The Maiden of Madness

Daughter of the House of Scizzorhands

i may not be the prettiest or the smartest or the funniest but i sure am the sleepiest

Thinking about when I worked at a shitty restaurant + one night it was just me + 3 other women on closing shift, so some guy came in the back and waved a knife around, presumably for money but I’m not actually certain, bc he was met with the bartender holding a much bigger knife, a tiny teenager wielding a cast iron pan, an elderly woman holding up a crockpot of clearly boiling water, and me, turning on the meat slicer with eye contact for maximum effect. He left, but the moral of the story is not girl power or whatever, it’s just. Why the fuck would you threaten a room full of underpaid and sleep-deprived blue-collar workers surrounded by lethal weapons.

Even ignoring the quantity of workers or weaponry, I think there’s something special about specifically

not the

not the shar

not the sharpest kn

I love house md. it’s gay, its homophobic. it’s ableist, it has some of the best disability representation I’ve seen. medical malpractice and felonies are committed pretty much every episode, some of these aren’t even related to the case. for as bonkers as everything gets it never stops being a medical drama. it a fucking sherlock adaptation

World heritage tweet. To me.

spam emails are horrifying on an entirely different level once you actually begin to grapple with the material reality of ‘cyberspace’. how many servers were involved in dumping this message into my trash folder, where are they located, how much water goes into cooling them every day? where did the metals come from to build these facilities, who maintains them, how much labour and suffering and exploitation is required to bombard me with 50 messages a day i don’t even look at for products i will never buy? not just useless or a nuisance, but actively harming the earth & its people, and for what. zero social value, zero human communication, just capital trying to metastasise

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

FINE! I'll do it myself

Why did 12 people reblog this today??? IT IS ONLY AUGUST!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

since we’re on the subject of james acaster, this is hands down the funniest joke in repertoire and it gets me every single fuckin time and i can’t even explain why it’s so funny

This is EXACTLY how I feel about this joke!! Perhaps the greatest joke ever.

Animorphs is also better than Percy Jackson because in Percy Jackson the monsters don't bleed and they leave video game drops when they die whereas in Animorphs you find pieces of your enemies' flesh between your teeth when you get ready for bed at night and you have to floss until your gums bleed. This is me having fun when things are fucked up but it's also a sincere take. Violence carries no particular reward and you never stop paying its price. It is unhelpful to lie to children about this fact.

THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD (1951)

the entire staff at arby’s when i come back for the fifth time that day

Send me to Mars with party supplies before next august 5th

No guys you don’t understand.

The soil testing equipment on Curiosity makes a buzzing noise and the pitch of the noise changes depending on what part of an experiment Curiosity is performing, this is the way Curiosity sings to itself.

So some of the finest minds currently alive decided to take incredibly expensive important scientific equipment and mess with it until they worked out how to move in just the right way to sing Happy Birthday, then someone made a cake on Curiosity’s birthday and took it into Mission control so that a room full of brilliant scientists and engineers could throw a birthday party for a non-autonomous robot 225 million kilometres away and listen to it sing the first ever song sung on Mars*, which was Happy Birthday.

This isn’t a sad story, this a happy story about the ridiculousness of humans and the way we love things. We built a little robot and called it Curiosity and flung it into the star to go and explore places we can’t get to because it’s name is in our nature and then just because we could, we taught it how to sing.

That’s not sad, that’s awesome.

*this is different from the first song ever played on mars (Reach For The Stars by Will.I.Am) which happened the year before, singing is different from playing

This is humanity

Happy Birthday, Curiousity.

Happy birthday, Curiosity.