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lurking/23yo

@lurking00

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I went to the local aviary today and they had some really mean things to say about owls.

I can confirm that most birds have a detectable amount of wiring behind the eyes - blinking lights and buttons and sliders and frizzy things that spark and chirp and beep. They also have a lot of soul that can communicate with ours because the programming is fairly compatible. Vultures are clever and curious, swans are clear and lawful, chickens have a lot of personality, caged parrots are dissociated and disinherited and frankly worrying, falconry-trained birds of prey are tremendously businesslike.

And owls are absolutely lovely beasts with their own irreplaceable validity. but they are basically stuffed with polyester fiberfill. They have one button, like a child's toy dinosaur that opens and closes its mouth when you press the back of its head. And it isn't even a sophisticated electronic button it's just a lever that rocks back and forth to make the claws open and close. I think they may have actually evolved independently from sponges. Their skulls simply exist to create holes that funnel sound and light, and as a place to hang a giant hinged beak. An owl is just an empty tube like a windchime that the wind whistles through, and you can drop meat down it. They use the meat to generate feathers, and then emit the bones in pressed little packages like those machines that flatten a penny and stamp it with the logo of a theme park. I think that's the gist of it - most birds are electronics of varying levels of sophistication, but owls are just a system of levers and pulleys. No elevator music in those skulls, just the wind echoing through empty caverns of slightly irritating design. Absolutely fantastic.

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rudywiser

Are owls smart? Lord no.

Are owls efficient? So much so, that they don't need to be smart.

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young me especially would have hated hearing this but networking is literally the most important thing you can do to improve your situation like forget economic barriers to education etc just keep making friends with different people and eventually someone will offer you a hand up just because they dig your vibe and that is exactly all that's happening when undeserving people surpass you anyway

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neil-gaiman

When I look at how I survived my 20s, it was always helpful friends putting work my way. And often the helpful friends were people I had only known for weeks.

I think we do young folks a huge disservice in how we teach them to network. Happy hours and cold messages on linkedin are useless to you when you’re just starting out- they’re not going to make anyone like you! No one is going to want to hire you or help you out based on a 10 minute conversation and a business card. It’s awkward and a super unbalanced transaction.

But having and making genuine friends (however you feel most comfortable doing so!) is how you’re *supposed* to network. Even if your friends aren’t powerful or in the sector you want to work- they are the people who want to help you! No groveling email required!

When I was working as a barista, I had a handful of regulars I spoke to every day and looked forward to seeing. We only knew each other through 5 minute conversations, but we knew each other and liked each other. Of these regulars:

- I told one older lady that I hadn’t been able to bring my winter clothes when I moved, and she gave me a coat and gloves she was planning to donate.

-I told one gentleman I was planning to take the foreign service exam, and he (having taken it a decade prior) gave me his old study books and gave me tips on the interview.

-I told a girl who I spent over an hour talking to on a slow day that I was looking for a job, and she RECOMMENDED ME for a job at her company and I got HIRED.

I didn’t give any of these people anything other than my time (and the occaisional end-of-day stale pastry) and they changed my life entirely.

I didn’t have to prove to them that I was smart or hardworking or friendly or anything at all. They knew me and liked me- and that was enough.

Make friends! Help them as much as you can! There are very little downsides to meeting new and lovely people.

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jihaad

“if you’re worried that you’re a bad person, don’t be! bad people don’t worry that they’re bad” <- seeing this a lot lately and i find it so goofy lol. it’s always a waste of time to categorize anyone as an essentially good/bad person but also like. you can be a “good” person who agonizes over their choices and still end up making choices that are careless or cowardly or even deliberately harmful. the act of worrying doesn’t absolve you of shit bro

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astralcities

imo it is one more thing in a long line of this site setting people with anxiety up for failure. there's an obsession with treating the symptom rather than the cause and just making blatant sweeping statements to assuage fears. "don't worry the cashier isn't judging you they have better things to do!!! don't feel anxious!!!" instead of "a cashier might judge you and you shouldn't care because a stranger's opinion on your groceries should not impact your self-esteem". pack it up class i'm assigning you all introspection on patching together your own fragile nerves instead of relying on the quick bandaids of ignorance and absolution

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isomorbism

u ever see someone with extremely fucked up views (or actions) and think wowww if a couple of things in my life went the tiniest bit differently that would have been me

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max1461

I think most people would benefit from reflecting on how this might be true for them

Sometimes people bitch about media, both fiction and nonfiction, that they think "humanizes" bad people, especially bigots fascists Nazis et cetera. And I'm just like. Hey. Hey. The problem is. They ARE human. HUMANS did that. Your next door neighbor could do that. Your grandma could do that. You could do that.

"No I'm a good person" why? Because you've gotten lucky and not seen propaganda yet that perfectly hit your buttons? Because you had people to correct you when you fucked up? Idk man I don't think we're all so different from the bad people. We're all just people.

