This video has permanently changed my vocabulary so I need you all to see it
Why is it being read in the voice of a guy who will hurriedly warn me about side effects at the end of a medication ad?
kill the shift manager in your brain
you are not wasting time you are vibing. you are not being unproductive you are literally chilling. make a grill cheese with cheddar cheese and slather a piece of the bread with some honey and maybe you'll relax
Innes Keeper's Formula For Fantastic Grilled Cheeses (for nearly no extra spoons!)
Are you hungry? Do you have a hankering for grilled cheese sandwiches like, way more than a normal person maybe? Great news! I am about to give you the secret knowledge I stole, like Prometheus himself, from the Akashic Records—to bring back to Prudencia! And I’m even doing it without a ten hour long lecture about how the Akashic Records makes me think of idfk, 9/11, and how that relates to sandwiches.
I will, however, briefly say this: You gotta trust me when I say cooking grilled cheeses via this formula WILL grant you Bloodborne Insight. There is no fucking reason that making a grilled cheese this fucking delicious should be this fucking easy. I feel like I’m cheating God every time I do it because it takes (nearly) no extra spoons. And here’s where I show you why.
Scientifically Proven Perfect Extremely Easy Grilled Cheese
INGREDIENTS — SEASONINGS -butter, i usually use 2 or 3 tablespoons per sandwich -garlic cloves, I use 3 usually -a source of heat, like red pepper flakes, or szechuan peppers -a source of spice OR a source of sweetness, such as dijon mustard or honey. slather that motherfucker on a slice of your bread. -a source of herbiness, such as oregano, thyme, sage, rosemary, etc in any combination that goes well together or on its own. if someone tries to tell you that you need it fresh, they’re fucking lying, the 2$ crushed powdered sage is fucking great. experiment with other spices such as ground turmeric if you're spicy
INGREDIENTS - THE METAPHORICAL MEAT OF THE SANDWICH -two slices of bread per sandwich. this is actually a massive influence on your sandwich taste and texture as a whole. a basic white or wheat will still be fucking delicious because like I said, I stole this from the Akashic Records cookbook section and found it under “fucking perfect grilled cheeses forever”. However, if you CAN—getting bread like brioche, texas toast, brown bread, rye, or sourdough will make a sandwich already being elevated super easily to “pay 23 dollars at a fancy restaurant” level of elevation.
-one to three types of cheese per sandwich. you can get away with one type but really try for two or three if you can swing it. this is also one of those massive influences over the sandwich—listen, i know, that’s obvious, but stay with me—what matters isn’t the SPECIES of cheese, it’s the TYPE of cheese. getting the deli at your local Safeway or Walmart or whatever and asking for the cheese they gotta cut (or just in general the fancier, better-quality cheeses) is literally the only major requirement that I ask of you. If you are on SNAP/EBT programs, me too, and I promise you: Please do this. Please trust me when I say do not get the cheap Kraft-type cheese because it’s less money. I know it’s a bit extra but it’s only a bit to get like 1/4 or 1/3lb and you have no idea how much I’m actually getting a little emotional about this, because the “rice with butter and beans or top ramen every single day” life is soulsucking and sickening and it is genuinely one of the greatest sources of suffering to human beings I can imagine, I’m serious. Following this formula will genuinely change your life/mental health just a bit because you know that you have one meal that is super delicious, super filling, pretty damn cheap when it comes to how much you get, and super easy to make on days where the idea of doing more than just 15 minutes MAX is gonna make you wanna die.
super sorry for that paragraph btw i just really cannot overstate how this is a lifechanger especially when youre poor/low spoons/depressed. delicious food makes me not be as depressed. this is that.
METHOD
- Take garlic cloves and crush them either with the meat of your palm or the flat of a knife or literally anything that would crush good. Take bread slices and put a source of spice or sweetness if you are using one. take a pan and put it on the stove on low-medium heat (aka a 2 out of 10).
- Place the butter in the pan, as well as the garlic cloves, the source of heat, and the source of herbiness. Congratulations you have now literally done ALL the extra effort that you need to make a grilled cheese like this. That’s it. No extra dishes. No fussing with amounts or chopping or whatever. That’s it.
- The butter will melt in the pan and soak up the delicious ingredients that you also put into the pan. Take each slice of bread and place it in the pan to butter it, OR just take one slice, place the cheese on it, and then put the other bread on. It’s really just a matter of extra effort.
- When the bread is in the pan, turn it up to medium heat (5 out of 10) and just sorta let it sit for a bit. When you can see the cheese start to get visibly melty—or when you vibecheck it—flip it once and just do the same thing.
- When you’ve grilled your cheese on both sides, take it out of the pan and put it on a plate (or just a paper towel to save on dish spoons. btw paper plates and plastic utensils are a fucking godsend if you hate dishes and/or can’t do them very easily/takes a lot of effort.)
That’s literally it. I really hope this helps.
outta my way gayboy im making this sandwich
oh. oh my god. holy fuck. what. how. why. this is delicious. i kinda burned my bread and my cheese didnt melt all the way but it's still the best thing ive ever tasted?????
oh my god. this is so fucking good. the butter melting and absorbing the spices and herbs already smelled amazing, but then i threw the bread on and it started smelling EVEN BETTER. then i took a bite. holy FUCK this is better than sex. i legitimately believe that Innes Keeper stole this shit from Prometheus, there's no other way to explain why this is so easy to make, yet so FUCKING good, other than cheating a god.
