“Sometimes suffering is just suffering. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t build character. It only hurts.”
— Kate Jacobs; Comfort Food
i know we’re over. i know that the day will come when your face will fade from my memory, your fingers will stop touching my hips, and your lips will lift off of my neck and i will forget i ever wanted you to be mine. i know i will lock your secrets away deep inside of me and i know that one day, i’ll move on far enough to forget the color of your eyes and the way they burned into me. i know we’re over, but i can’t help but imagine what it would’ve been like to love you. if you would’ve let me. if you would’ve chosen me over her. if you could’ve understood that i prefer your face over the sunset any day. i imagine becoming so familiar with the electricity of your fingertips that they become the current of my own skin. i imagine getting used to loving you so much, and not just in the beginning. i imagine me wearing your sweaters and never having to remember the smell of your cologne because it’d always stick to my skin like a fresh memory. i imagine long car rides and midday naps and trips to the beach and your body tangled in my sheets. but i have to stop because i know we’re over, i know you chose her and there’s nothing i can do to change your mind or show you how it all could’ve been so different. it makes me sick to my stomach thinking of her body in your arms and her sitting in the passenger seat of your car, and i feel your hand on her thigh like a gunshot wound. because goodness, i know we’re over, but i never wanted to be.
and yes, i want to scream at you, and cry to you, and crumble into your arms and let you know that i was falling for you, the whole time, from the beginning right to the shitty end, there wasn’t a moment you weren’t on my mind. but you chose her. and even if i didn’t want things to turn out this way,i know i have to accept it. and from the bottom of my heart, although you hurt me, i hope you turn out okay. i hope your head becomes a kinder place and i hope you move away and do all the things you want to do and fall in love with all the right people. and i hope the same for myself. because i know that even though we’re over, life is just beginning.
—even though we’re over, life is just beginning. ap 6.19
“Getting your shit together requires a level of honesty you can’t even imagine. There’s nothing easy about realizing you’re the one that’s been holding you back this whole time.”
— Jayde
“Now, every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: What darkness did you conquer in your story? Mountains do not rise without earthquakes.”
— Katherine MacKenett
“You’re dumb if you think I never cared cause God knows how many times I broke my heart for you.”
— J Cole
You were my most painful “almost”...
Imagine we get our first apartment. We put on music and dance stupidly around the empty space and boxes. So happy, finally, it feels like our life together can start.
Anonymous asked:
Tips for long distance relationships?
I’m going to be honest with you- long distance relationships are not easy. My boyfriend and I did long distance for four months when he did a school-required internship in a different state. We’d been dating for three years at that point, living together for two, and it almost wrecked our relationship.
Our main issue was the fact that our work schedules were complete opposites. I worked 9am-5pm and he worked 4pm-2am. It was so difficult to schedule time just to talk to each other, one of us would always be exhausted or stressed out, and it just didn’t work well.
That said, an old co-worker of mine and his girlfriend did long distance for THREE YEARS only seeing each other once or twice each year. And I mean, really long distance- he was in America, she was in Australia. Now they’re married. Another co-worker and his girlfriend did long distance for a year, then they moved in together for a year, and now they’re engaged too.
Here are some ideas:
- Care Packages. Surprise your SO by sending them random care packages by snail mail. Send them their favorite candy (chocolate tends to melt), make them a mixtape, send them sexy clothes, write them a love letter, etc.
- Specific Dates. Settle on a specific date when the two of you will next see each other. Don’t say “sometimes in May” or flipflop around with indecisiveness. Get the plane or train ticket, get a few days off work, and commit to it. This gives you both something to look forward to, but make sure to take turns visiting one another.
- Facetime > Phone. Facetime (or Skype, does anyone use Skype anymore??) is a million times better than talking on the phone. Give yourself face-to-face time with your SO. Try to do this as often as possible, but avoid making it your daily therapy session. This is what I did during my long distance relationship, and it was not a turn on.
- Shared Activity. Find a shared activity that you can do with your SO while you’re away from them. This might be reading the same book, watching a Netflix series, listening to the same album, and then sharing the experience with one another. This is important in all relationships, but long distance Facetimes eventually get to the point where neither of you has done anything interesting, and this will give you something to talk about. As far as Netflix goes, http://showgoers.tv/ is a Chrome extension that syncs up you and your SO’s accounts so that you can watch a show at the same time.
- Texting. We all know that it’s sometimes hard to understand what someone is really feeling over text, even if they’re someone you love. NEVER start an argument over text! You shouldn’t in general, but doing it while you’re in a long distance relationship is straight up relationship suicide.
- Surprise Visit. If you know your SO’s schedule really well, plan a surprise visit. My boyfriend surprised me by showing up a week after he’d moved away by waking me up in the morning. So romantic. Be smart about scheduling this, understand that they might still have to work a shift or have laundry to do, and be as helpful as you can be.
- Future. From what I’ve experienced, long distance relationships work best if the couple knows when they’re going to be moving in together. It’s a shared goal to work towards, and it makes the long distance worth it. Maybe you’re both away at school for a year or two, but Summer of 2019 you’re moving to Cali and getting an apartment together. This date doesn’t have to be definite- things happen. But make sure there always is a tentative date for your first night sharing your new home.
