If EXO went to Hogwarts
I had another itch I needed to scratch okay sue me
Do you write fanfics? And do you take requests?
I write a lot of personal, self-gratifying fics mostly to satisfy the goblin in my brain when I have certain ideas, so like, if you saw the EXO mafia moodboard, that's a fic I'm currently writing for myself so I can sleep at night. I could try to do requests definitely! I try not to write about real people though unless it's like AU af cause it feels weird otherwise, but I also watch a lot of anime and read a lot of books so I'm fairly familiar with most things! If you have something in mind, just hmu and I'll let you know! :)
EXO as Mafia
because the brain rot was so bad and the content so dry that I had to do it myself so...
Suho: The Kingpin Name: Kim Junmyeon
The Kim family has always had dealings in the criminal underground. When Junmyeon was passed over to inherit the Kim business in favor of his older brother, he decided to start his own crime syndicate, which overthrew his families overnight. Now, the sole survivor of his familyโs unfortunate โaccidentโ, thereโs nothing getting in his way, and heโll make sure it stays that way โ no matter the cost. EXO โ his valued inner circle who helped him to achieve this goal โ are his new family, and as long as they are loyal, he will do anything for them. While being โthe bossโ, those in his inner circle were more his equals than anything else; very rarely did he have to pull rank, and he preferred it that way. It almost ensured their loyalty to him and kept things running much more smoothly than his more โtraditionalโ upbringing.
Xiumin: The Underboss/Treasurer Name: Kim Minseok
Xiumin had been around for Suho longer than anyone else โ longer than either could really bother to recount. Their bond was one thicker than blood, and there was no doubts between them when it came to trust. Itโs for that reason he was named as the right-hand man, and he wasnโt one to take advantage of a position like that. As they grew in renown and wealth, he took up the position of managing the funds for the mafia as well โ meaning if you pissed him off, he'd make sure you were cut off until you learned your lesson. He has learned to get along with the other inner-circle members but isnโt as touchy feely or โfound-familyโ as Suho is. As long as they get the job done, and donโt cause him any headaches, heโs good.
Lay: The Ambassador Name: Zhang Yixing
Yixing was possibly the most valuable addition to the criminal organization. Being fluent in Chinese, Korean, and English, Lay slid into the position of being an Ambassador for the group โ spreading out their allies, and their wealth. Lay single handedly ran the Chinese operations for the group โ anything Suho wanted, he got done, and he got it done efficiently. It was a kind of security that other gangs (save for someโฆ) didnโt have, and it increased their influence on a scale that was unheard of. Lay finds the almost symbiotic relationship between the inner circle as being incredibly soothing. He spends most of his time in Korea, only traveling to China if he has to. He prefers the company of his group, to the loneliness of his penthouse in Beijing.
Baekhyun: The Assassin/Hitman Name: Byun Baekhyun
Baekhyun is an odd guy. In this line of work, most hitmen, or assassins carry themselves in a certain manner โ silent, or big & tough, or preferring to go unnoticedโฆ Baekhyun seemed to have missed whatever the memo was on that. His carefree, flippant, and often mischievous attitude really caught Suhoโs eyes when he was first introduced to the young man who had been quickly making a name for himself in the underground; using his own name at that โ something very rare, and almost naรฏve for an assassin. But it just impressed Suho even more, because it proved his skills. He was welcomed into EXO, and quickly into the inner circle, and heโs been the resident prankster of the group ever since.ย
Donโt let the puppy eyes fool you โ this man has seen more bloodshed than most of the population and caused the majority of it. His innocent act just helps him to better blend in with the crowd. The otherโs wonโt admit it, but the thought of being on his bad side has definitely cost them some sleep in the past.
