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Fat, Depressed, And Fucked Up

@littleemo-kitten-blog

I'm just a teenage girl living in this fucked up world I was stuck in. Need to be skinny, goal weight-95 current weight~160.

Are You Dissociating?

Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.

You may be dissociating if you:

  • find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything
  • feel completely numb
  • feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.
  • feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy
  • lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on
  • feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream
  • feel like you’re floating 
  • suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you
  • feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you
  • are very startled when someone/something gets your attention
  • completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago
  • suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason
  • can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live
  • find yourself rocking back and forth
  • become very focused on a small or trivial object or event
  • find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.
  • feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.
  • perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you

(likes and reblogs always taken as support)

What people made me think the ana community was like: OMG you’re SO FAT. HOW COULD YOU EAT OVER YOUR CALORIE LIMIT! You should fast now! You can do SO much better.

What the ana community actually is: Oh my love, please eat. Are you okay? Do you need to talk? You’re so beautiful and you will see it one day. You are so strong and you will get through this. You deserve recovery.

you ever been so stressed that youre calm

this is my constant state

my chill is fake

“How are you so calm?!” “I’ve passed beyond stressed, beyond hysteria, into the grey misty indifference of complete shutdown of all but emergency services in my brain.”

Sometimes I hate how much you trust me. Take my phone. Look through all my saved pictures. Scroll through the endless thinspo and realize how truly fucked your only daughter is. But then again. You are the one who told that same daughter to starve herself and be anorexic do she could fit in the dress "just like all those other girls." So who would you care that your daughter cries every night clawing at the excess skin and fat on her body. How she cringes every time someone "praises" her for her thigh thighs. After all, "thick thighs make the dick rise."

'Goodnight, sleep well' he said. 'goodbye' I told him. He never noticed the difference.

Words I'll never speak #1

Attention

Am I not obvious enough when I'm upset? Do you not notice when my mood switches from happy and laughing to emotionless and distant? When I go from speaking full sentences to barely saying 2 word answers? Why is it the only time you seem to notice something is wrong is if I'm crying or blatantly telling you you upset me or that I want to die? That I no longer want to live in this fucked up world I was stuck in? For once I just want someone to notice. Unfortunately the only one who seems to care enough to notice my mood changes is also the one that I dated before you. I don't regret ending it with him I just miss someone caring enough to notice when I'm not my happy carefree self. I just miss being important. These are all just more things to list of what I'll never tell you for fear of upsetting you...

I really love touching. It doesn’t always have to be in a sexual way, it could be like you sitting next to me and our knees touching a little or you putting your hand on my mine, little things like that mean so much to me and I crave it, all the fucking time, it drives me insane.

I'll never have this if I don't fix myself...nobody wants a fat bitch that can't even sit down without almost breaking a chair

As you get older, you really start to understand more about why people drink the night away, smoke their lungs black, or throw themselves off buildings.

(via alunit)