put the reading from my music history class through a text-to-speech voice thingy while minecrafting to see if that’d help me focus but the way it says “boogie woogie bugle boy” keeps sending me into fits of hysterics

kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

an accurate description tho

Piglins offer things of use in exchange for gold. They give you boots enchanted to allow easy passage over the land of souls that they avoid. They give you iron, gravel, fire charges, and obsidian, a quiet but clear message (just in case you need to go home). They give leather, arrows, string, basic supplies to keep you going. They give the same blackstone they've built their homes from (in case you might want to build a home here too).

Piglin know how to brew potions. They have bottles of water and fire resistance potions and they'll offer both to strangers that pay. They grow nether wart in the ruins of their homes. There is no natural nether wart to be found in the nether. Only what the piglins grow, and what can be found in the gardens of Fortress. It is the base of all potions, one of two essentials that must be farmed.

The other essential is blaze powder. Piglins must have some, they make potions after all, but they have no farms for it. Not anymore.

But there are fortresses. Fortresses built around blaze spawners. Fortresses with gardens of nether wart. Fortresses that were built and than abandoned. Chests with scraps of supplies left behind.

These fortresses are made of bricks. Netherrack bricks blocks, holding strong after all these years. These bricks aren't found naturally in the nether outside of fortresses. You can craft them yourself, or you can get them from one other source.

Piglins will offer you netherrack bricks. They have them. You won't find it in their bastions. But they will offer them all the same. They still remember how to make them. Maybe they used to build with them, once, a long time ago.

Piglins will wander into fortresses, but they do not call them home. Wither Skeletons do. Wither skeletons infest the fortresses, roaming around as if this is their home.

Piglins will hunt hoglins in groups, but there's no inherent hostility. Their children play together regardless of their parents quarrels. Hoglins are food, but not an enemy. Wither skeletons are not food. Yet Piglins are hostile to wither skeletons without provocation. A wither skeleton is known to be dangerous, is known to be a threat. A pest infesting a stolen home.

When offered gold, Piglins will give you many items. Things to keep you going, to help you get home, to help you stay where you are. But in that list, they will also offer netherrack bricks and ender pearls. Oddities in the lineup. Both have their uses, but both also send a message (if you want to go where they did, here's a hint, a helping hand. perhaps in hopes you will find something there they could not, or perhaps in hope you will manage to come back safely. whose to say).

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

The rules of Gay Pirate Plate are simple by the way.

WOE

PLATE BE UPON YE

toad trunk

image description: digital illustration of a mustard yellow toad on a tree trunk, surrounded by big mushrooms

website | shop | inprnt shop

i s2g when i was like 13 and drawing warrior cats fanart this diagram saved my life

also this one, the original is massive so this is just a small section but this one saved my life for character designs

(btw in case you’ve never seen the second one pls use it it’s an incredible resource for cat coat markings it literally has every conceivable marking)

link here

This is what happened when a fanfic site is profit driven. Wattpad sucks 😞

The email from Wattpad is so condescending imagine pressuring writers to update and work while they are doing it for free and fun. Also the discovery? Algorithm? Of Wattpad looks like a stressful popularity contest 😑

This is gross.

So within two days of each other, Fox News writes an article comparing aromanticism and asexuality to pedophilia, and then Matt Walsh releases a video saying asexuality is a mental illness and asexuals are tricking teenagers into having depression.

Not sure what’s going on right now over in Conservative World, but it’s a hell of wild U-turn for them to suddenly switch from “Oh no! The left is sexualizing our children!” to “Oh no! The left is asexualizing our children!”

It’s a reminder, I guess, that they’re coming for all of us. The fash and the white supremacists will not make nice distinctions between the queers when they put us up against the wall. There is no gatekeeping, no label-policing, no purity-purging and no assimilation that any of us can do that will save us. They want us dead, and while they’ll start with whoever is most vulnerable at any given time, they’ll get around to all of us eventually.

Queer solidarity means all of us because the fash are coming for all of us.

All Dividers are Feds. Stand united or die separately.

ANYONE who is trying to divide our community is a fucking Fed. That includes other queers who like to argue about who is and isn’t “allowed” in our community.

