so like okay,
I don’t know why I’ve been obsessively thinking about the concept of “gaydar”
but I have.
Actually no it’s because a straight family member used the term like
“oh I have really great gaydar”
and it made me feel really gross
and it took me like a full hour to realize why.
When heterosexual people say that,
it feels like they’re bragging about their ability to clock us, you know?
like a straight person is telling me that they can spot us queers at 50 paces
and i’m immediately going to be uncomfortable with that,
whereas when other queer folks talk about being able to spot each other
it’s a tool for survival.
Like here’s the thing right?
being able to tell is important sometimes.
Here’s an example:
A couple summers ago I was in a very very small town in Nova Scotia, Canada
(like 6 buildings small)
and I met a woman in the library who was probably a little older than my actual mother.
She was there most days using the wifi
because she lived across the street in an apartment without internet.
We sat at the same table a few times and spoke briefly about life in passing
and after a few of these not-talking-about-gay-stuff convos I was pretty sure she was a part of the lgbtq community
and I slipped in a casual pronoun re: an ex
and she just looked at me,
stopped completely
and said “oh thank fuck, I thought so.”
and instantly started talking about her girlfriend,
it was like this huge wave of relief washed over both of us
because we were in a small rural town and both hovering in this really queer space and unable to talk about it.
Anyway she was really rad and took me to the closest big town to buy me a tim hortons coffee
because she found it reprehensible that I had been in canada for more than 3 weeks already and hadn’t ever had it.
Almost instantly it was like
“oh okay we have this thing in common that other people may not be cool with
but we can actually exist and not hide shit without the fear of violence or anger”
but when it’s a straight person
they’re pretty much just letting you know that they can spot the fact that you seem “abnormal” to them
like great
thanks for letting me know.
[spaces added for accessibility]
We’re identifying brethren while they’re identifying outsiders. It’s that simple.
[Bucky tries to access the Quinjet]
Bucky: Barnes.
Computer: Access denied.
Bucky: Bucky Barnes.
Computer: Access denied.
Bucky: Winter Soldier.
Computer: Access denied.
Bucky: [groans] Winter is Coming.
Computer: Welcome, Manchuarian Candidate.
Captain Marvel: So then he was all ‘I told you- you’re never going to be able to control yourself until you can put me on the floor without using your powers’-
Captain America: So you turned them off and kicked his ass anyway?
Captain Marvel: No lol what the fuck I’m not a dumbass, I just shot him. Who the fuck would listen to a villain trying to do his best to win a fight?
Captain America, sweating, remembering the fight with Batroc in which he stowed away his shield and dropped his helmet bc Batroc Asked Him To: Hah lol ikr….. who’d do that…idiots…
Anonymous asked:
“You probably don’t remember but you saved me from some bullies once in middle school and god damn it every year you just get hotter” au This so them lol!
It’s… a little confusing when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers follows Bucky on Instagram. At first, Bucky’s like… did I follow him first? Is he one of those dudes who follows everyone who follows them? But neither of those things are true.
Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers just… randomly follows him on Instagram. And likes his stuff. And sometimes leaves comments. And always watches his stories.
Weird.
“Look at this comment,” Bucky says, holding his phone out to Sam one evening while they’re getting drinks.
“Haha looks like fun,” Sam reads aloud, then frowns. “And this is his actual, verified account?”
“Click it!” Sam does. He frowns harder. “Why is this happening to me?” Bucky asks.
“Man, I do not know but have you seen his Calvin Klein ads?”
Bucky has seen them. Bucky doesn’t know why the man is Insta-stalking him, though.
— —
It’s a few weeks later when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers slides into Bucky’s DMs.
Hi Bucky! Loved the photos of your dog at the beach. He’s so cute. Wish I could have a dog but I wouldn’t be able to take care of one. Hope you have a nice day! :o)
Bucky has no earthly idea how to respond to that.
Haha thanks. You too.
It’s… enough, he thinks. Probably enough.
— —
“What the hell is going on?” Bucky asks, taking his phone from his pocket. It’s been buzzing constantly throughout his last meeting and he doesn’t know why.
