Lunch at Storm Crow Manor, ❤️
Oh, you’ve gotta go sometime. Honestly, it’s such a great place - food’s tasty, the drinks are so much fun. (One of the one’s I had, the above pictured, had like dry ice in it.) I really enjoy going when I head downtown.
I keep trying to like red wine like a grown-up but like … it’s rotten grapes, guys. You can drink things that don’t taste like rotten grapes. Why
Okay I don’t know when this post is from (I came across it stalking multiple blogs). But in case this might help, here is a brief science/wine lesson.
To start off, some facts:
-White wine is made from sweet pulp inside of the grape (minus the seeds).
-Red wine is made from both the skin and the grape (and the seeds and stems…sometimes? Can’t remember).
-Tannin is the substance found in red wines, coffee, dark chocolate. Tannins are responsible for the bitter taste in those foods.
-Tannins are found in the skin of the grape, as well as the seeds and the stems. Therefore, most red wines will have tannins, versus most whites will not have tannins.
-Red wines vary in level of tannins, depending on variety of grape, climate, and fermentation process. Pinot noir tends to be very low tannin. Shiraz/Syrah, choice of poison for our beloved brunette surgeon, is very heavy on the tannins.
-Some white wines (most commonly Chardonnay) are aged in oak barrels instead of metal containers. Oak barrels have tannins, which seeps into the wine during the fermentation process. That’s why Chardonnays tend to be “drier” aka it has tannins.
-White wines like Sauvingnon Blancs are usually fermented in steel barrels (aka no tannins. Aka usually very fruity and light and sweet).
Your ability to taste tannins is genetic.
There is a genetic marker determining whether your taste cells are sensitive to tannins.
Basically two people can drink the exact same wine and have wildly different reactions because: 1. Person A can’t taste tannins, so they taste the actual wine flavor. 2. Person B can taste tannins, and that tends to overpower ALL the other flavors in the wine. Basically all they taste is tannins and none of the wine.
I am super tannin sensitive, so if I drink a wine like Cabernet Sauvignon (very tannin heavy, aka “very dry”, it tastes like bitter ethanol alcohol to me, whereas my best friend can’t taste tannins so the same wine is maybe a little bitter but they can actually taste the grape and different flavors. To her, a wine like Sauv Blanc is too sweet, tastes like sugar water. But to me it tastes good.
So unless it’s the taste of the alcohol or all wines you hate, chances are you might hate the taste of red wine, especially the heavier red wines, because taste the tannin overpowers everything else. And all you taste is bitter bitter ethanol bitter more ethanol.
More tannin info: -Tannins bind to fat.
-This is why tannin heavy wines are recommended with fatty foods (Shiraz and steak). Whenever you eat food with high fat content, the fat builds up on your tongue. A sip of red wine will bind with the fat on your tongue and clear it away. That’s why the sip of wine between bites of fat heavy foods is considered a palate cleanser.
-By that logic, this is why white wines are recommended with low fat foods, like fish. Salmon is fattier than most fish, which is why Chardonnay (tannin heavy white wine) or Pinot Noir (low tannin red wine) is recommended with salmon.
-People who are sensitive to tannins can drink tannin heavy red wines with fatty food and generally the wine won’t taste gross. The fat on your tongue (from that steak) will bind with the tannin and neutralize the tannin taste. Aka the only time I ever drink Cabernet Sauvignon or Shiraz is with a steak or heavy, creamy pasta. Aka never bc I don’t often eat either.
-The reason dairy helps coffee taste better is because the fat in milk/creams binds with the tannins in coffee and neutralizes the bitter taste. This is why people who can’t taste tannins can generally drink coffee black without milk (sugar is a different story). It’s also why almond milk in coffee is the worst idea (almond milk is already bitter and has no fat).
More wine facts: -90% of the “aromas” of wine are marketing BS
-You know the labels that say like “cherry with a hint of blackberry?” There’s no real way to infuse cherry or blackberry into grape wine without screwing with the fermentation process. It’s all created by the wine marketing industry to sell you win. Sometimes if you smell cherry before you drink the wine, you might taste it in the wine (because majority of flavor comes from smell). Or if you think there is cherry flavor in the wine, your brain can trick your taste buds into tasting it.
-The only true flavors found in real grape wine are grapes (obviously), oak/earthy flavor (the barrels), vanilla (barrels, oak sticks), tannins. (There are a few others but can’t remember. I think maybe cinnamon?).
-People’s perception of wine often affect how good it tastes to them. Social psychology studies show that people will rate the exact same wine differently if they’re told the wines are different in price. (They rated the more expensive wine as tastier).
tl;dr Whether you can taste tannins is genetic. Exact same wines taste different for different people depending on your genetic makeup. If you’re sensitive to tannins, red wines won’t taste like anything other than bitter alcohol. Genetics/tannins are why people generally have preferences for red or whites.
this is extremely informative and i have learned a thing about myself, which is that i CLEARLY inherited the tannin-tasting genes from my teatotaling mother and not from my dad who subsists entirely on espresso and cabernet sauvignon.
