Not a single monkey survived the Neuralink experiment. I’ll bet Elmo can’t wait to start torturing and murdering human beings with this.

The queer housing facebook group to small claims court pipeline.

please watch my favorite game changer clip ever

shoutout to the gay couple who essentially queued up behind me to also take a pic

wizards thinking of clerics as hacks cause we spent years of study learning the secrets of the universe they cheated and got a god to do their magic for them

clerics thinking of wizards as hacks cause we spent years serving and cultivating a deeply personal relationship with a god they copied down some cheat codes to make stuff blow up

Think about your every sin,

As our Tilt-a-Whirly spins :)

Tell me I didn't just see a Taylor Swift fan call her "underground" 💀 bitches wouldn't know underground if they fell down a mile-long hole into a dark narrow cave system where they will surely remain until they starve or die of exposure

😭 😭 😭

Do not attempt to out-malicious-compliance the staff at the malicious compliance conference.

Some dipshit decided to pay the conference fee ($250) in quarters. He handed us a wrapped plastic bag full of loose change. "It's all there," he said with a shit-eating grin, "you can count it."

Oh buddy. We're going to count it. What were you expecting?

At about the time I got to $60, he offered to give us $300 collateral so he could get his badge and go to the conference.

No, bud. You get to watch the most dyscalculic staffer count to a thousand while all your friends go in to the breakfast and find seats for the first talk.

"Ruining someone's day" is the favorite hobby of everyone here. Why would you hand us the perfect opportunity to wreck your shit and think that was an own? Half the con is calling him "Untraceable," the other half is calling him "Quarter Boy" and nobody cares what he says his handle is.

I spent an hour counting that and made him go fetch me baggies to hold it every fifty dollars.

This ended up being a good bonus prank for me too, because when the counting was done I wrapped the bags in gaffer's tape and spent the rest of the day handing it to people very casually while saying "oh here, hold this for a sec" and then watching they weren't ready for the weight (I only did this to people I know well enough to know this wouldn't hurt them).

It's an infosec conference, so it's a weekend in a hotel full of people whose favorite thing is breaking the law and whose second favorite thing is following the letter of the law while cheerfully violating the spirit.

Thank you, that means a lot coming from you, @unyanizedcatboys

I have a horrible secret to share. to the five of you who care to keep up with new build a bear releases, you’ve probably noticed a lot of bald yellow animals lately. the lion, pineapple, narwhal, etc. there’s a reason for that. it’s because they made too much of it expecting the minions from despicable me to sell well. but they didn’t. so now they have all this extra yellow fabric to use. so all these new releases? yeah. they’re made out of minion skin

source: I work there and handle tens of these things per day. they’re the same. it’s all the same fabric

minion transmutation...

Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs

Reasons not to have your dog offleash at a public park:

1) roads (this one is self-explanatory)

2) it makes the park inaccessible to like, entire swathes of the population. If you have experience with police dogs or guard dogs in your neighborhood, or you're a new immigrant from somewhere with a large population of feral dogs, it sucks ass going to the park and having someone's massive lab bound up to you!

3) If, for example, you are in a protected wetland area plastered with friendly signs asking you to please leash your dog to avoid causing an ecological impact, having your dog offleash might cause an ecological impact! "Oh no, my dog is well-behaved, they would never bother the wildlife" wrong! your dog is in the pond trying to eat the endangered Blandings' turtles!

4) Non-zero chance of a jokerified park guide (me) just clipping your dog to a leash and stealing them

5) “Oh but my dog is friendly!” If your unleashed “friendly” dog runs up to my leashed UNFRIENDLY dog, and my dog bites yours, guess who’s getting the blame despite doing everything right?

6) Allergies. “Oh but my dog is friendly!” oh well that’s great I guess I can just put the epipen away because, yknow, he didn’t mean to induce anaphylactic shock, it was all in good fun, nothing to worry about!

7) Small children, the elderly and disabled people. “Oh but my dog is so friendly!” When your friendly dog slams into me/jumps on me/knocks me over I am just as injured.

BEAT THEM THE WAY THE ROMANS BEAT CHRIST

ublock origin should still work, get firefox, tell your friends to get firefox, uninstall chromium browsers, do not support this by using google’s products, frankly

Best friends

(via)

Neil doodle from yesterday 🦊

Why don’t we ever talk about the fact that leonard nimoy had to walk off set because of tooth pain and show up at his dentist dressed as spock

Also Brent Spiner broke his mandible during the filming of ‘The Game’ and had to be taken to hospital dressed as Data

Jonathan Frakes got hit with a part of his quarterstaff when it was smacked with a sword and had to go to the hospital dressed in his Q-pid Robin Hood rags.

Tracy Scoggins didn’t have to go to the hospital, but while she was filming “Destiny” in full Cardassian makeup, she “took the opportunity to walk around the lot at Paramount and scare the schoolchildren on buses. Until finally Security called the stage at DS9 and said, ‘Could ya’ll do something about keeping your aliens contained over there?’”

[source]

Robert Duncan McNeill had an episode of Voyager where his first major make-up day gave him the appearance of gnarly burns all over his face & hands and he said he then ‘gleefully skipped off to the nearest 7-11 to bask in the horrified looks as he casually shopped’. XD

I remember when Nana Visitor told us a story about going to the hospital in her Star Trek outfit (I cant remember what for) one of the interns there was freaking out until it was explained to him that it was just makeup and that her nose did not, in fact break and crumple like an accordion, and that she was there for something else.

I remember reading that Armin Shimmerman once had to race home to his family after an earthquake still in his quark makeup.

Andy Robinson also went home after that earthquake in full Garak makeup and the traffic lights weren’t working so people had to make eye contact at the intersections and he says everybody always let him go first

i desperately need to know what the bribes involved were, given how clinical trials went in primates.