“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

OMG OMG

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

happy Thursday the 20th

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th

August 2015

October 2016

April 2017

July 2017

September 2018

December 2018

June 2019

February 2020

August 2020

You know, just in case you wanted to set your queue for the next 6 years

TODAY

Since it’s now August 20, 2020… The next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th:

If you wanted to set your queue for the next six years.

THANK WHATEVER COSMIC BEING IS OUT THERE THAT THIS CAME UPON MY DASH HAPPY THURSDAY THE 20TH!!!!

happy Thursday the 20th guys

Holy shit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Tumblr post with this many notes. See you all in April!

HAPPY THURSDAY THE 20TH @hellsite-hall-of-fame

IT’S THURSDAY THE 20TH

A recent cartoon for New Scientist.

SURPRISE. I HAVE MORE. 🚀🌕

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

MOON LANDING DAY IS THURSDAY!

HAPPY MOON DAY EVERYONE!!! 🌙

I’m seeing a weird uptick in people commenting nasty stuff on people’s non-cat/dog pet stuff again and not so gentle reminder:

Your phobia or dislike of certain animals does not give you the right to harass and bully people who love and share them.

Use the blacklist tag like a normal human being, and leave people who love rats or snakes or bugs etc. the fuck alone.

SOMETIME IN THE LAST WEEK MY SCHOOL PUT UP A LARGE BANNER DEDICATED TO THE :-) EMOTICON

happy birthday :-) face

it’s that time of the year again everyone say happy 40th birthday :-)

This is apparently what was contained in the original message that invented the :-) and I'm obsessed with Fahlman's diction here

Last week I accidentally took an edible at 10x my usual dose. I say “accidentally” but it was really more of a “my friend held it out to my face and I impulsively swallowed it like a python”, which was technically on purpose but still an accident in that my squamate instincts acted faster than my ability to assess the situation and ask myself if I really wanted to get Atreides high or not.

Anyway. I was painting the wall when it hit. My friend heard me make a noise and asked what was wrong—I explained that I had just fallen through several portals. I realized that painting the wall fulfilled my entire hierarchy of needs, and was absolutely sure that I was on track to escaping the cycle of samsara if I just kept at it a little longer. I was thwarted on my journey towards nirvana only by the fact that I ran out of paint.

Seeking a surrogate act of humble service through which I might be redeemed and made human, I turned to unwashed dishes in the sink and took up the holy weapon of the sponge. I was partway through cleaning the blender when it REALLY hit.

You ever clean a blender? It’s a shockingly intimate act. They are complex tools. One of the most complicated denizens of the kitchen. Glass and steel and rubber and plastic. Fuck! They’ve got gaskets. You can’t just scrub ‘em and rinse them down like any other piece of shit dish. You’ve got to dissemble them piece by piece, groove by sensitive groove, taking care to lavish the spinning blades with cautious attention. There’s something sensual about it. Something strangely vulnerable.

As I stood there, turning the pieces over in my hands, I thought about all the things we ask of blenders. They don’t have an easy job. They are hard laborers taking on a thankless task. I have used them so roughly in my haste for high-density smoothies, pushing them to their limits and occasionally breaking them. I remembered the smell of acrid smoke and decaying rubber that filled the kitchen in the break room the last time I tried to make a smoothie at work—the motor overtaxed and melted, the gasket cracked and brittle. Strawberry slurry leaked out of it like the blood of a slain animal.

Was this blender built to last? Or was it doomed to an early grave in some distant landfill by the genetic disorder of planned obsolescence? I didn’t know, and was far too high to make an educated guess. But I knew that whatever care and tenderness and empathy I put into it, the more respect for the partnership of man and machine, the better it would perform for me.

This thought filled me with a surge of affection. However long its lifespan, I wanted it to be filled with dignity and love and understanding. I thought: I bet no one has hugged this blender before. And so I lifted it from its base.

A blender is roughly the size and shape of a human baby. Cradling one in your arms satisfies a primal need. A month ago I was permitted to hold an infant for the first time in my life, an experience which was physically and psychologically healing. I felt an echo of that satisfaction holding my friend the blender, and the thought of parting with it felt even more ridiculous than bringing it with me to hang out on my friend’s bed.

I'm not usually one for trip reports but this one is gold if only for the phrase "Atreides High"

hold me

Retales Retold - Day 2

-An intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.

-Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.

-A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.

-He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He next walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.

-A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.  

Got this tweet recommended to me a moment ago.

In addition to being a shit thing to do to strikers and the public in general, it’s also extremely damaging to the trees to prune them back that severely during the summer.

Not only could it kill the trees, but it can also discourage regrowth for several years because that level of pruning during active growing season is legitimately traumatic to the trees.

So, really, whoever did it, is a jackass on multiple levels.

They're also all essential for you to get coffee. Even if you don't go to a coffee shop to get it, three out of four of those people still were responsible for you being able to buy the coffee beans in the first place.

They all deserve a thriving wage. Not just enough to live off of, but enough to live a happy life. Even if they're immigrants, even if their labor is illegal- the only reason illegal immigrants are used for labor is because they're desperate for any income and their home countries are even worse for jobs and their and their family's safety than this one, and because corporations are the ones choosing to exploit them for profit. Don't blame the individuals just trying to survive, blame the ones who keep the system the way it is.

Hello I’m ready to be unextinct for Pride 🌈

why is “report hate speech” not one of the default options with “report spam” instead of “report sexually explicit material”. i’m not a cop so i don’t care if people post hole & pole but i would love if i didn’t have to explain every time why it’s bad when there are nazis

i desperately need like a canopy bed or a tent bed or an in-wall bed or something i need to be tucked in i need to be protected from the elements i need to be in a little hole in a den in a nest im just a prey animal trying to get by

do you get it or do you not know anything

call out post now