Asscheek Extravaganza

do people on tumblr like. realize that friendships arent therapy

this is how yall end up going around calling every ex-friend your abuser. its nice for your friends to be able to drop everything for you when youre having a bad time, but its literally NOT mandatory. your friends should not have to ignore their own problems to fix yours. get some therapy.

as a friend, you are allowed to say “i would really love to help you right now, but i cant push back my own issues to help you. im going through my own problems right now, and thats what i need to focus on”. it is NOT selfish. you arent going to be of any help to the people you care about if youre in bad shape and not taking care of yourself. its only going to make you worse for wear.

would you invite them to your island?

I thought there might be a lot of other people who would benefit from reading this, too.

(Original tweet.)

This is it, this is Lockdown 2020.mp4

You wake in the night with your arm hanging over the side of your bed. It is still dark, and your bedroom is shrouded in deep shadow. Something unseen seizes your hand.

You grasp it tightly, knowing that first impressions are important and a firm, confident handshake will establish dominance.

A hollow voice echos under your bed, shaking you to your core, “You’re hired.”

And so I Finished Playing Doom Eternal and will be starting on a new leaf soon.. (after this pandemic of course..)

i know i wouldnt survive in an austen novel because someone would be britishly, discretely rude to me and i would be completely unable to restrain myself from calling them a cunt to their face

my detested rival: why, madam, you look so drawn and pale today! does the small size of your estate not give you enough freedom to take in the sun?

me: listen you waxy, lemon-faced bitch,,

Rich, eccentric, elderly widow Lady peering over at the conversation: That one. That one shall be my heir.

obsessed with the idea of angels seeing the first human death. 

ITS JUST SO FUNNY LIKE EJJFJWKIFIIF

angels see a human die for the first time and be like “thats wild lmao wyd after this?”

the angels watching Cain kill Abel:

looks like a gta online lobby

napoleon dynamite 2017

Dexter’s out of the lab and into the club

kiss your dog on its wittle head

thats an order, Private.

what if I only have cats

you givin me lip, soldier?

drop and give me 50 smooches on that puddy tat's forehead right now!

At least show us the bison!

https://mobile.twitter.com/YellowstoneNPS/status/1244684209576239109

i’m your biggest fan

what it's like to play animal crossing

This should be it's official commercial.

the  s c i e n c e  t e a m!!

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

NOT RISKING IT