Turns out, he’s suddenly got about… two hundred more Instagram followers. Which means that he now has about three hundred Instagram followers.
“What the fuck?” he mutters, opening up the app and seeing that fucking Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers has tagged him in a story.
He watches it, slightly irritated. “Checking out my old haunts,” he says to the camera. He’s on a playground that’s… mildly familiar. “Got beat up here,” he says, gesturing to a bench. “And here.” He points to a swing set. “And my childhood hero Bucky Barnes saved me from getting another broken nose over by that tree. Thanks Bucky!”
Bucky blinks once. Twice. He watches the video over again.
He thinks that the playground is his elementary school playground. Which means Steve Rogers would be…
Holy shit.
Little Stevie Rogers? The asthmatic one a year below him who got the snot kicked outta him all the time? That’s Oscar-winning beefcake Steve Rogers?
Fuck.
He doesn’t know how to respond to all of this, so he just deletes Instagram off of his phone for a few days until things die down.
He doesn’t send anything to Steve, specifically. He doesn’t know what to say. Just because he pushed a few bullies away twenty years ago doesn’t mean that Steve needs to do… whatever it is that he’s doing. It’s all a bit weird and Bucky is just going to… ignore it until it all goes away. Because that always works.
— —
Except it doesn’t work.
— —
Bucky’s watching some late night show with Sam while they wait for their Friday night delivery when Oscar-winning actor Steve Rogers is welcomed to the stage.
“Oh it’s your boy!” Sam says, laughing.
Bucky just rolls his eyes but… he starts paying closer attention.
They talk about some new movie of Steve’s that’s coming out and a few other things. Then the host asks Steve, “So, there’s been a lot of speculation about your love life recently.”
“Has there?” Steve asks playfully.
Host nods. “So, can you tell us who you’re dating?”
Steve just laughs. “No one,” he says. “I’m being honest, I swear. In fact, I’m so desperate that I tried reconnecting with my childhood crush on Instagram and got ghosted. That’s how single I am.”
“Ouch,” the host says.
“Woof,” Bucky says. “That’s gotta hurt.”
Sam looks at Bucky, then at the screen, then Bucky again. “You realize he’s talking about you, right?”
Bucky blinks. “What?”
“You’re hopeless. Please go answer this man’s DMs and at least let him down easy. Remember when he helped Betty White get on stage at the People’s Choice Awards? Have some class, Bucky.”
Rolling his eyes, Bucky takes out his phone and downloads Instagram instead. Turns out, he’s got a few messages from Steve, sent over the span of about a week.
Hey, sorry that you’ve got a few more folks following you now. I didn’t really think about what would happen if I tagged you in that story. I just thought it would be fun to tag you in it since that’s where we met.
I realize now that I never really explained why I’m following you. We were never really friends and you probably don’t remember me, but you saved me from a few bullies back in the day. I was just excited when a friend showed me your account. Actually had a big crush on you back in the day, too. Maybe I still kind of do now.
Sorry, that message looks even more stupid the longer I stare at it.
Again, sorry about all of this!
Oh. Fuck.
He can’t help it — he responds.
Sorry about ghosting you. Ended up deleting the app for a while (even if that sounds like a line). Next time you’re in New York let’s get a drink and catch up.
An hour later he has a notification.
Didn’t think you watch late shows.
I don’t, usually.
You know that they film in New York, right?
Bucky… did not. But it was probably too late to go back on his word, so he doubles down.
Huh. Let’s get a drink, then?
Yes, let’s. :o)
— —
The next time Bucky shows up on Steve’s Instagram, it’s a post announcing their relationship. Bucky has his own account set to private beforehand, just so he doesn’t have to deal with the notifications.
So here’s the thing about that final fight scene between Yon-Ragg and Carol. It was quick and some have called it anti-climatic. Personally I think that men aren’t seeing the thing that most women noticed right away. What I saw was an egotistical man trying to salvage what was left of his masculinity, he tried to control the situation and placed conditions on the fight to prove to himself that he can’t be beaten by a woman of all things. But Carol in that moment had an epiphany, she had no obligation to obey this man, her saying that she had nothing to prove to him is the equivalent of saying “You are not worth my time or energy because I know who I am, and I don’t need you to give me your stamp approval.” Because we know that he would never have given it. He would have kept controlling the situation and taking away her abilities until they reach a point where he has the upper hand. This is something that women face in real life, and that’s exactly what we saw in that scene. This is why that scene was more powerful than some could ever realize.
