep ur mouth shut

musashigouda-deactivated2019032

hey ao3 can you like give the extra $38k you made from this month’s funds drive to charity

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blooming-wilting

You know it legally is a charity, right?

If x charity aims for £10, but gets £15, would you expect then to give back the extra five or give it then to another charity? No. Any extra costs go into the “rainy day” fund; sometimes servers crash or break, sometimes false reports are made that require the legal team, sometimes you need to hire coders or what not to implement new features or fix bugs or deal with broken code … 

The money they aimed for is the bare minimum, which goes towards things like basic server costs and domain names and legal advice and so forth, but they don’t just “pocket” the rest (as people claim). It’s not a business. It has no advertisements. It needs some “rainy day” cash to function. 

You can’t ask a charity to give money to another charity. 

It needs what it gets to function and improve. 

kiena-tesedale replied to this post

They don’t “pocket” excess money. They have a publicly accessible budget - waaaay more info than most charities, in fact. In it, you can clearly see where each dollar goes. (Also, you are vastly underestimating either how much traffic AO3 gets or how much servers/hosting costs.)                    

In my experience, people who don’t work in web design and hosting just have no concept of how heavy a load something like AO3 would have. Not only is the traffic absolutely buck wild, but the quantity of data that archive needs to store is fuckoff crazy. I’m talking “more than the library of congress” crazy. The only reason it doesn’t require Netflix levels of data serving is that it’s text based rather than video.

AO3 is in the top 300 websites in the world, and the top 100 in the US. It is the number 2 literature website.

Number 2 in the entire world. JSTOR is 20.

It sees about 6 million people a day. About 250k an hour. Each of those people is loading multiple pages, many are running searches that execute on literally hundreds of potential variables per search. The demands involved are astronomical.

JSTOR, btw, makes 85 million dollars a year.

It’s 18 ranks below AO3′s traffic, and takes in 650 times the amount of money.

But let’s say you think that’s an unfair comparison. Would you say that the Project Gutenberg Literature Archival Group- another text based archive that handles literature operating outside traditional copyright requirements- is more similar?

Because it sees all of 4% of the traffic that AO3 handles.

Care to guess its budget?

Double that of AO3.

AO3 is doing shit on the kind of shoestring budget that I fully, 100% cannot comprehend. And that’s just the archival service.

The 130k also pays for the OTW’s legal team, which they use to defend the right of fandom to fucking exist.

It’s absolutely batshit fucked up that people are fighting to have the OTW defunded and AO3 shut down. They are the only organized group that actually stands directly between fandom- all the art and the fics and the vids and the music and the chats and the memes and everything we love about interactive, transformative work- and an incalculable amount of lawsuits.

This.

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IF YOURE EGYPTIAN AND LGBTQ+ GET OFF ANY QUEER DATING SITES, THE POLICE ARE TRACKING AND HUNTING PEOPLE DOWN AGAIN. DELETE YOUR ACCOUNTS.

I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE ONLY ONE FOLLOWER PLEASE EVERYONE REBLOG THIS!!!

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everythingwiththeoutsiders

PLEASE REBLOG!

OH GOD REBLOG

Stuff kids on tumblr better relearn

1. You are responsible for your own media experience. 

2. There is such a thing as a healthy level of avoidance towards topics that make you feel unwell or even (in a real-life clinical definition of the term) trigger you - but you are the one to actively take care of what you view.

3. Avoiding does not mean policing others.

4. You have no right to tell artists to censor themselves - you may criticize what others do, you may dislike it, that’s fine - but actively asking for censorship when you could easily unfollow or block a person just makes you look incompetent in your use of the internet.

5. Do not give people on tumblr or /any/ website the responsibility for your emotional well-being. Because these people do not even know you so no, you have no right to ask them to take care of you.

6. Content creators are not your parents and owe you nothing, not even a breakdown on why their content isn’t problematic. You don’t get to demand a dissertation denouncing any and everything unhealthy in a piece you don’t like. Move on.

7. Tagging is a nicety but not an obligation. You can message people, politely, and ask them to tag things, and many people will, but understand that it’s their blog and they aren’t obliged to say yes. Unfollow and block when you need to. Circling back to number 1, you are responsible for curating your own experience.

8. Don’t be a jerk. Remember at the end of the day, there are actual living, breathing people behind each screen name. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face in real life. 

I cannot stress enough how important it is to remember this.

And some adults need to relearn this, too.