Reminding ourselves of our shared humanity with terrible people does NOT serve to justify their actions. It serves to remind us that the seeds of what happened to them could get into us as well, or might already have. It reminds us to be vigilant and interrogate the hatred inside us.

If you convince yourself that you're just an Inherently Good Person who would never believe hateful things well. Now any little hateful thing that makes its way inside you undetected is never going to be interrogated. It will be left to grow undisturbed.

If you remember that those things can get into anyone, you know to look out for them, and weed them out when they appear, and take the criticism when others point them out in you. So remember, that could have been you. If you forget, maybe it will be.

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first base is violent incest roleplay, second base is crying in each other's arms, third base is being afraid to admit we're in love with each other

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i love when the “it is my god given right to remain miserable and take things personally. fuck you for making a post about the importance of drinking water. a bottle of dasani tried to kill me in the fourth grade” crowd and the “you guys are so stupid. you can actually cure every disease on earth with diet and exercise. no i’m not ‘lucky’ to be in ‘good health,’ i just take care of myself :) i have a superiority complex about this by the way” crowd start arguing. it’s a real unstoppable force v. immovable object situation

u will literally see a post like “walnuts are good for you :)” and think “okay,” but the replies will be bloated with nonsense because some guy who is allergic to walnuts is arguing with another guy who is smugly convinced that walnuts can cure arthritis

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st-hirudinea

I am an ouroboros

~ A poem about mental illness, healing and snakes

Inspired by the works of @headspace-hotel and @tamiscolaris

~

I'm not really sure the point I'm trying to make in this; it's more an exploration of my own mental health, how I view it, and, in turn, how I view myself

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lakewinnipeg

something went so extremely wrong somewhere that many many cis women & some cafab nonbinary types fully into their 20s are walking around pathologically afraid of men bc their first thought is that theyre going to sexually assault them or something of that sort

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thoradvice

things you can do at any stage in life:

  • love yourself
  • have a fresh start
  • go back to school
  • recover
  • make new friends
  • fall in love
  • go to therapy
  • learn a skill
  • discover your passion
  • repair relationships
  • change the world
  • find a new hobby
  • be happy

it isn’t too late for you. you’ll be okay. there’s no time limit on happiness.

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girl im bored lets browse academic articles

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markscherz

Hot tip: if you want to see scientists being snarky and sardonic, type ‘Reply to’ into google scholar and make yourself some popcorn. You can add your field of interest to the search or narrow down the timeframe to make it more specific or recent.

holy smokes. dr scherz it’s an honor

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arceusbeta

like idk theres something rly sad to me about "i could make this" as a derogatory statement abt art. like, that's really the state of it, huh, where the average person imagines themselves so disconnected from art and creation that a comparison between an artist and them automatically brings the artist down. people can make art. you can make art.

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another volunteer at the cat shelter was telling me that the trick to socializing feral kittens is not to look at them because "if you don't show them your eyes they don't feel threatened" and i couldn't help but think of angels interacting with humans in the same way

angel, holding a squirming human in one bleeding, ichor soaked hand: your divine creation fucking bit me

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people who are non-confrontational to the point where you can’t address any issue with them because they will immediately ignore the actual conversation and just “give up” in the name of appeasement so nothing actually gets fixed are the actual bane of my existence. yes, there’s so many reasons why someone’s go-to response is automatic appeasement without discussion but as an adult you have a responsibility to be able to communicate and problem solve effectively in your relationships, it can’t always be on the other person to ignore issues for the sake of not putting you through anything that vaguely resembles a confrontation.

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I think people get mixed up a lot about what is fun and what is rewarding. These are two very different kinds of pleasure. You need to be able to tell them apart because if you don't have a balanced diet of both then it will fuck you up, and I mean that in a "known cause of persistent clinical depression" kind of way.

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When people say they enjoy things, they usually mean one of two things. The first is that these things are fun; that is, they satisfy immediate emotional needs or desires for pleasure. Candy Crush is fun, for people who are into that sort of thing; waterslides are fun, watching TV is fun. Fun, in the way I'm defining it for this post, is the party food of pleasure; immediately and usually temporarily satisfying, and after that, mostly satisfying only as a happy memory (although some of these activities, like watching a TV show, can generate further opportunities for pleasure down the line like daydreaming, discussion, and making fanart). Like party food, this kind of fun is a good thing to have, and someone who doesn't get enough of it is at high risk of stress-related health concerns. Also burnout. A lack of fun is a major contributor to burnout.

The second kind of pleasure that most people talk about is rewarding activity. The lack of rewarding activity in one's life is a major contributor to depression. It creates a sense of purposelessness and worthlessness and generates a low attention span, sapping the ability to feel long-term motivation or pleasure. People usually try to pick themselves up with the first kind of fun, which is a band-aid but not a very sticky one; the lack of rewarding activity grows and festers over time. Rewarding pleasure involves working on something long-term that feels worthwhile. There are usually also spots of fun (or you wouldn't have gotten into the activity enough for it to become rewarding), but there also tends to be long slogs that aren't that fun. Nevertheless, when people report on doing said activity, they will speak about it with great enjoyment and remember it being enjoyable and claim they like it. (I like being a writer. Writing can sometimes be boring as shit.) (Look into Csíkszentmihályi's work on experience sampling and flow states for more info on this, it is FASCINATING.)

