Liver and Chianti

this has been done to me enough times that I felt compelled to make a stupid powerpoint.  I have no life

Bringing this back because RIP meatloaf

*says ‘I’m so fucking sick of this pandemic shit’ in a distinctly vaccinated, pro mask, pro lockdown, pro taking all the necessary safety measures way*

I love mulder. he’s just like, I don’t need friends 🙄🙄 I have ONE 😒

got a book about computers from 2000 for my birthday

spooky season? you mean an entire month dedicated to fox “spooky” mulder?

people who have been on this site for 5-10 consecutive years should get an award or something…we’re all mindlessly blogging on this dead website for FREE

i wish you kinder, softer days that put your heart at ease

Krycek all cleaned up in a suit looks like a wax figure. Get some dirt on this guy it's flattering to his features

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

there are only two genders: frog and pig

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

oh god

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

This is the worst addition to this post

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

i think you are all forgetting some crucial information here:

So, Glumshoe and @sailor-lady asked if there was a ritual where they invited a hand to animate their children.

Muppet Babies is canon.

and i dont see any fucking hands.

This has dark implications all over it.

@therobotmonster im just saying, if i offered you $200 and a pizza of your choosing, whats the best headcanon you would come up with for my proposed issue?

I can circle that square with a few pieces of canon. We start out with Kermit on SNL:

The muppets are a form of life, perhaps not quite like our own, but one with its own orders and genuses and the like. Robin goes from tadpole to frog stage on Muppet Babies, after all, that’s a biological life process. Note that muppets keep sewing/stitching/hand jokes to a minimum, that’s because they aren’t puppets, they just resemble them. 

The hand-thing presumes muppets work like toons from Roger Rabbit or toys from Toy Story, where they’re made by people an incarnated. I propose they are like Pokemon, a separate, parallel classification of life that exists alongside what we would call natural life. As with Pokemon, these lifeforms are not the result of a parallel evolution. Rather, their various kinds were created by some manner of God. We know these exist in the Muppet canon, as Big Bird argued the Egyptian Pantheon into letting a child ghost into the afterlife that one time. 

Personally, as the essence of being a muppet is your greatest motivation being your greatest weakness, I blame the demiurge. 

But you can blame Gonzo’s people or the aholes that are made of a Skexis and a Mystic, but not the Goblin King (he is a rogue memetic construct, what some might wrongly label a ‘tulpa’).  It’s also possible they crossed over from the Gorg world. (but that does not preclude them from also being the creations of the demiurge)

This is not to say that muppets are inherently magic, any more than say, a hobbit or a goblin is “magic” in Lord of the Rings. They are simply created beings that thereafter reproduce after their own kind. Emmit Otter and his Ma, the fact that “Monster” and “grouch” are explicitly races in Sesame Street, etc. 

Now, I hear you saying, “but therobotmonster@tumblr.com, you handsome madman, we just pointed out that Fozzie and Kermit have a green half-bear/half-frog father!”

Yes. In a movie.

Because the Muppets are actors. 

Muppets (the order of life) and the Muppets (the comedy/acting troupe), are different things. The former contains the latter but the latter does not contain all of the former. In essence, Kermit named his endeavor “The People’s Theater”. 

Breaks down like this: You have our, real world universe. Within that is nested a universe that is much like ours, except it is sillier, and Muppets are creatures and not special effects. Within that are nested the fictional worlds of all the various muppet productions. 

For further proof, I present these bloopers from Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas:

It is uncertain how much of the Muppet ouvre is canonical ‘behind the scenes’ and how much is constructed entertainment provided by the Muppet organization, because of one deep wrinkle we haven’t touched on...

Kayfabe.

Kermit is hard-core about Kayfabe. He comes from a Vaudeville theater background, the 4th wall does not exist in his performance ethos, the show must go on, and the rubes getting a peek behind the curtain doesn’t get you off that hook.

All your Muppet-troupe core performers stick close to this ethos, ensuring you can never be quite certain on what level of reality the scene you’re being presented with is intended to be.Any specific example that conflicts with the others cannot be shown not to just be another straight-faced performance. 

It’s not an unreliable narrator, everyone is unreliable, from the producer on down to the go-fer.

Don’t blame me, blame the Demiurge.

(Here’s my Gofundme.)

This....THIS is what tumblr was made for

Private blogging, it’s a vibe. But some innermost thoughts deserve to be just that: inner. Very, very inner. Now, imagine the perfect complementary app to this one (hellsite). With absolute encryption (for superior secrecy levels), an allowance of thirty photos per entry (for all the moments), even email and text integration (text yourself whenever you feel like it). Yeah, that’s what this is:

Day One (not a hellsite) has joined our family at Automattic. That means Day One (not a hellsite) has joined your family, Tumblr. And that means the universe is telling you to try journaling.

There’s no such thing as cringe in a private journal; it’s all just ~intimacy~. And checking in with yourself in a solo space that looks nice and feels nice. With zero chance of your secrets, the Story of You, or your WIPs reaching other readers unless, or until, you want them to. (No, really. It’s all utterly encrypted.)

Try it out, and never accidentally post something wildly personal on main again. (You’re free to keep doing it on purpose here, though.)

Did anyone else read this in the Cecil/Nightvale voice? There's comforting words written in a very unsettling manner

On god.

wow i hate your fucking shoelaces

happy impeachment everyone

i would literally kill to walk around in a museum or a library right now. don’t even talk to me about coffee shops unless you want me to cry. god I miss being out and about

I agree that tumblr is objectively the best social media right now but we CANNOT let this go to our heads. If we act like this site is anything more than trash our hubris will lead to tragedy

It's hard to explain how alienating the media has been this year as an "essential worker". Every single piece of media produced this year is about how "we're all" stuck inside all the time now, and I'm just like..... I got two weeks at home when I actually had covid and otherwise have gone to work every single day I normally would. All these adverts and news show lines about how we're all in this together and we're all spending our days baking banana bread and zoom calling and all this and I'm like..... Well, not all of us I guess. And it's weirdly alienating and makes you feel weird and cut off

we need to talk about this more. being forgotten by capitalism is deeply terrifying, because when we’re not marketable we don’t exist.

I don’t even know anyone irl whose lives have been truly disrupted like that, who’ve only been leaving their house for groceries or food and to come back or whatever. Literally everyone I know is an essential worker. No one at any point worked from home. It’s been plainly spelled out that I and everyone I love are completely disposable in such a blatant way.

We straight up aren't considered people, just fleshy robots who exist in the background

The navy literally knowingly sent people underway without testing sailors and acted surprised when entire crews got sick...as long as mission is accomplished and money is made, essential workers will just be replaced or overworked. Hell, even people who aren't essential are still working because they either can't afford not to or because their company has done some major backflips to be declared essential

I HAVE WAITED ALL YEAR TO POST THIS

I love this