lovingly watching my partner try to fit an entire ladle into their mouth
scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple
the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!
God why is this so funny
hypersympathetictelepathic
Fantastic story telling. Not a single word spoken. Beautiful.
The most realistic part is that he was skilled enough to put the keyboard together from memory, but not awake enough to just copy the configuration from the other keyboard he had in front of him
Dont let my intelligence distract from the fact that I'm stupid
High int and low wis
Or high wis and low int?
High int and high wis but terrible, TERRIBLE luck on the rolls
High int and wis, but with permanent disadvantage.
DING DING DING, BABY
Pretty snowflakes on Wiley’s head
Scout, listen to me. It is of the utmost importance that you place a kiss upon Wileys head. And one on her nose.
Ohhh my god. he trying to music like a people
how dull for you to live your life without any hills to die on, you, on your vast flat barren plains of compromise, acceptance, and accommodation, while I reign supreme over the lush, rolling highlands of stupid shit I have irrationally chosen to stake my entire identity on
the Opportunity Rhinoceros proving her worth
Oh she has EYES
What do your guys’ phone cases look like? Describe them and add your sign in the tags
Uh...
Well
Anonymous asked:
Cat, what do you suggest for someone who had a really bad day?
worry not for im know somebeody whom is expert in vanquishinge bad days
he is beinge summoned. remain calmb
cousin bartók is arrivinge imminently !
cousin bartók have arrived bearinge mighty furs & soothinge gift of moss. bad days are now vanquished permanentlé
Look at all the fucks I DO give
Look at them. Look at all the fucks I give. I have stopped letting my field lie barren and have begun to cultivate and to nourish and to grow. Behold the field where I grow my fucks, and see that it is green again, tentative and struggling but in bloom. I have realized that the enemy is apathy. That the sickness of our world is not the few who will commit evil, but the many that will look away. I have realized there is nothing of strength or resistance in letting the dirt crack and parch in a time of drought.
So I have chosen, bucket by heavy bucket, to water this ground, to work day by day with dirty nails and aching limbs to nurture fragile green leaves to struggle against the sun. I have chosen to care because the desert heat will not.
I have chosen to struggle against this remorseless wasteland. Behold the field where I grow my fucks, and see that the fruit is ripening! Tomorrow hungry people will pass, starving not for want of food, but starving for someone to care.
And behold, I will open up my gate to them. I have chosen. If I can, when I can,
I will give a fuck.
You are not “unnatural” or “bad” if you
- Have low to no empathy
- Have hyper-empathy
- Have a personality disorder
- Have more than one person in your mind
- Have scary/violent thoughts
- Don’t have the energy for interaction every day
- Can’t take a shower/brush your teeth very often
- Don’t like certain noises/textures
- Don’t want to forgive them
- Know you did nothing wrong
- Love yourself
literal tears streaming down my face
can confirm
