Thjs is so fucking funny to me help
I cried.

whats the difference between outlaws and inlaws
outlaws are wanted
come on reblog this my grandma told me this joke and was convinced she was going to be famous on tumblr for it
every time my mom and grandma get into an argument my grandma says “excuse me pamela i am famous on the tumbler”
Took just the right amount of time. Def worth spending my morning doing this lol
PS plugging/ unplugging the charger makes one of the killing sounds 😂
Def yellow 😂😂🤷🏼♀️💛
“Magnus—“
Magnus sits up on the couch, suddenly alert at the way Alec’s voice trembles on the other end of the line.
“Alexander,” he says, “where are you? Is everything alright?”
Alec doesn’t answer immediately. Magnus hears the telltale sound of a seraph blade in the background of the call and then the closer hitch of Alec’s breath.
“Oh God,” he hears Alec whisper, “fuck.”
“Where are you?” Magnus repeats, heart hammering. He’s never heard Alec sound like that. So scared.
“I—“ Alec cuts himself off and takes a deep shuddering breath, “46th and 10th.”
Magnus stays on the phone as he conjures a portal and steps through without hesitation. He steps out into complete chaos.
There’s blood and ichor mixed on the asphalt and Jace is a whirlwind of righteousness, blades hacking through demons at inhuman speed. He looks furious.
Magnus finds Alec on the ground and his heart seizes when he sees the amount of blood seeping into the asphalt around him.
“Alexander!”
He falls to his knees beside Alec, magic already summoned. He stutters when he sees Isabelle laid out in the pool of blood. She’s deathly pale, a gash in her chest that’s steadily leaking blood.
Alec’s soaked in it, clutching at Izzy’s hand and looking younger than Magnus has ever seen him look.
“Magnus,” he begs, “please.”
Magnus looks back at Izzy, meets her eyes, and has to blink back his own tears at the resignation he finds in them. He can see the multiple desperately drawn iratzes on her skin. It hasn’t done anything to stop the bleeding. Magnus lays a hand on her chest and concentrates hard on knitting the skin back together even though he knows it’s useless.
She knows she’s going to die.
A tear slips down Magnus’ cheek but he keeps his eyes shut and tries to concentrate.
“It’s not working,” Alec says, voice catching over a sob, “why isn’t it working?”
Magnus opens his eyes and looks down at Izzy. Somehow she gathers the strength to send him a smile.
“It’s okay,” she says quietly.
“Iz—“ Alec sounds wrecked. He brings his other hand up to clutch Izzy’s fingers between both hands like he’s holding on for dear life.
The sounds of demons quiet behind them and Magnus hears more than sees Jace slide onto his knees at Izzy’s other side.
Magnus watches the way he looks to Alec first. The way his expression crumbles when he sees that Alec’s eyes are brimming with tears.
He takes Izzy’s other hand and squeezes it.
“C’mon Iz,” he says quietly, desperately, “ you’re tough. It’s not that bad.”
Izzy turns to look at him, wincing at the effort.
“Jace,” she says, the single word filled with such affection that Jace seems to shudder at it. His tears end up on Izzy’s blood splattered wrist.
“Isabelle.”
“Promise to keep my whip safe?”
“Stop it,” Jace grits out, “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Alec says vehemently. To convince them or himself, Magnus doesn’t know.
Magnus’ tears slip down his cheek when he sees the utter anguish Alec has on his face. His tears haven’t fallen but Magnus knows it’s only because he’s fighting hard to stay calm.
“It’s—it’s going to be okay,” Alec repeats, sounding like he can’t breathe.
“It has to be—“ he looks down at Izzy who’s every blink is getting slower and slower, “I—“
“Alec,” Izzy’s voice cuts him off. It’s strained from pain and wavering slightly. There are tears in her eyes as well. Magnus’ chest aches.
He watches Alec’s grip on Izzy’s hand tighten, both of their fingers stained with blood.
“I love you,” Izzy says quietly. Alec and Jace both shudder. Jace mutters a desperate no, voice wet.
They’re her last words.
The night goes silent when Izzy’s eyes slip closed. No one speaks. Both Jace and Alec’s heads are bowed, hands still in Izzy’s slack ones.