9. No one is obligated to follow you, like your posts, or reply. No matter what kind of relationship you have offline or on other sites, they still don’t have to follow you on any specific site. Sometimes, your interactions styles just don’t gel in the context of a given site, and that’s OK.

IF YOU ARE UNMARRIED, DON'T HAVE KIDS, AND HATE YOUR PARENTS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE A FUCKING WILL

this has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood probate lawyer

Again:

1. The law doesn't care how long your parents and family have been out of your life

2. The law doesn't care about your long term friends or "found family"

If you don't have legal documents that say otherwise, your biological family calls all the shots.

This goes especially for LGBTQ+. Please do not get deadnamed in your obituary.

How to make a living will (Advance Healthcare Directive) so you don’t get fucked over by biological family if you end up in a situation where you cannot make your own healthcare choices.

If youre trans, this video is a good ref to start with and she provides links and organizations that can help

hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

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soulsoaker
  • socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
  • climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
  • crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell 
  • the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
  • do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer

Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me. If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door. When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN. Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.

If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.

KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW. Hope this helped.

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2srooky

I might have some useful info to add.

-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.

-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.

-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.

-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.

-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.

-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.

-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.

-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.

-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.

-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!

-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.

-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.

-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.

-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.

-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.

-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.

-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.

-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.

-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.

-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.

-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.

-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.

-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.

-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.

-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.

-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.

-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.

-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.

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underachieved-witch

It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging

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infjwriter

ALWAYS REBLOG

Things that have helped me over the years:

•Keeping a $10 bill on the inside of my phone case for emergencies. My mother will search my wallet and bags but has not taken my phone case off when she takes my phone as of yet.

•stashing loose change I find in the soil of my potted plant. Very quiet hiding place for coins. All bills are quickly confiscated but coins I have managed to hold onto this way

•changing food stash locations constantly. A good stash I’ve found is buried in my mice seed mix. Small packages or granola bars can fit in there pretty easily and the wrappers are flushable (I know it’s bad to flush them but my trash is routinely searched)

• always deleting online traces in case of phone/computer search. This includes search history, forbidden apps, messages, pictures, notes, games, etc. I don’t know how many times I have deleted the tumblr app during the day only to re download it late at night to use it. My phone and computer are constantly confiscated and gone through with a fine tooth comb. I delete anything I might possibly get in trouble for after I use it and re download it when I need it again. Don’t delete all your browsing history though, they will notice if it’s suspiciously empty. Fill it with safe and approved stuff and remove anything you might get punished for.

•learning what each and every door in the house sounds like so I know who is where at all times without having to leave the room

•learning where those ‘sweet spots’ are in the house where you can notice anyone coming before they can see you or what you are doing

•always having a pre-approved cover. I use books and preaching videos as covers. I can hide a phone in a book or quickly switch apps to the one playing the video if surprised or discovered.

• always being aware of ‘the trail’. If I tell a friend something who tells their sibling who tells my sibling who tells my mom I get punished so basically tell no one and it won’t come back to bite you. This includes talking about tv shows/movies that are forbidden, forbidden foods/drinks, activities, apps, games, friends, political views, etc. Express an opinion and it’s bound to reach someone you don’t want it to.

•never take from your abuser’s personal stash of food or money. The family pantry is fair game to carefully pilfer from and so is loose change but never take from their personal purse/wallet, fridge, pantry, or stash. They WILL find out.

•beware of traps and manipulation . My mother will leave money and food unattended and wait for it to disappear. She will also act like she wants to do a good thing and help you out but in the end you will pay for it a hundred times over. Avoid this if at all possible.

• NEVER develop a false sense of security. I have made the mistake of not deleting an app (Pinterest) because there had been a few weeks between phone searches and I felt a little safer. I got caught and severely punished. ALWAYS COVER YOUR TRACKS. Don’t get too confident in your methods, eventually they will find something. Make sure it’s something minor.

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nonbinary-hawke

I just want to point out that when deleting apps, make sure to check that the app store you use doesn’t record what was recently installed. I know that the Google Play Store does this and allows you to delete things from your history, but I don’t know anything about Apple.

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1divergent2hg

Apple does, in the purchased section of an account, so don’t have a false sense of security for apple apps and always try to use websites with no cookies.

Apps for screeensharing to TVs (such as Samsungcast) also have search tools so if you clear your history you can also use that and make sure to clear it. Just don’t play a video or it might end up showing on the TV screen.

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cinnamonsalty

I feel so sad that so many of you guys go through this all the time. Rebooting to spread the word.

