😭😭😭😭
One of my favorite genres of post
i gotta show yall a our discord classic
my friend was testing perfumes out at the store and she sniffed a bottle and anounced "ngl this bitch kind of sucks" The girl at the counter suddenly looked really sad, and my friend was like "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you." And the girl looked up and said "No don't worry, I didn't think that, but I just crushed a ladybug with my shoe" We both took a peak over the counter. she'd stepped on a red m&m
bitches call my dick game weak bc my thrusts are uncoordinated and sloppy and i keep losing my erection thinking about the ramifications of the maze
Anonymous asked:
why do you hate swifties so much
because they aligned themselves with the treacherous count dooku
Every few months twitterinas bring back the “carnivores are a problematic element of nature and we should feed them synthetic meat and make it so they don’t eat herbivores. this is completely normal, feasible and won’t have any kind of repercussion on the ecosystem” discourse
First time I saw that was a guy who had as proposition to create fake prey animals with a robotic exoskeleton and covered in synthetic meat that predators would hunt, eat and then the exoskeleton would get up and go to the lab to get re meated. That was funny as hell
Tiger watching skinless carcass it just ate get up and walk away
we’ve started feeding this tortoiseshell-point siamese recently. she’s beautiful, aside from the fact she has disturbingly big, bulging blue eyes. we’ve started calling her… ‘goop’
it’s goop!
GUESS WHO HAD GOOPLETS! SIX ENTIRE BABIES! mama goop held onto her gooplings for an entire week longer than she had to, so the gooplitos came out very well done and fluffy!!
nearly five years ago… since then, mama goop has aged significantly, and as she nears the end of her life, she’s been given a cushy retirement alongside her beloved husband, papa pumpkin. for everyone who remembers this post, the goop troop sends their regards
we’ve started feeding this tortoiseshell-point siamese recently. she’s beautiful, aside from the fact she has disturbingly big, bulging blue eyes. we’ve started calling her… ‘goop’
it’s goop!
GUESS WHO HAD GOOPLETS! SIX ENTIRE BABIES! mama goop held onto her gooplings for an entire week longer than she had to, so the gooplitos came out very well done and fluffy!!
nearly five years ago… since then, mama goop has aged significantly, and as she nears the end of her life, she’s been given a cushy retirement alongside her beloved husband, papa pumpkin. for everyone who remembers this post, the goop troop sends their regards
tom and jerry have turned to a life of self flagellation and degeneracy.
I hate how 3 pm is so close to 2 pm so there's an illusion that there's still time left in the day to do things but in reality 3 pm is also close to 4 pm and if it's close to 4 pm you might as well just wait till tomorrow. <- can't argue against this by the way.
o6eiyrskb4hg7rix8hih-deactivate
“you wanna know how i this insane?”
the joker
are you serious?
systemshocker
Lying to children is fun when they know you are being ridiculous. When you hold up a carrot like “guys look at this huge Cheeto” and they all scream “NOOOOOOOOO that’s a CARE-OTT!”
“What? No, it’s my giant Cheeto.”
“NOOOOOOO!”
When I was a camp counselor a fellow counselor claimed that any silly camp song we sang was “his next hit single” and we should all follow him on SoundCloud and he stuck by this daily and it never ceased to amuse both the adults and the children.
When children are small and learning to count and you say the numbers out of order? Peak comedy.
“How many toys are there? Let’s see… oneeee, twooo, six!”
“NO! One two three!”
“What? Are you sure? Let me try again. One, two… six?”
“Noooooo!”
Once reduced a toddler into a fit of giggles by singing “A B C D E F Q.”
Tags from @windyvalleyzone
on Halloween at the store i work at there was a little boy in a Batman costume, and as I was helping his mom I kept addressing him as Mr. Superman and Mr. Aquaman & he kept correcting me, “noooo, BATMAN” until they were leaving and he very seriously told me, “actully, I’m Ryan”
my favourite thing to do when a small child hands me a random object with no clear intent is to answer it like a cell phone. Gets em every time