In Reality is Broken, Jane McGonigal sums up what she thinks are the most important contributing factors to rewarding activity. These are not the only factors, but I agree that they're a good baseline of the critical ones. I'm going to paraphrase them using different language. The four big contributors are:

Satisfying work. This is the vaguest one because different people find different things satisfying. Basically, the task itself should feel productive, and you should not feel bad about doing it to the point where it causes you distress. Satisfying work involves clear goals with actionable steps and a clear product, preferably something that you can see, touch or use. A clean house, a new high score, a freshly built table, a happy child.

Mastery. Rewarding pleasure is often something that you can get better at. There are things to learn, practice, improve. Improving your ability to solve tricky code problems, getting better at painting landscapes, figuring out fun new strategies in Magic: The Gathering, being able to build computers better or faster or cheaper. Mastery does not require becoming the best at something (although some people enjoy that specifically also), merely seeing progress in yourself and being able to take pride int he fact that you are better than you were.

Social connection. Rewarding pleasure often involves social or community connection. A long-term social group that discusses fan theories of their favourite show. Your weekly tabletop rpg. Teaching a room full of kids who to make leather belts. Working at a small bookshop and making small talk with all the tourists. Some people find social activity to be fun in the 'immediate pleasure' kind of way, some don't, but it is a critical factor in mental health and in the long-term... rewardingness (?)... of a hobby. Animals can also partially fill this niche, but be warned, they are far, far less effective than people. Your cat might be able to stop you from committing suicide today. You cat alone will not make your life satisfying.

Contribution. Humans are community animals and have a need to be something larger than ourselves or, more specifically to be of service to something larger than ourselves. Looking after kids, cooking big meals for others, creating art or physical products for others. Teaching the next generation how to read. Serving your God. Saving a species of small fish from extinction. Volunteering at your local charity shop or soup kitchen. Being a member of a crowd to reach the Guinness World Record for "most people fit into a storage crate". Making useful tutorial videos, being an entertainer, joining your local queer support group or political organisation. Humans fucking love to be part of something bigger than their own brain and they fucking love to help people.

The world is full of rewarding activities, and not all of them rate high in all four categories. The woman working in the charity shop warehouse and chatting with her coworkers isn't necessarily all that interested in mastery of her job (although I've worked in these places and some people do take pride in learning to be as efficient as possible), the musical hermit training to become the best violinist in the world might not be all that interested in social connection or how the audience actually feels about him. You might have noticed that I've listed hobbies, jobs, and non-employed but important life work (volunteering and childrearing) as possible rewarding activities; you can find rewarding activities everywhere. (In fact the lack of rewarding pleasure in our work lives is a very serious problem that companies keep trying to condescendingly band-aid over. The late David Graeber had a lot to say about this and I highly recommend his work, particularly Bullshit Jobs, which is a book specifically discussing the lack of above points 1 and 4 (satisfying work and sense of contribution) in so many modern workplaces and its distressing psychological ramifications). Rewarding activities are not 'fun' all the time; in fact, Csíkszentmihályi's work found that many of them are quite unfun most of the time. They do, however, create long term pleasure, and are emotionally and psychologically critical.

One final point: research shows that computer stuff counts less. This isn't a 'hurr durr edison was a witch get off your damn computers and get a real job' point; plenty of people do most of their rewarding activity on computers, because the supply cost is so low (most of us already own some kind of computer) and it's so much easier to find an existing community. But it does, psychologically speaking, count less; your brain isn't very good at seeing computers stuff as as 'real', on a primitive sensory level, as things you can touch with your hands or people that are right in front of you. Your massive community of fellow fans on the internet are less effective at filling your social needs than the crochet club at your local library, even if you like the people on the internet much more. It doesn't have to be everything, but ideally you should have at least one physical meatspace social club and at least one physical meatspace hobby, craft, or volunteer job. (They can be the same thing. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen for both.) They don't have to be the most important thing -- I care way more about my writing (electronic) than my crochet (meatspace) and I do the writing a lot more -- but the meatspace thing should exist, if you can manage it.

In this post: why tallship sailing is good for the soul. It's interesting because on board we talk about type 1, type 2, type 3 fun aboard.

Type 1 fun is fun (climbing the mast on a nice day, a good cracking sail in the sun, seeing dolphins, singing with your shipmates, all that good stuff).

Type 2 fun is satisfying. (Standing watch knowing you're taking care of the ship and everybody on it, work aloft to stow sail really nicely, working hard hauling lines to set sail, etc etc.)

Type 3 fun actually sucks while it's happening, but makes a good story in the pub later. (nightwatches in shitty weather, storms, etc etc)