Can we acknowledge stomach acid being fucking weird? We have pits of acid in us that sometimes comes out our very delicate throats??? Imagine an alien hits a human in the stomach hard enough to make them sick and thinks they've won, but they get melted by the vomit. And somewhere along the line aliens get convinced that one of a human's defence mechanisms is spitting acid and we have to explain that no, but we have some earth native reptiles that can.
Memo 78: Regarding human psyche
Recorded by Galactic representative pharoadosh of the echelonions
As some of you are doubtless aware, many species feel very uncomfortable around cosmic defender 349728, particularly members of the intergalactic community who utilize telepathic communication or sub telepathic scanning. All of you report bursts of emotion from seemingly no source that do not match the situation and/or body language presented by cosmic defender 349728. This is normal and not any cause for alarm. Humans have at least 3 psyches, emotional, logical and the subconscious. The subconscious runs information through simple thought processes and cross references those against similar situations and then will present a subset of that information to the conscious mind whenever it feels like it. It may only pick out this relevant data point weeks later in an entirely different situation. The emotional mind may react very oddly to the situation picking out something particularly amusing or sad or some other emotional response but the logical mind suppresses the outward reaction. Hence the inappropriate burst of emotion coming from nowhere.
Some of you have noted a sustained period of emotion that doesn't match cosmic defender 349728's outward reaction. Humans frequently have to adapt to situations that they find unpleasant but must pretend that they enjoy. They learn at a young age to modify their body language to present different social cues while internally they feel differently. Please ignore these situations as acknowledging them will only make the problem worse.
A few of you have noted long periods of time when cosmic defender 349728 just stops thinking. These periods can even occur during prolonged activity that should require some level of consciousness. We don't know how or why he does this. He might legitimately be dead during those periods, I simply don't know and neither does he. Yes I am aware that this is a completely terrifying fact and no I don't know of anyway to make it less scary.
Sometimes the human, while fully conscious, will engage in elaborate mental scenarios. He generally only does this if there is nothing else to occupy his attention. Sometimes those scenarios are unusually violent. This isn't any cause for alarm these are merely mental exercises. Cosmic defender 349728 grew up on a super-toxic death world and his species has a natural inclination towards violence as part of their predatory biology. He is a hyper aware predatory species, with extremely developed visualisation and mapping skills designed to help him track his prey. In absence of of external stimulus his predatory brain will self stimulate. Presumably this is done to prevent his violent tendencies from making him attack his packmates.
A final word of caution, there are aspects of the human mind that humans themselves maybe unaware of so venture in at your own peril.
Something along the lines of dream having a sensory overload moment in the waking after getting out of the fishbowl and can’t really think or calm down so he asks Hob to go get his coat for him and Hob says :( <3 oh dove of course hold on— and when he comes back hes like Fucks Sake Dream Why Is Your Coat So Fucking Heavy and dream says i keep sand in the lining ? and hob is like my darling are you just wearing a 45 pound weighted blanket at all times and dream is just standing there like
To all restaurants: you need an online presence OTHER THAN Facebook. Like, something people can access without any account or login at all.
Also, that online presence should just show your menu. Not a PDF download, simply your menu, directly, no need to start an online ordering process.
I remain amazed how many ways, in 2022, places can fuck this up.
and the menu should include prices!!!
and the menu should include the fucking prices!
also if I could add it is helpful to have an allergen menu very easily accessible as well. this one isn't as common but it sucks when some don't have them At All
banjosandmoonlight-deactivated2
When Hob gets into a relationship with Dream, an entity beyond gods, he doesn’t expect he’ll get performance anxiety, of all things, about going to sleep.
“This is not going to work,” Hob sighs defeated after thirty minutes of futile attempts and changing position five times.
“What is of the matter?” Dream asks, tilting his head to the side, his eyes bright like stars in the darkness of the room as he watches Hob intently.
“I can’t sleep if you keep staring at me like that, mate,” he admits.
“Like what?”
Hob snorts.
“As if every moment I stay awake is a bloody insult to you.”
hob & matthew teaming up to convince dream that "birds aren't real" is 1) a real conspiracy a large percentage of humans believe, and 2) something both of them PERSONALLY believe
dream: matthew, you are a bird
matthew: and I'm not real, am I? the dreaming made me
hob: he's literally a government drone, dream. YOUR government drone!
You know what?
Hob would love the insanity and lack of care 2022 is full of.
Man who was drowned for suspicion of being a witch, suddenly finding himself in time when nobody cares? when he doesn't have to worry about slip of the tongue? when even if he acts as his most unhinged version possible people would just shrug?
Yes, please love it, sing him up.
Hob not caring anymore about hiding his lack of aging, because everybody jus think he spend all his paycheck on plastic operations. People asking him what his skin routine is and he just answers with a laugh “oh you know i am not telling you i sold my soul to satan, but…” and wiggles his eyebrows not finishing the sentence.
