You and I together are like every cliché, we go together like bread and butter, coffee and tea, cheese and wine. You and I are like the sweet smell that lingers from a great bakery on a stroll in town.

I yearn for romance, my heart bleeds to be romanced and feel loved like none other, to feel as though I am the only person your mind pictures. To feel as though when my name leaves your lips it follows with love and lust endlessly. And you've eaten that up like a warm croissant you desperately craved. You have understood in your own unique way how to cherish me and bring me the romance I so desire. Together you make me feel alive, to make me feel that life is all so exciting and new in a city I've known for decades.

Debt

Why does money always get the best of us? How come we always need so much money and never have any. Borrowing money is a sin and a trap, just gets us in trouble and then we owe more money to more people. How do people sleep at night with mattresses they don’t even own, how could you live with this feeling hanging over your head. How could u blame people for all this money you owed, i’ve given my share to help contribute. What have you done with what i’ve contributed? Where has it all gone? I’m suddenly getting blamed for all the shit i havent done i dont understand anymore. I can’t do this shit anymore. Constantly getting yelled at for reasons i don’t deserve. Slaving away, cooking and cleaning and doing everything I'm told like a little house elf. What is the life I’ve been living. Im not happy, im suffering big time. I can’t handle this shit anymore.Its always about money.. the root of all evil.. Money,money, money..

We marry our parents..

When i was younger I would refuse the idea my parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles would shove in my face that my future partner would be just like my parents and that as we grew old together we would become our parents. I couldn’t believe this, I hated my parents. Despise my biological father with every muscle in my body and cell that reproduced in me for the last 19 years of life. I couldn’t believe that my future love interest could be reflected into our parents and how we reflect our parents so profoundly. I took pride in not being like my parents, and felt solace in the idea that i only adapted the better qualities from my parents to now grow into the bright young woman I am. But now after being in love with the same man for almost two years, celebrating a second turn around the sun I've realized, my parents were right. And god I never wanted to admit this or say these things out loud but its true. I know the way I am and i am similar to that of my mother, as he is his mother. After so many dinners around his house, so many glasses of wine to hear his mother speak so proudly of her childhood, to bicker about her work life and all the wrongs the world have done her, I now sit here, on the other side of my phone listening to you ramble on about the same things your mother had over a merlot. Surely I knew, his parents brought him up, surely they are of influence but by golly, I refused to believe id be marrying his parents, that he’d be marrying mine. And daily, I try to conquer my challenge of fraying from my parents nonsensical banter, lack of logic and irrational decision making skills, promising myself that i will never be like that for my future children, god willing I have my own. My greatest fear, haunting my waking life of turning into my parents and reliving the wrongs they put me through, their stupid choices I’ve known better not to make since i was but a child. I’d hate to think of my husband to be the same as my mother in law because he started off so much more charming, loveable, caring. Seeing all the chaos and anguish she causes in her home scares me for what will happen in our home, if we do end up in that case. Will we be able to change from this routine life our parents set for us? Will our morals grow and will we be able to give each other the lives we promised? I refuse to live in my parents shadows, to follow the same path generation before me had, to beat my children and restrict them from seeing their friends and enjoying their youth like I have. I am not my parents, they don’t define me.