Chen: The Frontman/Informant Name: Kim Jongdae
Kim Jongdae is a businessman โ end of discussion. He knows all the tricks of the trade โ how to best charm people, wrap them around his finger, and extort them for all they are. His silver tongue is a talent that Suho refused to pass up when he was assembling his team and met the young man. Because of his easily approachable nature, sharp wit, and impeccable communication skills, Chen was perfect for being the groups Frontman. Anyone that wants anything from EXO โ weapons, assassinations, drugs, loans, a business proposal โ no matter what, the first person youโre going to see is Chen. If he thinks your proposal is good, then heโll pass your name on. Being the Frontman, seeing as many people as he did, he also falls into the role of informant. Nothing gets by him, and heโs stopped a lot of trouble for the gang before it can happen. Chen, being a typical businessman, keeps his home and work life separate. He fulfills his duties for the group during business hours and wonโt be bothered when he is at home with his wife and kids. This arrangement is concrete, and Suho respects it, making everything work smoothly like a well-tuned clock.
Chanyeol: The Dealer/Weapons Expert Name: Park Chanyeol
Park Chanyeol was actually a recruit that Chen managed to sniff out. This boy was making a good name for himself as being able to get anything you needed, no questions asked. So, Suho took it upon himself to test this out, putting out a line for some rather rare, foreign weapons, and a very tight deadline. When Chanyeol delivered, he offered (insisted) the man work for him, and heโd make it worth his while. Seeing this as an opportunity to get some of the stress of working alone off his back, and increase his outreach, Chanyeol took the offer, and the rest is history.
Much like Baekhyun, Chanyeol is a laidback person, until heโs on a job. Dealing with Park Chanyeol is one of the most tense interactions youโll have in your whole life. Itโs not even that he loses the joking personality โ sure, sometimes he does, but, more than anything, itโs the rage that breaks over him in waves; promising unimaginable consequences if you cross him. Chanyeol can be ruthless, especially if he knows the person heโs dealing with has a chance of causing problems for him. Best to avoid doing deals with him โ because heโll collect what he thinks heโs due, no matter the circumstances.
D.O.: The Interrogator Name: Doh Kyungsoo
Kyungsoo is the ideal kind of man you would want for this line of work. Heโs silent, straight to the point, unmerciful, and would get a job done without getting side-tracked. His promising results in squeezing information out of his victims, by whatever means, was what made Suho decide to hire him once the Kim family went under โ which is where D.O. had learned to perfect his craft. Junmyeon knew that his father had a habit of undervaluing D.O.โs importance to the operations, and so, when he decided to form EXO, he approached the younger man (who was then a few years younger than him and still in his teens) with his proposal to join right away. And Suho would never forget his answer: โI deal in results. Show me yours first, and then come talk to me.โ When Suho successfully proved himself capable of overthrowing the Kim syndicate, D.O. joined without question, and had been a trusted member of the inner circle since.
Kai: The Driver/Bodyguard Name: Kim Jongin
Kai was a classic case of working his way through the ranks, eventually coming to land in the inner circle after many missions as a lower-tiered gang member. He actually was suggested to Junmyeon by Yixing, when a deal had gone south, leading to a police chase in which Kai had managed to impress the ambassador with his insanely precise evasion skills, losing the police all without getting a scratch on the car. It had been horrifying for Lay โ sitting in the passenger seat while this young bodyguard drove up onto sidewalks, whipped them into reverse going 90 miles an hour, and even driving under a semi, but it was also impressive as shit. Now, Kai was the designated driver for all their big jobs and acted as extra muscle when they knew that there was a chance a deal could go sour.ย Kai is one of the youngest members in the circle, so some of the older oneโs had some trouble at the beginning but have now warmed up to him. Each of them trust him with their life, and while they donโt really need a bodyguard (being part of an inner circle in the most feared mafia group in the world), having him by their side definitely makes them more at ease during dodgy jobs.ย
Sehun: The Hacker Name: Oh Sehun
The final of the 9, and the youngest. Oh Sehun made his name when he was very, very young as being a technical genius. Anything to do with a computer, he could figure out. He even hacked into a military system when he was in middle school and was put into several government sponsored summer-camps to help grow his intellect โ an oversight on the governments part. He is the only member of the 9 to actually seek EXO out first, and in a big way โ by contacting Suho directly, with a proposition. The police were starting to close in on him โ his youth having blocked his judgement a little and making him less careful than he should have been. He offered the mob boss, who at the time had been just starting to get his forces together, his technical expertise in exchange for safety in the ranks. Suho probably would have had him eliminated as a threat, however, with his proposition came a file, containing all the broken-down backroom movements of his family, which he had not had access to having not been the heir to the empire. Using this, he could break down the pillars of his families alliances, so, once he checked the authenticity of the information, Sehunโs offer was quickly accepted. Working with EXO, there isnโt anyone, or anything, that can be hidden from Oh Sehun with enough time. Security cameras, bank accounts, personal documents โ if Suho wants it, Sehun can get it. This makes him indispensable to the group and gives him the security to play as he likes in his free time.