I didn't steal it from Prometheus he's my trophy husband!
ok me and my partner went back and made this. exact words upon eating were “we’ve cheated god” and “i feel like my world just got rocked” and then we were both energized to get back to drawing. proof:
please make innes keeper’s scientifically proven perfect extremely easy grilled cheese
I'M PUTTING THIS ON THE FRIDGE (WHERE I KEEP ALL MY CHEESE)
I've been on a White People Expedition Diary kick recently. I see why Lovecraft was fucking obsessed with this as a framing device, they are insanely compelling.
July 17th, 1884: "Food supplies are low. The Dutchman has eaten so many dog livers that he is now hallucinating from vitamin A poisoning, which is a thing that can happen apparently."
July 18: "We kicked that faggy Austrian botanist into a ravine. Lmao. Had a lovely bath."
July 19th 1884: "The Dutchman has been confined to the sled. We have sacrificed our belts to restrain his movements, lest we lose another Austrian to his Poop Madness."
July 20th 1884: "The men are demanding I leave behind my bathtub. I will not."
On this pride month, remember that Twin Peaks aired an episode in 1990 where it introduced Denise Bryson, an openly transgender woman in the DEA who is referred to by the characters with her pronouns, and her identity is respected and valued throughout the three episodes she was in, making her a fan favourite among fans and transgender women.
She returns in the third season, where her former boss Gordon Cole, told everyone who wasn't willing to support her for her identity, to fix their hearts or die. The phrase "fix your hearts or die" was eventually appropriated by the transgender community and became a common phrase used against transphobes.
Also remember that Laura Palmer and Dale Cooper, the main characters of the show, are bisexual, and have canonically related and felt seen in queer spaces (there's also a scrapped scene from Fire Walk With Me where Laura and Donna were going to kiss, and the infamous deleted scene where it seemed Cooper was going to kiss Harry after the Miss Twin Peaks show). And they're not the only ones who are bisexual! Ronette Pulaski, Theresa Banks and Bobby Briggs are also bisexual.
I have to mention that BOB was played by Frank Silva, a non-white gay man who sadly passed away due to AIDS complications in 1995. Frank had been involved in Lynch productions since Dune, and everybody honours and remembers Frank fondly, saying he was the sweetest man you could ever meet.
In conclusion, Twin Peaks is a queer show and it's important to acknowledge what Twin Peaks did for the community. Especially Denise Bryson and the quote "fix your hearts or die".
FIX YOUR HEARTS OR DIE!
The Blues Brothers (1980) // Dir. John Landis
Always reblog Jake and Elwood taking care of business.
This is akin all those hot takes about the 2k bug being an hoax:
"Remember when they told us every computer was going to crash on 1/1/01 and there would be chaos and then nothing happened?"
Yeah, I remember. And I'm sure every programmer and sysadmin that contributed the billion person/hour global effort to prevent it also remembers.
No one talks about acid rain anymore, either. And that's a very good thing.
oligopspispopd-deactivated20221
see also START and START II, which significantly reduced nuclear stockpiles
International cooperation is actually so effective that most people don’t even notice it happening, and then erroneously believe it can’t solve anything.
Fixing issues before they develop into actual disasters is such an underappreciated thing it hurts at all levels.
We don't talk about acid rain because there isn't any more acid rain because when acid rain started happening and we learned that the cause was mainly sulphur oxide and carbon monooxide from car exhausts, countries all over the world made it a law that car companies had to produce cars that produced less exhaust with better effectivenes (burning the fuel all the way to CO2 instead of the halfassed CO) and oil rafineries to remove the sulphur from the gasoline in the first place.
We don't talk about computers crashing because of the turn of the century, because thousands of programmers worked very hard to write updates and patches for Every Single Program humanity as a whole used back in 1999 and then somehow managed to failtest, distribute, and update every single device and system, be it an online or offline one before the midnight of the 1st january of 2000.
On a much smaller scale, no one ever commenta or notices cleaners and housekeepers doing their job - be it at home or at whole buildings - because they always make sure that there's nothing to notice. But don't be fooled - at any point of your life you are one week of them not doing away from swimming in trash and filth with nothing to eat and nothing clean to wear. Only then you would notice.
Now it's time to do that thing again and make sure that we don't kill our whole planetary ecosystem within the next century.
If you ever think america is a clean country, go without garbage men for a week.
This... Puts it in amazing terms.
Like $250,000 to me is a house. A whole ass house. Paid off, no mortgage.
And to a billionaire it's the equivalent of me buying a fancy iced coffee.
Damn.
every artist who has ever attempted to satirize masculinity i am so sorry
you could name a movie Portrait of a delusional abuser ruining his own life in pursuit of a fictional standard of manhood and 89% of its fanbase would still be like "Fuck yeah man it was so cool when Shit Cumdick gave that badass speech about how pushing everyone away and never letting yourself feel emotions is actually a good idea for your life. fuckin dope flick"
I dreamed that I was playing mariokart and there was a track that took 3 days to complete and when I somehow managed to get 1st place a popup came onscreen that had a pic of koopa troopa and text that read “congratulations!! you’re gonna have so much sex” and I started laughing so hard I woke up
