soph !!

thats me in the corner, thats me in the spotlight losing my religion

hmmm

mad max

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

op change your url

my mum knew i was sad so she went out and when she came back inside she called me up to her room and showed me this

I would let a racoon do surgery on me

Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low low cost of a cold pizza slice

you do realize where racoons' little hands have been right

is that the...only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant?

Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they’s called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!

Well! you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe!

where is the raccoon getting the heart

don't worry about it

Me and the boys on our way to respect women

Love me a man that can shoot himself ass first through a suspended hoop

My employer reading my work experience off my resume

god telling me why she chose to welcome me into heaven 

#my first hour after getting the Pfizer vaccine

He ‘buries’ coffee because he doesn’t like the smell. 

(via)

I fucking love jock villagers in animal crossing they're just like, "what is UP bro your triceps are looking particularly radiant today. Take this DIY card. Love you bro"

i will go and talk to a jock villager and he’ll be like “when i was on my FORTY-SEVENTH RUN AROUND THE ENTIRE ISLAND of the morning, an EPIPHANY struck me” and then he’ll give me a bamboo coat rack

Blessed Milk

im a vegan

There is a flower shop in Portland that had to close due to the COVID19 pandemic. Instead of ditching their entire supply of flowers, they decided to beautify the city and put gorgeous flower arrangements all over Portland.

The way Celeste looks at the stars in the sky makes me want to fucking SOB

i want someone to look at me the same way celeste looks at the stars

Best experience at Starbucks is when you say the names of two items and the customer says “what’s the difference?” because either 1) you get a chance to educate someone about coffee, which is fun as long as they’re interested or 2) you have a funny story to tell later about the idiot in the drive-thru.

Situation one:

Customer: hello, I’m not really sure what I want today. Do you have anything hot that tastes like caramel?

Me: Absolutely, caramel lattes and caramel macchiatos are both very popular drinks.

Customer: Oh, what’s the difference?

Me: Well, caramel lattes are made with milk over caramel syrup and espresso, and caramel macchiatos are made with caramel drizzle and espresso over milk and vanilla syrup. They both come hot or iced. :)

Customer: Thank you! I think I will try the hot caramel macchiato :)

Me: Okay, sounds good! :)

Situation two:

Customer: I want a latte.

Me: Okay, and would you like that hot or iced today?

Customer: What’s the difference?

Me: …

Me: One is……. hot……. and the other one is…….. iced.

Are straight white people okay????

What is this?!

People like this exist. Interesting.

this story has a part 2

my boy ratatouille livin the good life im happy for him

So many great moments on Bob’s Burgers, this is one of the best. It’s my fav.

^^^^

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

This is such a great show!!!!!

I need to use the subway more

I love how most of these pictures are of the NY subway bc yeah New York really is just Like That, take it from someone who rides the subway frequently