EXO: Goodfellas
BLEACH ENDING 3 โข HลKIBOSHI (10TH DIV. VERSION) If I could become a comet, Iโm sure Iโll always stay close to you.
Okay, but THIS.
My therapist only recently understood that when I said,ย โI donโt know how to make this phone call or make this appointment.โ I very literally meant I didnโt know what to do. I can dial the phone, but what do I say EXACTLY? What questions are going to be asked? What do I need to have on hand? What if they ask me something I donโt know the answer to?
Iโm one of those people that needs very specific and detailed instructions if Iโm doing something for the first time.
Be patient with people. We all have our struggles. Sometimes it can make all the difference in the world knowing someone can spare a few minutes to care about you and walk you through something thatโs hard for you.
HOW TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT ADULT CALLย
FOR THE FIRST TIME
From an adult who has been doing this for about a decade now:ย
Remember that about 10% of any officeโs weekly call volume is from people just like youย who have never done this in their life.ย
The mass majority of people who run dentist offices, insurance claim call centers, whatever - remember what itโs like to be completely new, and are generally happy to explain the steps and re-phrase themselves if you let them know what youโre having trouble with, and are kind and patient with them.ย
Youโre not inconveniencing them. Youโre not burdening them. Call center folks are 1000x happier to speak with someone who is earnestly trying and needs some basic help on super simple things, instead of a pissy long-time customer who demands free shit.ย
You are a bright spot in their day. A chance to actually help.ย
So! Hereโs the steps:ย
I canโt tell you how much I needed this.
I had to ring my car insurance yesterday, which Iโve never had to do before. It was terrifying. BUT when I explained to the call center person, including calling myself a useless adult who canโt adult, and they were very kind. Itโs always worth sayingย โIโve never done this beforeโ because theyโre usually a kind human (apart from P.B in my office, who I wonโt name, but you get her on the phone and good lord, youโll want to throw yourself out a window. I think she wants you to throw yourself out the window too) who will assist you however they can.
Hereโs the Subway Reddit thread they were referencing.
This looks like if you gave some newborn god a vague description of a cat and then they tried to make one
AAAAAHHH SO CUTE!!!
For context: This guy is a ex cop who is there to expose the fact that police heavily manipulate these statistics to cover up the truth. He aint a bad person who is lying, he is a good person who is pointing out that the police is lying.
fireworksgate is fucking real yall i was walking by some residential street earlier today and a car driving by threw a bigass firecracker out their window at a house with three kids playing in the front yard and their mom. cops pulled up SUSPICIOUSLY fast (like literally 10 seconds later fast), rolled down their window, listened to the mom, basically saidย โwow that sucks, good luckโ, and drove off without getting out
i think cops nationwide are setting off random fireworks to keep people awake + on edge + accustomed to sudden explosions tbh. hereโs a pretty good article on it (specific to NYC)
this shit is 230% real, ive heard so many stories of it and weird shit with fireworks suddenly appearingย that I really can only see it as some kind of retaliation motivated psyop. pro pyrotechnics companies had allย these events cancelled because of COVID, are not asking many questions whenย they can get rid of everything and cut losses, and meanwhile you haveย the NYPD whose budget makes $20,000 of fireworks a night nothing at all in practical terms.
Theyโre setting up a โspecial task forceโ for these illegal firework demonstrations, yet people in these communities say theyโve seen the fireworks coming from right behind the police stations with no police doing anything about it, have taken videos of police literally driving around with their sirens on while the fireworks blast at 3am, and were told by kids that they were just given the fireworks, and now this? all of this is extremely sus and at the end of the day shows they have no actual regard for the communities they โserveโ
Weโve lived in the shadows for too long.
FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM ย (2016), dir. David Yates
๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ฎ๐จ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐๐๐ !








