Hey There Folks It’s Me, Ya Boy

HELLO?????

(x)

someone said this should have been a poll and they were right, so

SOMEONE HAS BEATEN MINECRAFT IN UNDER A MINUTE

I REPEAT. SOMEONE HAS BEATEN MINECRAFT IN UNDER A MINUTE

this is actually set seed glitchless, you’re thinking of random seed glitchless (which the wr for is actually 7 min 45 sec)! this basically means that they know everything about the seed going in and are picking the most perfect seed. (the previous set seed record was 1 min 47 sec)

also this record uses a really cool strat where it uses the dragons velocity against itself and if you line things up perfectly you’re able to kill the dragon with a single shot of an arrow!

here is the video!

if you've ever been launched into the void off the top of a pillar by the ender dragon before, you know that the dragon tends to fling things around like crazy. this is because it's center hitbox wants to push objects away really fast, proportional to how close it is to the center.

if you fire an arrow at the exact perfect spot (I'm talking insanely perfect - pixel and frame dependent, as well as needing the correct rng for the dragon's flight path) then you can exploit this to have the arrow be launched at incredible speeds directly into the dragon's hurtbox.

arrows in minecraft calculate their damage based on velocity. that's why barely charging a bow does very weak damage, while fully charging a bow does much more. however, there isn't a cap on this damage. you can theoretically one shot anything in the game no matter how strong, as long as you can get the arrow to travel fast enough. and that's exactly what happens here.

the final minute barrier being broken for ssg just shows how much dedication and commitment and knowledge and willpower the entire minecraft speedrunning community has.

City where the central structural columns of all large skyscrapers have swords in them just in case a giant robot needs a sword to fight an equally giant alien invader. The hilts stick out of the tops of the buildings like spires; some of the larger hilts have observation decks built into the guard. Once a month the same guys who wash the windows take their little suspended platforms inside the central column to polish and sharpen the sword.

jet fuel can’t melt damascus steel beams

this is my new favorite headline/image combo EVER

One of the suggested links in the article is another fabulous headline by the same author : "A creeping mass of insect larvae near a Denali lodge raises the question: ‘Am I hallucinating?’"

A Harlequin Shrimp sitting among some musical garbage off the coast of Indonesia by Girts Kravalis

being a manager sucks balls half the time but the cashier kids im in charge of trust me enough to dick around in front of me so ive been keeping a running list of the shit they say that makes me laugh randomly: -"guys, is it cheating if you play fortnite with your ex" [4 seperate others, immediately]: "YES" -"there must be like… infinite sentences" -"bro what bro what the fuck bro what's that mean bro why'd you say that bro what" <distraught response to a girl randomly greeting him with 'hey there big boy' in an old timey transatlantic news reporter accent

[a ticket reads that a customer wants their burger cut in half]

-"What the hell why are they so picky??? That's like for kids. That's like something my DAD would-- wait i don't have a dad-- that's like something my MOM would do"

-"BRO WHY ARE YOU CUSSING ME OUT IN SPANISH???" for some reason shouted so loudly that customers still in line all start laughing

-i open the restaurant and notice the kitchen is still kind of dirty and try to glean who closed last night, and i overhear two of the boys talking about yesterdaay

me: "so, you helped in the kitchen last night?"

IMMEDIATELY: "IT WASNT ME I JUST DID THE FRYERS LAST NIGHT"

me: "I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING YET"

i accidentally tripped over a gas line while trying to clean behind the stove and made a loud fear noise and the kid helping me clean the kitchen goes "dude your screams scare me. They remind me of when i accidentally step on my dog's tail"

the Real Adult in charge went to go give someone a break in another store and I'm chilling in ours for a bit and 5 mins one of the girls rushes up to me like "DID YOU KNOW WE HAVE AN ATTIC?"