Hob taking his students to a museum where they hang his own portrait commissioned days before he hosted the King, happily posing right next to it, amused to end when his students joke around that their teacher is immortal.
People asking him how old he is and he just murmurs “Oh i don't know i lost the count somewhere between 17 and 18 century” without even raising his eyes from exams he is marking.
Ranting to everybody who would listen how Sheakspear once made his friend walk out on him and everybody just assuming his friend was somehow so irritated by some Sheakspear work that they just walked away
Students saying as joke “oh i just eat fast food today and did nothing i don't think my peasant ancestor would be proud of me” and Hob just appearing out of nowhere starting whole speech “You’re peasant ancestors died by 30, worked until they literally fall asleep from exhaustion and eat the most bland food there is! You’re getting an education they could only dream of! Eating food full of spices they didn't even know existed! Flavors they could only dream off! You're living like a king for them! You’re living the life in standards they dreamed of for their children! Your peasant ancestors are proud of you! They are happy that you live this way!”
Hob sometimes just slipping into Old English speech without even realizing and everybody just being like “Ah that history teachers! They are so quirky!”
Hob being free and happy in 2022.
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Naomi Native depicted as Oshun, Yoruba goddess of love, beauty, and fertility
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banjosandmoonlight-deactivated2
Dream’s brilliant, gorgeous and nigh omnipotent — it’s only natural Hob’s bewitched by him the moment he sees him in that tavern in 1389. Once they’re in a relationship Hob learns though that he loves Dream for reasons beyond that.
Dream clings to his lovers and Hob’s no exception. He’s always starving for physical contact, for attention and he’s made it clear should Hob ever decide to reside in the Dreaming full time as his consort he’d be more than welcome. Dream’s always visibly disappointed whenever they have to part — and yet he faithfully wakes Hob every day to make sure he gets to his lecture on time and makes him coffee in the evening if there’s a deadline and he has to pull an all-nighter.
netflix is about to lose so many subscribers. like they think blocking password sharing is the answer when in reality they're almost exclusively hurting pissed off families with split living situations & people who don't have constant access to wifi. these people and the people they shared their pw with are not going to be like "aw darn well better make another account for my son in college and pay double now :)" they're gonna say "well this fucking sucks and isn't worth the money anymore" and CANCEL Netflix ahdhdjakajajdjsjakssjsj
So did anyone else pay attention to the paper hob was grading at the new inn? Because by God, that student is so fucked.
Dude got EVERY question wrong
Eleanor Gadlen is most certainly not stupid.
She had asked Robert, long before they were wed, in what year he had been born. It was a reasonable enough question for a woman to ask the man she very much intended to marry, and she had been rather surprised by his faltering smile. He had said I don’t remember, and his face had flushed. It was strange to see him lie so openly, but at the time she was too much in love to let it bother her. After all, he couldn’t be more than 30, and he seemed even younger than that. Eleanor herself was 25 at the time, and ready to be married. The matter passed from her mind as their betrothal was finally secured and eventually followed by a wedding.
Now, she sits across the fireside from her husband, and observes a face that hasn’t aged. He has grown his beard in accordance with the fashion, and his hair is less wild than it might have been a decade ago. But the face beneath is the very same. His body is no different, still as firm and strong as the night she first saw it.
Robert Gadlen hasn’t aged a day in all of the time that Eleanor has known him. Eleanor’s body has changed meanwhile, shaped by their child and by the passage of 10 years, and she is beginning to wonder why his has not.
He loves her just as ardently as he did on the day they married. Each night he takes her in his arms as though he can’t believe that she is his. His eyes have never strayed toward another woman. He always desires her, sometimes too openly for her modesty to allow. His ways are strange, sometimes. He drifts into long daydreams where he feels unreachable. And yet he always comes back and presses his kind face to Eleanor’s breast in search of comfort.
She wonders, occasionally, as she watches him. He is so human. Clumsy, loud and foolish. No demon has ever tripped over a doorstep and smacked its forehead into the wall in the way that she has seen Robert do, over and over. No witch or familiar has ever held a child in the way that Robert holds their little Robyn.
A fairy prince, then? That seems just as unlikely. She feels herself smile at the mere thought, and Robert catches her eye from the other side of the fire. His smile is just the same.
In her dreams Eleanor sits beside the same black-clad stranger each night. They both watch Robert, together. Eleanor thinks that this stranger must be a friend, because she sees the way he looks at Robert. Wondering, surprised, amused. He, too, is trying to figure out the puzzle.
Sometimes she is sure that her Robert is no more and no less than a man. And that, after all, is why she loves him.
Dream of the Endless, in all of his wisdom, can only agree.
Hob and Dream coparenting little baby dream Daniel you say...
"Alright Daniel, bath time little fella. Dani... No Daniel! Not kitten time! Bath. Daniel, no no... What the fu...Dream, can you come up here please?! DREAM!!!"