dad: why are you drinking coffee at 10pm?
me: time is an illusion. once you realize that, you can transcend, and live in bliss
me: *takes sip*
me: also i have a 10 page paper due in the morning that i haven't started
911 hey i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again
you ever see a new post on your dash that you know is destined for greatness and it only has like 40 notes and as you reblog it you feel like a wealthy heiress in 1924 wearing wide-legged trousers to a soiree knowing you’re one of the first to show off the latest trend
this post is gaining traction so reblog now before it loses its virile youth
“Not all men” I say, “there is but one who is purely good.” But which man am I referring to? In Iceland, deep in the woods and the snow, there lives a lad raised by wolves who feasts upon sunbeams and loves all of nature, unburdened by man’s sins. Tenderly, he strokes a hungry squirrel, sharing with her the last acorns of the autumn harvest. A tear rolls down his cheek. Who is he
ok-fandom
I woke up out of a dead sleep to make this and then immediately passed back out
The woman I’m planning to marry showed me this pebble that looks like a guitar pick and with an entirely straight face said “it’s for rock music.”
marry her faster
the dude who invented the rule about holding hands during a seance after noticing he’s sitting next to the guy he likes: oh haven’t you heard?