I went to see Captain Marvel with my mom and she and I were the only women in the theatre????
S/O those nerd ass losers that said Captain Marvel would tank bc men wouldn’t see it
My theatre included: a tiny twenty something man in a Spider-man hoodie, seeing the movie by himself
An older gentleman in a hat and suit jacket, also seeing the movie by himself
and a gigantic group of bros that might have been having a bachelor party???
DO YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABOUT A THING SO MUCH YOU’RE GONNA EXPLODE BUT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT THE THING SO YOU CAN’T AND JUST WOW! LET! ME! TALK! ABOUT! THE! THING!
Okay, hot take? Bisexual and pansexual are functionally synonyms, and the decision to ID as one or the other comes down to personal preference and interpretation, and any attempt to further separate the two is driving a wedge between two communities that should have nothing but love and solidarity for one another.
We have more in common than not, and the words for our respective identities should not be pitted against each other.
Yeah with overlapping identities like this I just go for whichever one I like the pride flag the most.
That’s so valid.
love-geofffree
There is a distinction between pansexual and bisexual but it is a very fine line, so fine that people who fit the definition for pansexual better may ID as bisexual instead for a variety of personal reasons and vice versa. But there is a distinction and acting like they are perfect synonyms can be quite invalidating.
Bisexual - attraction to multiple genders where gender is a factor within the attraction, and can include a preference for one gender over another, or attraction that feels different when it’s directed at a specific gender.
Pansexual- attraction to people regardless of gender. Gender is not a factor, you’d expect a blanket sensation of attraction regardless of which gender it is attracted to, and no sense of intuitive gender preference (though perhaps a logical one).
Notice that neither of these definitions actually exclude transgender or non-binary people and arguing otherwise is biphobic and transphobic. But there is still a distinction - practically, the issues they face and the relationships they will end up in are the same, but emotionally and subjectively they feel different.
Me reading the first post: I totally agree 100% quit telling me that calling myself bisexual means I’m transphobic
Me reading post four: OH I never heard that distinction before. Being attracted to masculine ppl DOES feel different to me than being attracted to feminine ppl. It never occurred to me that pansexual people experienced attraction different from me in that way. Today I have learned something.
all my love, thought and prayers to those in sri lanka.
stanthor
where are the billionaires now??? three churches were bombed during easter services. where is the outrage and mourning, and signs of support?? 207 people are dead. 207.
stanthor
the death toll is now at 290, with 500 people injured. the gofundme has less than $20k. white people care about brown tragedies challenge.
Controversial opinion: only exclusively same-sex attracted people or bisexuals who personally had someone use the q-slur against them should be allowed to reclaim it. That’s it. No one else.
If you have not been called by the q-slur or if you are not exclusively same-sex attracted you should not have any rights to reclaim it. It’s really that simple because, disclaimer alert, you can not reclaim a slur that was never used against you in the first place.
Why can gay people use it no matter what, but bisexual people can only use it if its personally been used against them?
Who would police that? How would you even prove it?
How about anyone who might be considered queer by those who use it as a slur can reclaim it. In the real world people don’t ask if you are exclusively same sex attracted before calling you queer.
Also trans people??? Do they not exist OP??? Straight trans people can still use queer.
OP this might actually be the worst fucking take I’ve seen in my entire queer life
mystic-ryn
the reason its “controversial” is that its fucking bullshit, op PLEASE check urself before posting the coldest takes of the century
discourse-of-diamonds
This take was so cold, it plunged Earth into the next ice age.
What are you gonna do anyway?? Personally interrogate anyone who uses the word? Require they pass a test first?
Mr. Freeze couldn’t make a take this cold.
I got the fiddles in the back 🎻💪🏾
softblackboy
YO THIS BLEW UP ON TWITTER
softblackboy
AND LIL NAS X RETWEETED ME!