I did. I have never seen the attic so I go check it out and there's already like three of them up there

me: the fuck are you guys doing???

clerk: they wanna do the grimace challenge up there

one of them has never heard of vampires

update about this one because another coworker wouldnt let it go: he insists he's Heard of them but thought they were, quote, "like, really big bats"

Clerk 1: dude don't mix that isn't it like toxic? What are the chemicals you're not supposed to mix--

me: WHAT'S IN THE SINK.

Clerk 2: We're trying to clean the sink

me: Which cleaners did you MIX

Clerk 3: All of it

me: DRAIN IT.

[one brief emergency explanation about never mixing cleaners and what mustard gas is]

Clerk 1: oh yeah didn't they use that during like world war two

Me: yeah man it's like, a war crime now. It's just such a horrible way to die that we can't use it anymore

Clerk 2: wait fr???

Clerk 3: ohh. What about opium?

Me: ...what?

Clerk 3: like the opium war.

Me:

[one brief emergency explanation about what the opium war was later]

Explained to the two boys helping me in the kitchen why we submerge our lettuce at night to help it keep. They proceed to have a conversation where one is absolutely messing with the other by trying to convince him that both lettuce and reptiles are living things that need to be soaked to survive, and are therefore related. he speaks with so much conviction and just keeps doubling down and the other one just gets increasingly angrier and I'm just trying not to crack up over the fryers

and then the exasperated kid whirls around at me and goes "IS LETTUCE REPTILES???" and I lose my fucking mind

I run this place with one other person who i Do Not Like and the kids are well aware of our stupid restaurant manager beef and love to gossip

They keep moving shit to inconvenient locations and I hate it and keep having to move shit back, then once on my day off they decided to call in help and move my Entire Fucking Kitchen around and I was real fucking pressed about it for like the rest of the week (put off opening the next morning to move all the big ass machines and fryers back my damned self to establish territory or whatever)

A week later one of the really sweet girls who helps me in the kitchen goes "hey I have a confession. me and (other kid) were there while they were moving your kitchen and we knew you'd hate it. I was going to say something"

"Oh no worries, it's not really your responsibility to go between us like that"

"no no, I was going to tell her to at least ask you about it first but then I was like 'hmmm....let's see how this plays out'. for the drama."

"...ok I guess I should probably be mad but that's actually really fucking funny"

today i turned around and saw this

it's been 0 days since I posted Second Century Warlord the Warlock

all these videos of people in california walking around playing in flood waters noooooooooooo you don’t enter flood water for the same reason you don’t breathe in wildfire smoke: you don’t know what’s in there but trust that it’s everything it could find before it got to you

The Southern California area doesn't get floods often (not talking about the desert area, you guys know).

OP is completely correct. Things that regularly show up in flood water:

Seriously friends, be safe. Don't go canoeing in the street no matter how funny it is. Don't drive your truck through the big puddles to make it splash. Don't go swimming. If you really have no choice and MUST enter the water for whatever reason, get out quickly and wash with clean water immediately, especially your eyes and any abrasions. Hospitals and the rescue aids are already going full throttle, don't add to their workload by being dumb.

just wanted to add that floodwaters can also carry:

floodwater also often looks to be moving slower than it is!! you are at significant risk of being swept away even it the floodwaters only reach a couple feet!

you know that quote "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail" bc that's how i feel whenever i have a lysol wipe in my hand

It’s a Tree. There was a tree there. Folks cut down a tree, they usually don’t pull the roots, it’s like a Whalefall for fungus and burrowing invertebrates. They feast for decades.

It’s tree roots. I know that’s not cool and adventurous but I promise you it’s tree roots.

No, that's where they dumped the body of my good friend, Mr. Five by Five. We called him that because he was five feet tall and five feet wide. Perfectly spherical.

I touch the chair and it starts vibrating violently and smack me in the face and I ragdoll to the other side of the room

I do. God help me I do

bye to a real one… add your favourite smash mouth tweet

The cat did it better 😳

It's an illusion....

Happy Labor Day

star trek heritage post (September 7th, 2020)