reblog this post and RANK the following things: bread, potatoes, rice, pasta

here it is, the most relatable onion article

not to sound like a boomer but I miss when teen fashion trends where uglier. Seeing 15 yr olds w “instagram face” is just too much for me. lets all just put on too much eyeliner and wear poorly matching layers again.

Vsco girls wearing crocs and scrunchies have it right. Power to them and their overpriced water bottles. I wish them all the sksksksks

Just finished replacing all the windows in my car with intricately crafted stained glass that shatters every time I hit a pothole

these bitches really get it huh

this is the funniest response i’ve ever received. sir, do you really think that’s bill nye?

The names Practice

Mal Practice

Nice to meet you Dr. Practice, could you please tell me what's wrong with my son :)

He needs surgery on all of his bones

Very well, here is my credit card :)

I accept no payment I do this because I love it

fred likes to say tréasure

Did a nuclear fucking bomb go off in that second one

“what time is it” you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy”

“weird” is just a setting on my dryer

whats it do?

makes the clothes wetter

That is weird

the fuck u want?

bless the good place for “soulmates aren’t found they’re made” like your soulmate can literally be anyone who you love and take the time to build a strong relationship with they be big braining

he is turning the tiles brown. he needs to be contained

SCP 

fools. this was a white goat, you can see the white markings on him. he’s been soaking up the brown and he’s only got one square left. let him finish his work

HE’S STEALING THE BROWN

Sometimes I think I’m funny

I did not anticipate this resonating with so many people.

thought it comes from caves

am i thinking of QUARTZ again

easy mistake

ah, nuts

(coincidentally nuts also comes from caves)

you are thinking of quartz again