please help me with my struggle

hello, i know this isnt the right place for this but i am struggling and need some help. i am manic and suffering from many problems. disablity is on the way so if anyone sends me money i will send them back the same amount or more. i am just trying everything i can to get help and im embarrssed that i have to do this.https://www.paypal.me/RAkker some one please help me

loving someone who will never love me.

i've spent the last 8 months with someone soooo amazing, so beautiful, perfect, yeah yeah i know no ones perfect but to me she is. her personailty is truely amazing. i am lucky to know this person.  however i hurt almost everyday. she cant love me. but i love her so much. i havent loved anyone in a really long time. im to scared of being hurt. i tried so hard to not love her to just be a good friend. then the more time i spent with her the more i fell for her. the more i got attached to her. i dont regret a single thing since i meant her. im glad i fell for her. i just hate that she cant love me at all. but its okay. she knows im okay with everything. she doesnt realize how much im hurting. how much i cry, i am a terrible friend to her i get jealous when she hangs out with her friends. im so friend zoned she use to be cute with me. but i fucked that up. i want her back i want things how they were. i understand now more then ever that she dont love me. im always honest with my feelings. my heart hurts. worse part is, i dont have anyone to blame but myself. she will always be in my heart. ill always be there for her. id take her pain away, if i could. id do anything to make her happy. she is my best friend, my gaming partner. my most favorite person on this earth. i cannot be honest with her. she cant find about how much im hurting. she never meaent for me to fall for her. no one reads my blog . i dont want anyone too. this is really meant for just me to read later on.  like a journal. i dont want her to romanticly love me, i just want her to go Man , i love you,as friends. or someting. i dont know. yeah i romanticly love her, but i also love her as a friend. i can't tell if she loves me the same awy.  i dont know if she apprirates me. sometimes i can but other times i cant. i hope she does. her and my mom is all i got now. 11 01 15

I am still alive

i am going to be posting more, i promise, lots going on. cant wait to post more stuff

fucking amazing

Helping those that need it the most

Why are so many people suffering? it makes me so sad to see so many broken hearts and sadness. i log on to facebook and its all i see is sadness. i walk to the store i see so many homeless people. why is this? why are people not helping each other? im sick of seeing people suffer! its so sad, the bullying. nothings wrong with innocent trolling (fun) but i mean personal attacks is sad. ive never had much trouble with people, but if i did i would want someone to talk to about it. so i want to start some kind of group thing. if need someone to talk to send me a direct message on twitter. and ill help you the best way i can. relationship advice? ill help! need to vent !? ill help!! i promise im here for evey person. i dont care if your gay or bi or w/e. i want to help. i love people and i want to do more for people. i have had help and i want to help!!!! stay safe and stay awesome, when you doubt remember people love you. people care. 

Where has Loed Kane been?

Hello! Good Morning my friends, How have you been? This is my first post in a long time. I decided to quit eve i got sick of having to grind for a plex. eve was just not fun anymore. then one day i realize how i miss my friends in new eden. i love my friends they are really important to me. i then tweeted that i missed them and a friend got in touch with me and sent me a plex. now i need to figure out what to do. i think i want to build a 00 corp living out of npc. but i have no isk no assets and no people to join me on this great space adventure. I will update this blog more. less personal stuff and more eve stuff. i still play on a crappy so no videos. some day ill have a computer that lets me make videos. its kinda of a dream of mine. to make amazing videos like the dronelands video. but i dont have a computer that can handle that stuff. the angel project turned 1 the other day. its pretty awesome what she does for the newbies. ive always wanted to do something like that. maybe ill adopt a newbie and show them how to do stuff. this is just a quick post i hope you all have a amazing day! stay safe stay awesome!