Magnus has experienced too much loss in his life. He should be accustomed to it by now. And yet, everytime it still feels like a knife to his heart.
Alec is the first to move. He lets go of Izzy’s hand, placing it gently on her stomach, and calmly stands. Jace doesn’t look up, but Magnus follows Alec’s movement. Alec walks slowly over to where he’d left his bow and picks it up, staring at it unseeingly.
Magnus jumps when Alec hurls the bow at the wall with a fury Magnus doesn’t think he’s ever seen in him.
“Fuck!”
Alec’s voice echoes in the empty street. Jace finally lifts his head up from Izzy’s body and looks at Alec, fury and pain warring in his eyes.
Alec’s anger doesn’t last long. He crumples when he meets Jace’s eyes and Magnus only barely lunges forward in time to catch him as he sinks to his knees.
“Alexander,” Magnus says quietly, hand coming up to cup the back of Alec’s head. Alec drops his face into Magnus’ chest. He doesn’t quite cry but his breathing is labored and shaky.
Magnus blinks against tears, pulling him closer. He looks up to find Jace staring at the two of them. There are tear tracks down his cheeks. He hasn’t let go of Izzy’s hand.
It takes a heartbreakingly short amount of time for Alec to get himself under control. He pulls away from Magnus’ chest, face hard. It’s a look reminiscent from when Magnus had first met him. It’s the way he looks when he’s hiding his pain. Magnus’ heart breaks for him all over again.
Alec walks over to Jace and drops a hand to his shoulder. Jace looks like he’s similarly trying to hide his emotion but isn’t doing as good of a job as Alec is.
These Shadowhunters and their hearts. These Shadowhunters who know every time they step out into the field that this could happen. These Shadowhunters that are still devastated when it does.
Alec and Jace look at each other for a long moment, having a sort of silent conversation Magnus will never understand. And then Alec nods, slipping a hand still slick with Izzy’s blood into Jace’s.
“Ave atque vale, Isabelle Lightwood,” they say in one shaky voice.
Jace’s voice catches on Izzy’s name and Magnus sees the split second where Alec loses his careful hold on himself. A terrible, broken second where Magnus can see straight through him, before it’s gone.
Jace folds himself into Alec’s arms. Alec can’t seem to get out the words to finish. When his eyes meet Magnus’ over Jace’s head Magnus nods once at him and says what both Alec and Jace can’t bring themselves to say.
“Hail and farewell.”
Why is someone chopping onions on Tumblr? 🥺
It’s too early for this 💔😭
Did he get a nose job...?
the ‘im a show AND book stan and im real goddamn tired of these fandom clowns getting into it all the time’ meme pack
and one more cause im gonna get burned at the stake for this ajsksjsksjsk
Fuck I’m at a fencing tournament and literally a minute after I reblogged this my dad told me that he talked to the point people and I’m probably going to win a medal.
BURN BAGEL BURN
OH WHY NOT?
I need to follow up to say I reblogged this last night, and this morning I got some of the best news of my life, like, a life dream come true news thing.
Bagel what are your powers
FUCK, I though it was just another lucky meme but LISTEN. Since a week ago I was waiting a phone call to confirm me if I got a job or not in my university. I reblogged this yesterday’s night “just for fun and because I don’t want any bagel to be mad with me”, and today’s afternoon, while I was losing my time as always, the professor I was supposed to work with called me and asked me for my personal information to start working with her.
THE BAGEL POWERS ARE WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS WORLD
I GOT A JOB THE DAY AFTER MY QUEUE POSTED THIS THE FIRST TIME AND I JUST REALIZED IT WHEN I SAW IT AGAIN HOLY GOD
The bagel hasn’t let me down yet!
I got a job offer after reblogging the bagel. Believe in the bagel!
Worth a try lol
i could use some good news or even a good girl
Go lil bagle! Show me your power!
Okii then!
THIS IS THE FIRST THING ON MY BLOG
I GOT ASKED OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER I REBLOGGED IT
wait but whats happening with the bagel tho
It’s burning, as is everything I’ve hoped for whenever I’ve reblogged a post like this
I just kinda wanna watch something burn?
Mood
You guys didn’t listen when I said Bagels hold an ancient and wonderous power.
E
Oh Mighty Bagel. I pray to thee. 🥯