“Denial was when I didn’t make such a big deal about it. It was when I was too confident into thinking nothing would change. Denial was when I hanging by a thread, not wanting to let go, in fear of losing you. It was when I blamed myself for our shortcoming. It was when I was so confused, I just wanted to avoid you. Denial was when I never listened to anyone who gave a fuck, when I should have. Anger was when I constantly wait for you to reply to me. Anger was when you pretended like you never remembered any of the secrets I ever told you. Anger was what I felt when you gave me the cold shoulder. It was when I was so frustrated because no matter what I did, you never really seemed to care. Anger was when I began to feel embarrassed because I was the one chasing somebody who clearly could care less about me. It was when I realized my anxiety of having to live life without you had only seemed to grow for the past months. Depression was when I gave up. Depression was becoming too overwhelmed about this new life and new friends and new everything, and I don’t seem to fit in anymore. It was when I fully accepted that we were over, that you and I are no longer something I should make such a big deal about. Depression was when I was hopeless. I thought I could never come back to true happiness, and not just a pleasure that passes. Depression was when I could no longer think of anyone but you, and not having anyone to talk to about it because I felt like nobody would understand. Bargaining was a few months later. Bargaining was when I explained everything to Mom. It was like the feeling of seeing a speck of light in the midst of total darkness. Bargaining was when I weighed the pros and cons. It was trying, desperately, for more than 3 attempts, to find all the patches and sew my life back together. Bargaining was reaching out to people who have a similar story, and connect with them. Bargaining was when I started to feel better. Acceptance is today. Acceptance does not necessarily mean that my love for you is now a fire in my heart that I’ve managed to extinguish, no, Acceptance is learning that I have a whole life ahead of me, and I shouldn’t let someone hinder me from any sort of happiness that I could have experienced. Acceptance is writing about someone else. Acceptance is finally having a new plan. It doesn’t always take us to places where we want to go or to things we desperately want to happen, but it teaches us the value of taking chances and maybe hit a few detours in life. Acceptance was finally welcoming someone new, and allow him to love the bruised, beaten, heart with a fire so strong inside. Most importantly, acceptance was finally getting over you.” it took me two years but i can finally say this is the last one i’ll write for you