Asexuals have been saying it for years, but there is no pivot here. This is not the right suddenly going “NOT sexualizing things is bad too!”. This is the exact shit they have been doing THE ENTIRE TIME. Their goal has NEVER been the removal of sexualization. It has always been the removal of choice related to sexualization. By choosing to opt out of it entirely, asexuals are exerting a level of control that the right does not want us to have, just like anyone who opts for something other than a cishet romance for the purpose of reproduction.

To new, inexperienced drivers:

so idk if they teach you this in drivers’ ed class or whatever, but if you see someone in the opposite direction flashing their high beams at you, they’re NOT being a dick. they’re saying, “SLOW DOWN, I just saw a police car back there”.

If I hadn’t known that today, I wouldn’t have noticed the police car hiding in its fox hole and gotten a ticket for going 20 over the speed limit. and I’m glad I don’t have to pay $80 for a dumb mistake!!!

In deer country this is also used to warn others about a herd up ahead. In either case, the double flash means that some nonsense is occurring and ya gotta slow down!

Double-flash also means “turn on your headlights”. Basically, if someone’s flashing their brights, pay super-close attention and figure out what’s going on.

They could ALSO be flashing them to tell you to turn YOUR brights off because you’re blinding them! It’s common courtesy to turn your brights off for oncoming traffic, but not everyone knows this~

I’ve also seen it used to warn of an accident ahead. Basically anytime someone flashes their brights at you, if your own lights are 1) on, and 2) not on bright, you can take it to mean “slow down and pay attention for the next stretch of road particularly.”

Whether that’s for a speed trap, a herd of deer, or four fire trucks, two ambulances, and a dozen squad cars all clustered around what used to be two vehicles, slowing down and paying attention is good for you and can save you a lot of money and/or heartache.

opened an epub of “unmasking autism: discovering the new faces of neurodiversity” by devon price and got punched in the face by the first paragraph. off to a great start

“Parents or grandparents who themselves have Autism spectrum traits dismiss the child’s complaints, claiming that everybody suffers from the social stress, sensory sensitivities, stomach issues, or cognitive fuzziness they themselves experience.“

this is hysterical to me because i read out a list of autism traits to my mother while fighting to get assessed and she said “well if that’s autism then i’m autistic too” with a straight fucking face

Finally I can have that wet pants look without actually peeing myself!

Thinking about those egg tubes

For those confused in the notes, these are mostly sold to restaurants. Egg salad and egg garnish in retaurant food needs to look attractive; ever notice how if you get a salad in a lot of these places, the pieces are always perfect slices with white on the outside and yolk in the middle? Most of a sliced egg doesn't look like that because of the shape that the egg and yolk is, so if they were just boiling and slicing eggs, they'd have to throw out more than half the egg if they wanted their slices to look nice.

These tubes are just made of normal eggs but boiled together in along tube shape. This way the whole thing looks pretty except the ends. That's more egg per egg! They also store and transport easier than separate eggs, and because they're sold precooked they save a lot of boiling and egg peeling time in the kitchen and result in a far more consistent product, cooked to perfection. Slicing up a big egg tube is much faster and produces better results than the kitchen staff having to boil and peel eggs themselves each time.

TIL about tube eggs. :)

The German kids show with the mouse has your back

For those asking in the notes, the above video shows the long egg factory machines in operation.

I love when people are like “I can’t believe you reblogged that despite their user name, icon, bio, and last twenty posts” bc to me my dash is the only part of this website and I’m not slowing down to look at urls you could all be the same person

idk if this is a trope or whatever but i love it so much when fictional characters massively downplay the severity of their injuries but in more of a comedic way than a tragic one. like some guy gets impaled and they just glance down at the shard of metal sticking out of them and say some dumb bullshit like "oh man. that's gonna need some ice." and then pass out while all their friends yell at them for being an unfunny idiot with terrible priorities.

Wow this sucks I'm gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you

BTW, just to make sure everyone knows, this isn't just some internet rando commenting on her observations on the internet.

They are an Assistant Professor of Media Industries at New York University and literally just finished writing The Apple II Age: How the Computer Became Personal, a book on the history of the computer industry in the 70s.

This tweet isn't just an observation, it's the result of years of research and study. And it's absolutely true.

The ladies love me for my triple A swag (ace, aro, autistic). Unfortunately due to a combination of all three I do not love the ladies and it’s kinda becoming a problem here

[image ID:

a tweet by gil (@OafWorld) that reads

they call them the saw movies because after you see them you saw them

/end ID]

they call them the saw

movies because after you

see them you saw them

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.