♡FAIRYLAND♡

Unknown (via deeplifequotes)

do you ever use music as a way to measure time

Always

does anyone else feel like they constantly have to justify everything they do? Iike I’m always mentally preparing a reason behind everything just in case anyone was to question it.

You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.

Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.

I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.

WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER

Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.

I love Joe Biden so much

Skipping a rock on a frozen lake sounds absolutely insane.

The sneaky fart at the end always gets me 😂

I CAN’T. THE FART. I’M DYING

the fart ISNT EVEN SNEAKY

this baby already got an attitude i’m weak

Wow dude. Wow.

they are not fucking around

Warsan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love (via fisnikjasharii)

Don’t forget to set your clocks back 40 years tonight.

Done

Chinua Achebe (via ohteenscanrelate)

New art space ft starry night tea pot and teacup succulents ✨💕

college???????? living on my own????????? paying taxes??????

If we don’t accept refugees because 2 out of 100 M&M’s are poisoned then why is it OK the have “a few bad apples” in a police department?

The best part about never lying is that every now and then you can lie and no one suspects you.

Church is just the world’s biggest book club.

How I Met Your Mother is a show about a father telling his kids about every woman he’s slept with in the last 25 years