Guys I’m crying omg I was drunk please stop reblogging this

They want it to stop…..we reblog...

#the realest post on the this website

you know how in percy jackson all the gods disguise themselves as humans to chill on earth? eric andre is dionysus

The Earnest Adventures of Spider-Dad

would u rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby??

whats a matter baby

nothing sweetie whats a matter with you??

I literally did not see that coming

me, starting a new game: i’m gonna be evil this time

me, 5 minutes into said game: Being Mean Is Not Nice

he understood me when no one else did

my politics summed up

choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you

Lean your head forward, preferably to knee level, and let the water kind of drain out of your mouth. When your are able to, take deep slow breaths. No heimlich maneuver or physical assists from somebody else should be used beyond this, otherwise you could vomit and escalate the issue. Its about keeping the larynx open. Hopefully this helps.

Reblog to fucking save a life.

middle schoolers complaining about how stressful school is

once i figure out how to hold a conversation, it’s friendship for you bitches

So becuase I’m living in an appartment building and have no yard into which I may release Charlie when his little doggy bladder fills up, I end up walking him at strange hours of the night in all manner of weather, becuase I love him.

So tonight it’s single-digits and snowing, and while we’re walking back, I see a big gray tabby curled up with it’s back to us on the porch of one of the houses that’s not yet occupied.  It doesn’t look up at us when we pass by, or when charlie doubles back and starts climbing the stairs to sniff it.

Understandably worried that someone’s pet is lose or that one of the ferals is goign to be a kitty popsicle, I hurry home, collect the cat carrier and go back to the porch to bring kitty in from the cold.  Since I will probably need both hands to carry it back and there’s enough ambient light, I don’t take a flashlight.

Kitty must be very asleep becuase it doesn’t look up when I put the crate down, or when I walk up to it, but the *second* I touch just one of its little kitty fluffs, It’s head pops up with the loudest, deepest “brrp?” cat start-up noise ever.

…and I realize by the large tufted ears and buff shoulder muscles that the thing I am attempting to pick up is not an unusually large tabby.  

It’s the fucking Bobcat.

Fortunately, instead of maiming me, like my idiot ass deserves, it lets out a demonic YEEEAAUGH and flings itself off the porch, fleeing into the night, and I sit there waiting for my heart to start beating again, presumably to tell it’s bobcat buddies all about it’s attempted alien abduction.

So how is everyone else’s night going?

mood: adam scott’s face at the exact moment that he realizes he’s about to meet mark hamill

additional mood: adam scott’s face immediately after seeing mark hamill

john mulaney is queer culture but bo burnham is “I’ve been depressed since I was extremely young and never properly learned how to cope with that so I choose to ignore that problem by making jokes under the guise of a coping mechanism isn’t that wild” culture and nestled in the middle is me

People without glasses are really out here seeing for free

once a lady told me that if my plants are dying even when I’m caring for them correctly, it means they’re absorbing the curses my enemies are casting upon me. so now when my plants randomly die, I wonder if they died protecting me.

whoa

Is this why witches live in the forest? Blanket curse immunity?

[desert witch sees 1 tumbleweed] holy sHIT

if you read this ur gay

if u rb this ur twice as gay