Stay safe my lovelies

So, so unfortunately important. Reblogging because I would’ve loved to have had seen this growing up - I figured most of it out on my own, of course, but through an amount of trial, error, and traumatic consequences no child should ever have to go through.

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soldierjhwatson

-if your bedroom door was anything like mine, there is a large enough gap from the floor to the bottom of the door that anytime I got out of bed or walked around the room, the door would jangle. Try putting a small but heavy object flush against the door.

-bring a large cup to pee in when it is not safe for you to leave your room or space. be sure to sneak it down a drain as soon as possible.

-other foods to stash away include trail mix, breakfast bars, fruits and veggies. a couple slices of bread and cheese aren’t as easily missed either.

-i have had luck taping paper money to the underside of our rug.

-be aware that you will likely carry the weight of this time with you for a long while. most of my nightmares still take place in my childhood home, where i haven’t lived in over five years.

-but above all else, this time won’t last forever. you will make it out. i’ve got faith in you.

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fox-sparkle-ghost-symbiote

Hey @mrsmamarhodey idk if you’ve seen this but it’s good advice? I hate that anyone would have to go through this but I feel it may help Honey? ~ Foxy

Bee I will protect you with everything. ~ A

For all of my kids in unsafe home situations. I love you, be safe.

Also, for those of you in situations where you are not believed: as tempting as it is do NOT try and prove it with your phone. Especially if they search it. Please, please don’t do that. Find another way if you absolutely must prove the mistreatment.

-Avoid plastic and paper. They russle a lot, especially when you’re trying to be quiet. As stated above pillowcases are a godsend.

-If you can access the kitchen during the day (and not get caught doing this) move things you might need, granola on the shelf you can only just barely reach? Pull one bar out and slip it to the lowest shelf in the whole kitchen. Put it somewhere no one will check.

-The bottom of a trash can is NOT a good hiding spot. Tempting I know. I’ve hidden a secret stash under a trash bag. Played it off a few times as being a good kid and taking out the trash. But you would have to be the one to always take it out if you did this. Always. You can’t rely on ‘probablies’.

-Self aid. Go to your school nurse and ask for Band-Aids. School computer lab have alcohol pads so you can clean off the mouse? Take some. They will hurt and burn but a clean wound is so much better than an infected one.

-For those of you with allergies to the Staples (peanut butter, bread, cheese, the like) Beans are your new best friend. They suck but hey, they work.

-AVOID SWEETS. This sucks I know. But sweets leave more behind than a chocolate colored tongue, including a sweetened breath (I got busted so badly once even after scrubbing my tongue.)

And finally,

-Find people you can talk to. My messages are always open, @mrsmamarhodey is here for people as well, and many other blogs will listen. Even if there is nothing else we can do. We will listen. We will believe you. We will be there for you in what ways we can. Please, be safe. Stay alive.

I can’t believe that there are actually kids who are forced to live like this. It makes me so upset. I am now very concerned about the people on this site. Please, all of you, stay safe.

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slytherinvalues

there are things in the list that i personally also have to do, some i don’t have to, and tips i could definitely take for the unknown future. anyways, reblogging this in hopes that it could offer a chance for some of you to stay at least a bit safer. remember, we’re all fighting this together

oh, god.

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phantomhive-blue

I know it’s the log-off protest but just before I left the app I saw this.

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awkwardkurogiri

This was a pretty helpful post, but i do hope none of my followers need this.. 

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arealfuckinhoe

can i adopt you guys???? nobody should have to go through this, and it breaks my heart :/

just know that it WILL get better. maybe not now, maybe not for years to come but this will not last forever. ily ♥

