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alissa

@lipgloss-covered-magnet

i love ur eyes; the way they look when ur uncomfortable ♡
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lipgloss-covered-magnet
tapemymouthshut16

things i’m looking forward to when i reach my gw/ugw

  • having to keep pulling up my pants
  • having to buy belts to hold up my jeans
  • being able to feel every single one of my vertebrae’s
  • people can easily pick me up without complaining
  • th1n thighs
  • being able to read the look of jealousy on girls faces
  • sharper jawline
  • my butt hurting from sitting in a chair during class
  • reducing the usage of body wash in the shower
  • “when’s the last time you’ve ate?” “go eat a cheeseburger”
  • being able to wrap my fingers around my upper arm
  • having control
  • layering up on clothes
  • everything looks baggy on me
  • being the th!nspø
  • feeling pretty, confidence
  • not being able to find small enough clothing sizes
  • finally being happy with the number on the scale
  • sc@rs more visible
  • just imagine what other girls are thinking in their heads.. “what does she/he do to get that sk1nny?” “ i wish i were them.”
  • becoming obsessed over yourself bc of how gorgeous you are
  • being able to count every single individual rib
imagine that you’ve been handcuffed and you can slip your wrists out with ease
lipgloss-covered-magnet
depresseddarknesss
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wishing-for-deathx

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.