Also feel free to private message me if you have specific concerns I didn’t address. I was not a very good long distance girlfriend, and I’m trying to spread the word about what NOT to do. Good luck!
the-1-who-came-and-stayed-4ever
I say that I love you almost every minute. You always respond, and I know you always really mean it. For the first time I dont doubt somebody's words or presence
When characters you don’t ship have a romantic moment
call her señorita l Shawn Mendes imagine.
summary: she feels like her worst fears are becoming a reality after watching Shawn’s video with Camila Cabello.
She remembers perfectly the day Shawn told her he was making a new song with Camila.
She couldn’t really help the weird feeling that made it through her body, something like electricity as she could barely stop her eyes from closing.
“That’s great, baby. I’m sure it’s going to be a hit.” (Y/N) gave Shawn a tight smile.
Shawn grabbed her hand. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s nothing. I’m happy with you and she’s happy with her boyfriend, we just had this idea…” Shawn started rambling, but she interrupted him.
“Shawn, you don’t have to give me an explanation. I know she’s your friend and I trust our relationship, you don’t have to feel like you’re doing something wrong.” She caressed his cheek.
That conversation had taken place almost nine months ago. Now, she was silently staring at the wall as she watched the music video. Well, at least she tried to after closing her laptop several times when the scenes got too much for her to watch.
She knew she was overreacting, there was nothing to be done and it probably was her mind playing games on her.
but maybe, just maybe… it wasn’t that she was delusional, maybe it was the reality hitting her on the face as she watched her boyfriend with the woman he used to have a crush on and much of the show business world wanted them together.
As if a weird coincidence or conspiracy was playing against her, Alexa started playing the song Why by Shawn, and she truly felt like she could punch a hole through her apartment wall.
She ignored Shawn’s call, knowing it wasn’t going do to any good to have a conversation right now. she simply activated the do not disturb and stared at the ceiling.
She hoped her luck would change by the morning, but she opened the BuzzFeed app to catch up and noticed a headline that caught her attention.
Camila Cabello and her boyfriend have broken up.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
A perfect storm, because she didn’t need to open her Instagram to know that her posts were filled with comments of people telling her to leave Shawn so that he and Camila could finally be together.
She knew she couldn’t keep avoiding Shawn. Warily answering his texts, saying she had fallen asleep last night and wasn’t able to respond. It didn’t take long for Shawn to call her, she sighed before picking up.
“Hey you, you had me worried.” Shawn said and she knew he was sipping on his coffee.
“Hey… I’m sorry, I was just so tired and went to be early.”
“’s okay,” Silence filled the line. “Did you watch the video?” Shawn asked, knowing deep inside of him that she hadn’t been tired last night, she was just ignoring him.
“I did.” She answered too quickly.
Shawn breathed in deeply, “Did you like it?”
“Of course, it was great.”
“(Y/N)…” Shawn closed his eyes and ran a hand through his curls.
“Look, I have a busy day and have to go, sorry.” She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she spoke.
“I know you are not okay.” Shawn insisted.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Her voice raised. “Call me when you know which day you’ll be back, okay?”
Shawn sighed, “okay,” He didn’t know what else to say, “Hey, I love you.”
A smile creeped on her lips, “I love you, Shawn.”
-
An entire day went by and Shawn told her they could spend the weekend together. She knew these days were rare and had to be appreciated deeply, but she couldn’t help the jealousy that cursed her blood as she kept replaying the images of her boyfriend and his friend sharing a couple of tender touches, even if it was a music video.
But she opened Instagram and saw Shawn, Camila and his team posting photos of them when they weren’t rolling. And the one were the entire team that worked on the video and they had their hands linked as Shawn hugged her from behind.
This was more than just jealousy, she felt humiliated in front of the world as now even her friends were calling her and asking if everything was alright, not because of the video, but because of the photo of them after the video.
Maybe now she wasn’t overreacting as tabloids were reaching her to ask her opinion and a confirmation of the end of hers and Shawn’s relationship.
All go these factors combined had as a result that she flinched when Shawn knocked on the door, still carrying his suitcase and wearing a youth hoodie and sweatpants.
He tried to hug her, but her body went rigid the moment his warm body touched hers.
Shawn closed his eyes and sighed, clearly annoyed by the situation.
“You have got to be shitting me, (Y/N).” Shawn told her, harshly letting go of his carry-on suitcase.
“Do not treat me like that.” She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.
“Like what? Like a crazy person? Because you are being crazy and paranoid right now!” Shawn paced around the living room. “Jesus, I can’t believe this is the one weekend off I get and you decide to play the psycho girlfriend.”
Tears built in her eyes. “Oh my God, Shawn. I haven’t said anything, stop treating me like garbage.”
His eyes softened and shook his head. “Hon, I’m sorry, I’m just stressed.”
“Stressed? Have been people calling you in the middle of the night because they want you to confirm you left me for Camila? About what were my thoughts on meeting with Matthew and talk about how you and Camila left us to be together?”
