RESPECTING YOURSELF

I asked you guys to send me any problems you’re having that are relationship-related and almost every single person who messaged me had the same issue: None of you are demanding the respect you deserve!!! So many of you said you like somebody who doesn’t know you exist, or you like somebody who treats you like everyone else, or you like somebody who only talks to you when it’s “convenient”. My heart actually aches for all of you, because you guys all deserve SO much better. You all deserve to be treated like precious diamonds but you allow people to treat you like the gum under their shoe!!! I have compiled a list of URGENT things I need you all to know, here it is:

1. If someone doesn’t like you back, stop talking to them. I beg of you, please stop talking to them. If someone wants to talk to you, I promise THEY WILL.

2. Stop texting first if they never text you first!! Relationships (romantic & platonic) are supposed to be equal. It never should be one person starting every conversation while the recipient of these text messages just casually has the time of their life while stringing the other person along lol. Starting conversations is not bad, but you should NEVER find yourself putting in all the effort while they literally do nothing.

3. My brother taught me this one, and it’s kind of an evaluation process. If you really like someone, and put in tons of energy towards them, but you aren’t sure if they’re worth it, do this: - Think of said person’s good qualities, just off the top of your head. If you have one quality for every finger on your right hand, that just shows that this person is a regular human being because these first 5 qualities will probably be something along the lines of: funny, nice, good looking, smart, and has good taste in music (or something, idk). The reason these first 5 aren’t that important is because these are shallow things that just popped into your head; things you didn’t really have to think about. If you can’t even think of 5 good qualities, this person is a definite no-no, and as my brother says, “a means to an end, and the beginning of a heartbreak.” - Now, if they passed the right hand test, try your left hand. Try to think of actual character traits this time, rather than typical things like what you came up with for the first hand. If you don’t know if this person is loyal, trustworthy, supportive, etc. then you probably haven’t known them long enough to be this obsessed with them. - If they have five MORE qualities for every finger on your left hand (unless ur missing a finger or have an extra one or something, it’ll be 5 lol), then they are pretty good. Not the best, but this person is above average, and probably worth half the energy you put into them (rather than worth none of the energy you put in, like the person who has less than 5 good qualities lol)

The more good character traits you can think of, the better this person is for you. You may find after this test, that someone who you thought was so “special” is really just like everyone else. Just cause someone is “nice”, doesn’t mean that they’re worth putting all your energy into.

4. If you find yourself constantly coming up with different ways to get someone to like you, they are NOT worth your time. Similar to what I said before, if somebody likes you, you won’t have to change yourself or put in sooo muuuuuch effoooort into getting them to even talk to you. Stop hanging onto smiles, stop freaking out when someone says hi to you, stop chasing someone who doesn’t give you the time of day!! When I don’t really know someone but I find myself really liking them, I like to try to think of them as one of my acquaintances who I don’t have feelings for. Would I freak out and replay it 100 times if someone who I met once smiled at me? No!!! That is something EVERYONE does. Humans smile at each other, humans talk to each other, humans naturally like each other! I used to freak out if the guy who I liked (but didn’t know I existed) would even LOOK at me, but when i think about it, i realize how ridiculous that is!! If you have to practically force someone to like you, they are NOT worth it.

5. If someone likes somebody else, or is hesitating between you & somebody else, LET THEM GO. If someone has to choose between you & another person, you don’t want them to choose you! Let them choose someone else!! Clearly this person isn’t right for you, because if they were, they wouldn’t be thinking about anyone else! It’s time to move on. You deserve so much more than you realize. You deserve someone who will actually give you their time, someone who will let you know if they like you, someone who WONT ignore you or string you along! You do not deserve back & forth. You do not deserve confusion & pain. You do not deserve to want someone who doesn’t want you. You have to remember that there are SO many people in this world who would ACTUALLY give you what you deserve. Moving on sounds difficult, but if you constantly remind yourself why you’re moving on, it really isn’t that hard. Express yourself, embrace your personality, find who you are, don’t let another person slow you down or keep you from being you. Take the time in between liking people to really search for yourself and the self love that IS evident deep down. If you look hard enough, I promise you will find what you’re looking for, and I promise you will realize your worth. It changed my life when I realized that I deserve better. It made me stronger and it made me happier. Please open your mind up to the possibility of finding somebody else who actually treats you right, and I promise that your self esteem will thank you. It isn’t good for you to let someone ignore you, and treat you the wrong way. It just isn’t good. If you want to be happy with yourself, and happy in your relationships, the first step is demanding the respect you deserve by moving on from people who will never be able to give you what you need.

(via aufgeschlossen)

Haha throwback to rehearsing in our hotel room in Berlin, Germany

I just heard this idea and I thought I'd share it with you all:

If you struggle with depression, self harming or any mental disorder or issue which may cause you to hurt yourself, you should DEFINITELY keep two things in your purse/wallet: 1. A 5 step plan that lists how to calm yourself down or stop you from doing anything crazy to yourself. Think of 5 things to do that would help you in this situation. It could be journaling, listening to music, repeating a phrase (e.g “I am loved, I am valuable, I am strong, etc.”, calling a friend or talking to family member, going on a walk, whatever helps! 2. A list of emergency contacts (people who you trust and would want someone to call if you hurt yourself badly and needed professional help) and your phone passcode so if someone finds you or if you’re with someone, they know who to call.