this tweet is making me choke to death

1. precisely 2. really really enjoying this phrasing

oh…

@allhailthe70shousewife

Look what just appeared on my Facebook feed

Ha!!!!😺

OH MY GOD

Lemme tell you how I scammed Columbia House Record Club out of hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars in the late 1970s. 

See, these ads up there were in every magazine. The idea was you’d clip out the ad and check off 13 popular records/tapes from the available list (and YES they were real albums from popular groups, not weird shitty music nobody had ever heard of) stuff your order in an envelope along with $1, mail it in, and BOOM: 4 to 6 weeks later a USPS box would arrive with your music! Thirteen albums! All yours, no strings attached.

Oh wait. One string. 

Well, a dozen strings. 

Because as part of the membership you agreed to buy 12 albums over the course of the next year at “regular club prices” plus shipping. And “regular club pricing” was full-on retail, plus 86 cents per album for shipping. So: $8.99 + .86 per purchase x 12 =  $118.20

Or about $500 bucks in 2022 dollars.

So every month you’d get the “club magazine” sent to your mailbox -- basically a catalog of albums you could buy -- and you’d either select an album a month for full price, or not find anything you wanted and put off the purchase until next month. Which... do that a few times and all of a sudden you’re looking at a backlog of unbought commitments that rack up fast.

Yeah. It was a bit of a trap.

But there was a stupidly easy way out, and it started with the initial “13 albums for $1″ deal. See, what you could do (but nobody ever said out loud) was this: select only ONE album, and start your membership that way. Send in your selected ONE album + $1 and in 4 to 6 weeks you’d get in the mail--

--a package containing your ONE album, plus 12 vouchers for one album each, for the albums you neglected to select. Literally 12 coupons entitling you to a free album.

Next step: you cancel your membership. Return the album (but not the vouchers) with a letter saying YOU SUCK THIS WAS A MISTAKE I HATE YOU I WANT OUT FUCK OFF

And since you returned the merchandise they’d release you from your membership and everything’s groovy. No harm, no foul.

Wait a week.

Then, you sign up AGAIN for the same “13 albums for $1″ deal. But this time you select 13 albums, and 4 to 6 weeks later you get your package with 13 records/tapes. Now you have one year to buy 12 albums for “full price”.

Which you satisfy by using the 12 vouchers you got from the FIRST membership. So 4 to 6 weeks after THAT you get a dozen MORE records, this time for free. And since you’ve completed your membership requirements you can quit at any time just by checking a box on a form. Which you do, because fuck Columbia House.

I did this at least four times between 1979 and 1981 and they never caught on.

My record/tape collection was massive and I think I paid maybe $5 total.

I was 16 at the time.  

How an Armadillo gathers foliage for its nest.

When I'm carrying all the bags of groceries inside in one trip.

there comes a point in some dudes ceramics careers where they start fucking with glazes so hard they spend their weekends hand digging rare minerals out of a desert deposit or a friend's multi-acre lot so they can grind them up and put them in a glaze. I know at least three guys that do this.

I also knew this guy derrick who was an absolute beast on the wheel (threw an entire 40pc porcelain serving set w/ cups bowls plates serving dishes and casserole dish in ONE HOUR) who also rented out a backhoe so he could dig clay out of his yard and refine it. Unfortunately it had too many inclusions in it so he had to dilute it with industrially made stuff. when he did that though he found that the clay in his yard, when fired, produced it's own glossy green glasslike ooze that vitrified during firing. he called it "self glazing clay", and went back that day to go dig up more. hope hes doing well. I imagine he's excavated his entire property by now

listen i know each actor brings their own spice to a role, but i just can’t take timothee chalamet’s wonka seriously 

where is the madness behind his eyes??? the malice??? the complete disregard for the laws of mankind and decency???

this man makes me fear that i’ll be shoved into a taffy machine at the slightest provocation 

as! he! should!

I’m not gonna let this gem of a tag on this post go unnoticed.

HELLO??

Whats not to get? Moron.

target audience

I plugged 3 consoles into one A/V port for maximum gaming.

Battle for dominance in the game dome

and then they all kiss and make oit

why do yuo hate me so much

you're all uninvited from the tumblrina make out/cuddle pile

i can't stop thinking about this pic.. it's the most romantic pic I've seen in a long time. pure perfection

I think it needs to become common knowledge that "inability to read social cues" can show up as overcompensating.

You don't know how much misbehaviour is allowed, so you become the perfect child who never tests rules.

You don't know if someone is irritated with you, so you'll be extra generous and self-effacing.

You don't know how much is expected of you at work so you'll kill yourself in a minimum-wage job and not notice that nobody else is working like this.

"Hardworking and quiet" should be as much of an autism red flag as "ignores rules and doesn't know when to stop talking". Or why don't we just start using words to communicate so i can stop tracking everybody's eyebrow twitches, that would be great.

cowards not reblogging this version

😭😭😭😭