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louanabanana
  • I always kept a plastic container with a lid to catch blood or any other fluid when it wasn’t safe to go to the bathroom to properly wash up. I hid it in an old backpack in the closet and cleaned it whenever the coast was clear
  • Most obvious hiding places are in the closet, under the bed, in the bottom of drawers and under rugs.
  • You can tape small items such as a metro card, prepaid phone, plastic bag of money, birth control or other medications, etc under a desk or even better: open the top drawer of your dresser and tape the item to the bottom of the dresser top. Make sure you can open and close it securely without jarring the item free.
  • You can also hide bills in an old DVD case if you are 100% SURE no one will open it.
  • If you can get your hands on some good concealer, use it to hide scars and bruises. Abusers will try to isolate you even more if you are a walking display of evidence. Don’t give them any excuse to not let you go to school.
  • On this same note, avoid making drastic changes to your appearance (dramatic change to hair cut/dye, tattoos or piercings or wearing any makeup/accessory/clothing that might be deemed “different” for you) Your abuser may perceive this as you acting out or seeking attention, and they do not want you to receive any kind of attention as it may give you an outlet to expose what is happening at home.
  • Don’t write things in codes that are obviously codes. Your abuser will not like this if they find it and you will be punished or forced to reveal the code but most likely both. If you can, make a code that would look like something else if found by someone. For example: If hiding say, your email password so you won’t forget, make a list of things beginning with each letter of the password. Draw pictures of your passwords. (Ex. Draw 4 red dogs, your password is RedDog4.)
  • Evernote is a great way to hide a digital diary/notebook/photos/contacts that you can delete from your device quickly before a phone search. If you fear you wont have time to delete before a search there is an option to hide your private notebooks so that you can only find them by searching their name and load up some class notes so if your abuser asks about the app you can say it’s for school.
  • This is a bit expensive but if you can manage it use an external hardrive for anything on your computer your abuser wouldn’t approve of, from photos and videos to games to creative and programming software, etc.
  • I had a friend whose dad didn’t let her talk to boys at all period so if she ever had a group project and the boys would try to text her she assigned them all feminine names in her contact list (Ex Louis became Louise etc) so she could still save their number.
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21falloutpanicsattheblackparade

Thank you so much for this.

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anatrash17

This doesn’t really match my blog theme but it doesn’t matter. I have some things to add:

  • To walk completely silently, even barefoot, start on the outside of your foot and roll off your big toe. This takes practice though. Your bare feet will also be quieter if you have calluses on them, so you want to walk barefoot as much as possible.
  • One thing I did was getting well acquainted with the woods. If I needed to avoid people and couldn’t hide in my room, (the door doesn’t have a lock and the consequences would be SO BAD if I blocked it with something), I grab my bag, and try to avoid them + walk silently as I walked outside and hid deep in the woods where they couldn’t find me.
  • Never bring your phone (or any electronics) if you choose to escape to a friend’s house/the woods/etc. You don’t know what apps they hid on there, which could track your location.
  • When in the woods, I would bury my trash so if a family member decides to explore the woods one day/was actively trying to find where I kept hiding, they wouldn’t find traces.
  • About that bag I mentioned. I risked getting caught for this. I have it in my closet with the other bags so it wasn’t suspicious, but if I got the feeling they were suspicious about me, I hid all the stuff in the bag in different places temporarily. In the bag I keep a bottle of 90% isopropyl alcohol (disinfectant) that my aunt gave me as a joke, a small sewing kit (needle, string, scissors) that I stole the components of from my mom’s room, a knife that I also stole from my mom, and some granola bars.
  • You can hide things in boxes that appear to be sealed on your shelves. Choose a side, use the corner of your nail, or a small knife if you have one, to slit 3 edges of the plasic on the box on your chosen side. Carefully side the box open so as to not tear the plastic. If there is space, hide your item(s) in the space. If not, take some of the contents out and hide them elsewhere* until you can dispose of them where they won’t find them. Arrange the flap of plastic so it lines up properly (if box is cardboard or similar you can lick the edge of the plastic and place it down, it will stick moderately well and the fact it isn’t in tact will be less noticeable) and put box on shelf so that the cut side is against the back. (I have many time in the past taken a “sealed” box of playing cards and take the right amount of cards out so that after putting whatever I want in, it would weigh the same as a normal box of playing cards. This way if they pulled things off the self, unless they examined the playing card box carefully, it was unlikely that they would notice)
  • *if you have a coat/jacket with a liner, you can put holes in your pockets and stitch the liner to the jacket at the bottom so things you put in there will be at the bottom and it will seem like your pockets are empty. Don’t put anything bulky or potentially loud in, or your trick will be exposed immediately. Works great for papers though, and it’s one of the only ways to transport plastic wrappers without being loud. Not coins though.
  • Learn how to remove the screen from your window
  • Any social media or other restricted thing or anything they could use to stalk me if they found out I had it I use web for, my accounts are under different fake names with different email address I created with different fake names just for them, and my passwords are all long, secure, and MEMORIZED. And I delete my search history of any of those particular things.
  • I know how to give myself stitches. This has come in handy.
  • Leather = low grade armor. Wear it whenever you can. Then you can take a punch without it being quite so bad.
  • There’s a gate at the bottom of the stairs at my house that not only creaks, but the latch is LOUD. I climbed over the railing near the bottom instead, and then walked down the outsides of the last couple of steps.
  • How to climb over a railing silently: put hands on railing, swing one leg over so you’re sitting as if on a horse, and then carefully slide your already over leg down so it is touching the outside of the step and at the same time you swing your other leg over and carefully place that foot down.
  • If you close a door while holding the handle turned, like how you would if you were opening it, and use your other hand to guide it so it doesn’t hit the door frame, instead lining it up exactly where the latch needs to go, and then slowly rotate the handle back, it is near silent.
  • A fluffy sock jammed in the bottom handle-side corner of the door can keep the door from making noise as you walk around your room at night.
  • Hide things inside your pillows. Not just your pillow cases, but the pillows themselves. A lot of them have zippers where you can access the fluff, and you can hide things in the fluff. Stuffed animals sometimes have this too.
  • Semi-sheer, loose layers will be a lot less hellish and a lot less suspicious in warm weather but can still hide most older cuts/scars that are starting to become less garishly red.
  • If you close your eyes for 30 seconds before trying to navigate the dark your eyes will adjust and you will be able to see much better.

