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Aria Stark ;

@livingdeadbody

"Save me if I become my demons."
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Have you ever?

Have you ever had thoughts to kill someone or some people? Like you suddenly just imagined stabbing them while the blood gush out off their bodies and squirt on your arms and face? Or you'd just use a gun with a silencer and point it to those motherfuckers who tried to give you traumas and anxieties in life? Or suddenly pull out a fire and pretend that it was unintentional?
Because I... have those thoughts randomly rushing in and out of my brain suddenly popping out every now and then. I badly wanna kill someone. I know it's too gore and you might think of me as a psychopath and shit like that but would you not do it if you'd been living in hell your whole life? I'm still scared of the possibilities but the urge is too strong. Too strong I just cut myself and hurt myself instead until my emotions explode like a soda that has too many mentol candies inside.
Just a random thought passing my deadass fucked-up brain...

Harmful Thoughts

I'd like to scratch myself until I can see myself ripped off and bleeding.
I'd like to cut myself until I can be scanned to every part of my body.
I'd like to bang myself on the wall until I feel numb and helpless.
I'd like to punch myself multiple times until bruises and spoils are visible.
I'd like to overdose myself with pills until I sleep forever.
I'd like to kill someone.
I'd like to kill.
I'd like to.
I'd like.
I.
I am better off alone and without here.
I am fucking tired.
I am sick of surviving and keep going.
I am drained.
I am not happy.
I am not okay.
When did I ever become okay?
To what extent should I say that I'm still okay?
What are the reasons why should I be okay?
Where would I get motivations to be okay?
When can I say I'm truly okay?

- J. El

Anonymous asked:

What language are you speaking?

I'm fluently speaking English and Filipino. A bit of Spanish. Hahahaa

livingdeadbody
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cxymercado

Day 1: Write 10 interesting facts about yourself Day 2: Where you’d like to be in 10 years Day 3: Your top 5 must read books and top 5 must watch movies/series Day 3: 3 advices you always give to people (including yourself) Day 4: Your views on marriage Day 5: Your views on suicide and if ever there was a time you considered to commit one Day 6: Your current relationship / If single, discuss how the single life is Day 7: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life Day 8: How you hope your future will be like Day 9: A quote you try to live by Day 10: Put your music player on shuffle and write the 10 songs that pops up Day 11: “What if” moment you always think about Day 12: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit Day 13: Your earliest memory Day 14: Your top 5 favorite tumblrs Day 15: Recipe for a healthy relationship  Day 16: Things you want to improve with yourself Day 17: A letter to someone (anyone) Day 18: Things that scare you Day 19: What you think humanity needs most Day 20: One of your favorite shows Day 21: How have you changed in the past 2 years Day 22: Make a confession of your choice Day 23: Your favorite movie and what it’s about Day 23: Someone who facinates you and why Day 24: Your insecurity/insecurities Day 25: What you would do if you win the lottery Day 26: Something that you miss Day 27: One superpower you wish to have and why (except time travelling) Day 28: If you can travel back in time, what will you change and why Day 29: Goals for the next 30 days Day 30: Your highs and lows for this month

I’ve been meaning to blog actively since forever but I always lack motivation and my thoughts seem to tangle twice as much when I find the time to blog so here we go! Also tagging my personal friends bcs I’m desperate to motivate them to blog wee. 🤗 Will start this on Jan 1.

Disclaimer: I got most of the items here from other blogging challenges out there but I also added some on my own. Credits go to them.

P.S. If you also want to do this challenge, pls tag me! I’ll follow. 🌿

Consistency is the key, people.

caramelbar

Doing this just because✨

Wooh! May gagawin na naman akong 30 day blog challenge!

gawin ko kaya to? hahaha

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urlnomore

Sana magawa ko HAHADHAHHAHA

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livingdeadbody

I'll try to do this hahaha

i'm so tired understanding people while no one doesn't even try to really understand me

i'm so tired meeting expectations that is high as the highest building

i'm so tired telling to myself that i should still fight even my mind says i can't anymore

I'm so tired asking for help but no one really hears it

i'm so tired on always taking the blame just to make it alright or fix a problem

i'm so tired obeying the "shoulds" and "musts" in order to not make my parents upset or disappointed on me

i'm so tired crying silently and keeping my emotions to myself because I don't wanna be burden or I don't want my parents to get mad at me by crying out loud

i'm so tired being a student

I'm so tired being the eldest daughter

i'm so tired being me

i'm so tired being myself

i'm just so tired

firsttimesshouldbegreat
firsttimesshouldbegreat
I want the time, when I’m with you, to not end. Let’s sip a cup of coffee. Let’s talk about how our days went today. Why can’t we talk about why a lonely man prefers to walk at night, how lonely the highway is, why some men put their hands on pockets when walking, why stars seem blinking at night sky, or how mountains are formed. Let’s argue why extroverts, no matter how much they try, will never fully understand us.
I want to listen to your stories even if they’re just about your childhood or your most embarrassing moment or your most unforgettable memory during your grade school days. Let’s laugh and reminisce life together.
Let’s talk about nonsense things. Let’s talk about everything. Let’s talk about us.
About us.