“You should be used to this by now, (Y/N)!” He rubbed his eyes, obvious tiredness hiding behind them.
“Well, I am not! Because you never really gave me a reason to not trust you around other people, but the only thing I’ve felt lately is like a third choice and like trash, because everyone is making me feel like I don’t matter and like I am an obstacle for you and her being together, and you haven’t made it any easier, Shawn!”
“What the fuck do you want me to do?” He laughed humorlessly. “It’s my job, and now I am fucking leaving because clearly you do not want to understand.”
She started crying. “I understand that, I know that it is your job. what I do not understand is why you, and her, and your entire fucking team keeps posting shit with the two of you holding hands while you look at her like you want to fuck her,” She covered her face in a useless attempt to stop her tears. “And not only that, it’s like you are longing for her, and don’t tell me I’m crazy because I know you, Shawn.”
Shawn just stood there, quiet, trying to process his girlfriend’s words. The only thing that reached his ears were the quiet sobs of (Y/N) as she tried to recover her breath to keep talking.
“I’ve grown used to people hating on me. I get it, it’s part of being in love with you, but situations like these make me question if it’s worth it,” She closed her eyes as her breathing quickened. “Now leave, you should enjoy your weekend off.”
Shawn sighed, “I’m not leaving you in this state, (Y/N).”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just please don’t treat me like a mad woman and admit you feel something for her, I know there are songs about her. And after you come to terms with it, you should have the decency to tell me. Talk to you later.”
Shawn was leaving when guilt overtook his senses and made him stop while he was crossing the door.
“I kissed her, while we were filming.”
Suddenly, the tears stopped.
“What?” She mumbled quietly. So quietly he barely heard her.
“It was on the spur of the moment, neither of us planned for it to happen.”
It was her turn to bitterly laugh, “Yet you had the nerve to call me crazy, Shawn. This is so fucked up. How long ago was this?”
Shawn closed his eyes and didn’t want to answer until he heard her yelling for him to tell her.
“Three months ago.”
“Fuck. Shawn, get the fuck out.” She wasn’t crying anymore, because she knew it wasn’t all in her mind.
“No. I have to explain.”
“There’s nothing, Shawn, absolutely nothing you can say that will change my mind.”
“I didn’t want to tell you because it meant nothing. That’s why you don’t have to worry, because I know for a fact that I felt nothing when I kissed her, the only person I want to kiss and love is you.”
“Bullshit. Now, get out.”
“Promise you’ll call before I leave.”
“I don’t have to promise you anything, Shawn. I don’t know if you realize, but you just confessed that you cheated on me. Now, please leave.”
Shawn shook his head before getting out of the apartment, knowing she’d cry herself to sleep and he’d toss and turn knowing he made a mistake.
adoresace-deactivated20201006
“What did it feel like?” She asked, curiosity shining in her eyes. I paused, taking a moment to collect my thoughts. What did it feel like? When we began to talk again? When we began to reignite our lost connection? It felt relieving. It felt comforting. It felt like coming home. It felt like I had been homesick for so long and I had finally come back to the place I loved the most. I felt safe, like the world could never touch me again. I wanted to cocoon myself in your arms and sleep forever, restoring a sense of peace I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It felt like all the pieces of a puzzle coming together, the moment when suddenly a beautiful image is revealed. That’s what it felt like. It felt like I had been lost and I had found my way back right again. It felt like I had been missing something and suddenly it had all come together. It felt like the world suddenly made sense again. You, you were always my rightness in the midst of all the wrongness. You were the rock that grounded me when I wanted to lose myself. I had been so lost and all I wanted was to go home again. You were my home. But how do you find your way back to a home that is no longer welcome to you? How do you make a home out of a person who no longer wants to be a home? Better yet, how do you unmake a home out of a person who no longer wants to be your home? How do you get used to not having a home? How do you find normal when you no longer have anything to pull you back to the ground? How do you find peace when you have no where to rest? If you can give me the answers to these questions, I will never question my pain again.”
— 3:25 am thoughts
“My favorite place to vacation is your bedroom. It’s such a shame you never took me there.”
— © Letters From Alex | Instagram
all I want is to be the one on the other end of a drunk call. To be the one someone else is crying over, just for once. I just want to feel wanted. For once I don't want to be the one left heartbroken.
-writing for the sad
There’s always two sides to the story and you’re not the one that I blame when I tell it.
NF// 4am
TO THE PERSON WHO LOVES HER NEXT
For the love of god please take care of her. Her heart has been damaged by countless others before you, something that I hopelessly wished I could have saved her from. Because holy fuck has she never deserved it. Maybe you don’t know it yet but this girl is going to change your life. She thinks she brings nothing but pain to everyone who touches her. Like a thorn on a rose, something that will make you bleed if you ever hold on too tight. What she doesn’t know is that truly its quite the opposite. Her words are filled music notes and love poems. She is the first fall of snow in the winter, a cold glass of ice tea on a hot summers day. Please protect her with all that you have, be the change in her world she so desperately needs. Show her how good and easy love can be. Because wow will she be worth it. You have no idea.
Pt.5// 4am