To anyone who needs any of the advice above or in similar posts: Good luck, stay safe, and remember that one day this will be over and you will be safe. I know it’s tough but keep going. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.

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cokezerotokes

I absolutely wept when I read this. I remember being a kid and living at home, having to do most of these things to keep myself safe and alive. I’m so sorry that their are so many of you who are going through this. If this is something you’re going through and you just want someone to talk to about it all my inbox is always open. From one survivor to another.

I am so, so sorry.

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ipaniceverywherenotjustthedisco

i know ive reblogged this countless times, but this has some really important additions, please stay safe guys <3

I know this is not ToG related, but, if this can help …

learn to sew,if you can do it well you can open up stuffed animals and fill them with whatever as long as it’s small and not likley to be notice

if you never turn a fan on you can tape ska stuff to the top of it, idk if it will hold if the fan turns on

if you have a trusted friend have them store stuff in their locker/get a lock and put it on an unused locker that way even if they know your locker they can’t get to your stuff

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sing-it-for-the-gays

for those who need it

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panpotterhead3000

I would hope no one needs to use this but I know there are people that do this for you guys

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justabsbutler

We got you

Seriously

We’re here for you

Everyone is

For everyone who needs this

Stay safe please

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kneecap-stealing-gay-rainbow

@openblogtomyabusivemother this seems up your alley

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nffblsprwhlckpncmcrpjhbbtltr42
  • Hoodies are your best friends. I’ve learned this from sports and stuff but if you need to stat warm? Hoodie. Don’t have a blanket? Hoodie. Need to cover cuts and bruises at school? Hoodie.
  • Denim may seem like a good option for guarding your skin, but it’s not. It hurts like hell because the material is rough (figured this out by tripping over pavement)
  • If your parents are out of the house, EAT. Take whatever you can without being noticed.
  • If you have pets that are allowed to walk around the house but you know they won’t make noice if they see you (your parents will probably think that the cat or dog is walking around) that’s your chance.
  • Incognito mode. Sure, it might be infuriating to have to log in to everything every time but it leaves no trace on your history and you can have a video that you’re allowed to watch playing on mute in the background to make sure there are no weird gaps.
  • Oats are healthy, easy to eat without making noise, and can be easily flavoured with two drops of honey or a pinch of cinnamon, just be careful when opening the packaging.
  • DO NOT TAKE MONEY SOON AFTER YOUR PARENTS PAY SOMEONE. This may seem good because the money is recently missing but they are sure to know exactly how much they paid and you’ll get in trouble
  • Peanut butter (or variations that you can consume), oats, and cheese will get you through a lot
  • If a thunderstorm happens, your parents probably won’t hear you walking around so that’s when you should take the louder food

I really hope that no one needs these but they’re here for if and when you do

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goswlogpncmcrfobpjstltruaqhtma42

Was just scrolling for silver’s old blog and I found this. Reblogging because I’m going to need this soon

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toasty-brain-juice
  • Money. I used to hide in washed, clean clothes. hung up or folded, both work. but if its change/coins, limit it to 1 per pocket. not the best, I know, but you don’t want it rattling. In the case of tight jeans/pants you can get away with 2-4. This especially helped with quarters, you can trade them out for dollars and use them at vending machines, or have a safe place outside of your house to hide the whole stash. Just make sure, always double check, you didnt leave any behind when it’s time to wash clothes. When found, you’ll have to explain why you have money, where you got it from, do you have more? You’re not getting it back. Always. Double. Check.
  • Journals are great, especially when you can’t talk to people bc they’ll tell someone- which would only land you in more trouble should any action be taken. But. Hiding them is a bit difficult. Common places where mine were found are in between your mattress + the spring board and inside pillow cases. Which is why I upgraded to boxes. Do you have storage boxes in your room? Full of random shit? In there, all the way on the bottom. When you’re going through them to get to it, and they walk in, “I’m cleaning/organizing”. Another one, in book covers, on a book shelf/with your other books. Hiding in sight. Honestly don’t really recommend it as it can be extremely anxiety inducing, you don’t know if they’ll notice. Which is why you change hiding spots. For everything.
  • Police show up and start asking you questions? Looks like someone ordered a Wellness Check. From what I remember, they won’t ask your parents to leave the room. It’s stressful. Your parent will put on that face, you know, when family visits, when their friends come over. They’re looking for physical abuse. Anything that shows them you’re unsafe. How often do you shower? Do you have friends? Do you like living here? What’s your favorite food?
  • Expect the worst. Prepare for it. Please don’t gain a sense of security, it will fall fast.
  • School lunches? Is there something packaged, wrapped, something you can save for later? Save it. For the middle of the night, or you can add it to the stash.
  • Thirsty? They’ll let you go to the bathroom? Sink water.
  • Figure out how far the cameras can see. While they watch over the tapes, note the boundaries, note where you find you go out of site. A stressful game of hide and seek. Don’t stay in hidden places too long.

Hi there! It's the start of a new year which means commission sheet update! They're staying open for the foreseeable future, so if you are interested in commissioning me, shoot me a message or email!

Image description under the cut.

Hi please reblog this version! I forgot to add the additional costs and had to correct a typo on the first image!

Things I’ve seen in Covid19 as an ICU nurse:

- a husband and wife admitted to icu, positive for covid after sending their two teenagers back to school when it opened. She coded and died yesterday. We wheeled her body into his room so he could say goodbye to his high school sweetheart from his hospital bed. We dont expect him to survive.

- 94 year old man, married to his wife for 64 years, both tested positive after a single visit to their dentist. It was the only “outing” they had since March. Because there are so few beds available, they were sent to separate hospitals. She stroked and died shortly after. He watched her funeral on FaceTime and never got to say goodbye.

- a 25 year old who flew home from another state because his mom was afraid and asked him too. He tested positive 3 days after his flight. He died 20 days later in our ICU.

- a father/son duo who run a manufacturing company, tested positive along with the majority of their employees. They both came to our ICU. Dad died. Son was able to leave the hospital 30 days later - he learned of his father’s death after leaving, for fear of impacting his recovery.

- A schoolteacher, working for special needs children, tested positive 1 week after her school mandated they reopen. She died 10 days later. Her last words before we intubated her were, “Im going to be your next survivor!” We told her she was right, but we all knew it wouldn’t happen.

- a 45 year old woman with a 6 and 8 year old at home. After 65 days, she never woke up due to hypoxic brain injury. She never made it off a ventilator.

- tiered nursing models, where ICU patients are being cared for primarily by nurses without ICU experience while one ICU rn gets placed as a “supervising” nurse over 5 ICU patients, and monitors the regular nurses care over them. Your loved ones not getting the appropriate level of care deserved because we have no staff left to care for them.

- patients who should be in ICU unable to come to the ICU because there are no beds available. Left on the regular floor in hospital with no additional supervision or coverage because there’s not enough staff to do so.

- patients that have been sent from out of state because their home areas have no room to take them. When these patients are close to end of life, their families are hard pressed to arrive in time to say goodbye.

- a unit opened as a tiered-staffing ICU where there is no negative pressure in patient rooms and no way to install them per maintenance. Nurses are going to be required to wear PAPR during their entire shifts without taking them off while working in that unit. So 12 hours without drinking water or eating unless you can leave the unit. Which it being tiered staffing - its not safe for the ICU rn to leave because there will only be 2 ICU nurses on the unit.

We are a long ways from having herd immunity with the coming vaccines. Please wear your masks. Dont go where you dont absolutely have to go. Wash your hands. This is not the time to go on new dates, have family gatherings or big game nights or get together. Please. You have called the nursing profession “the most trustworthy” for decades - and now when we beg you to listen, to wear a simple mask and social distance, you call us liars and the trauma we see these patients go through every day a conspiracy. Please. We are breaking.

Remember!

2020 may be over, but the pandemic isn’t