I suddenly understand why my goddad can drink black coffee and those wretched tasting dry wines and think they taste good.
my grandparents have to lock their car doors when they go to sunday mass because people have been breaking in to unlocked cars and leaving entire piles of zucchini
i feel like i should’ve added more context when i posted this. my grandparents live in a rural area where farmers and casual gardeners alike are, at this point in the year, suddenly being hit with unexpectedly abundant zucchini crops. there aren’t just some random vandals leaving zucchinis in people’s cars for the hell of it, this is the work of some very exasperated, probably very elderly, folks who have more zucchini than they know what to do with
Yep. You can also expect to find a bag of zucchini on your porch.
My grandfather once found his neighbor stealing his tomatoes out of his garden at three in the morning. Red-handed, with a basket of the nearly-ripened ones. He thought he was going to find gophers or something, but no, here’s Henry, taking his tomatoes. The best ones.
There was a long pause between them.
My grandfather (allegedly) said, “Henry… it’s OK. You can take some tomatoes if you want them.”
Henry sighed in relief.
“But,” my grandfather said, “you have to take two zucchini for every tomato.”
There was another long silence. “That’s a harsh bargain, John,” said Henry. “But I accept. I’ll tell Joe up the street, too.”
My grandfather said, “Tell Joe he needs to take three.”
a friend of my dad’s came by in the middle of the night, he seemed very nervous when my dad answered the door. he wouldn’t come inside but he leaned in and whispered to my dad in spanish, “i have some fresh grapes for you.” and then this happened:
the melon was a special bonus.
MY DREAM
A friend of mine lives in a rural area and he has been surrounded by zucchini for most of May, June, and July.
At one point he was so done with the whole zucchini madness that he came to classes actively begging people to “Please please please!! Take some my family’s damned zucchini!! I’ve been eating zucchini for weeks!! I’m going insane!!!”
Having grown up in a rural area and having come home to zucchini on the front step or in the mailbox, i find it highly amusing the OP had to clarify. I’m sitting here nodding “yup.”
I have a friend with a garden in Oregon who literally made Zucchini Chocolate Chip Cookies and sent them to me in Indiana. I texted her back “I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE”
I’m waiting for the day when someone will hear about my background in Botany and ask me for advice on what someone who’s just wanting to start exploring planting vegetables should try.
I know fuckall about gardening because my background is wild plants and not agriculture, but I’m gonna tell them
“Zucchini. Definitely try Zucchini. Just plant plenty of them and you’ll get a decent sized crop! They’re very rewarding to grow.”
It may be a bit of a long game, but I’ll enjoy their screams of despair from across the void as they realize that they will eat zucchini forever
This is NOT an exaggeration, guys. Zucchini (and most squashes, really) will outgrow you so fast. Let our tale be a caution– or an encouragement, whichever. You decide as you hear the story of Squish.
When we were so broke we had to choose between gas and store-bought-food (I think I was about 10?), we had a garden so we could eat regularly (we also had chickens and pigs and hunted, but that’s beside this point). One summer, we planted 6 rows of yellow squash and 6 rows of zucchini. Each row probably had 10, maybe 12 plants in it. We created this giant squash-block in our garden plot so it was all right there together in the middle, and the needier plants like tomatoes were on the outside of the whole plot. We thought we were clever, til the first crop started coming in.
The outside two rows of each squash, yellow and zucchini, were normal. High yield, of course (because squash), but standard size for both summer squash and Italian zucchini. The inner 8 rows, however, created this hybrid monstrosity that we called Squish. It was pretty– a nice swirly yellow and green combination that made it clear the squash and zucchini had interbred.
Squish became a living nightmare for us. Something about the hybridization caused them to forget how to stop growing, or at least how to grow at a normal rate because those suckers were longer than my dad’s forearm, and bigger around than my (albeit child-sized) thighs. They didn’t get all hard and nasty on the inside, either, for some reason, like most squash will at that size. And they just kept coming. I don’t even remember seeing that many flowers, but every day we were pulling upwards of 20lbs of Squish out of the garden, only for there to be more the next day, or sometimes by the end of the day if we harvested in the morning. I don’t know where they were hiding, but it was like some sort of squash portal had opened into our yard and started crapping out Frankenstein’s Squashes.
At first, it was great. We could eat all we wanted and not worry about rationing it. But the growing season in Arkansas is long, and we had incredible weather that summer, so those darn things kept alternating flowers and fruit. Pull off a few Squish, new flowers budded out, and they ripened super-fast in the heat. We were absolutely swimming in Squish, because they were so big that even gorging on them meant only 1 or 2 got eaten per meal. (I think I recall using a few particularly enormous ones as swords for a duel with my sister, if that says anything about their size. I cannot overemphasize how absolutely, heinously gigantic they were. You probably don’t believe me but I am not kidding. Those things were bigger than a newborn by several many inches and a couple pounds.)
We had (luckily) a big deep freezer, and someone gifted us a bunch of freezer ziploc bags, so we started chopping them up and freezing them as we pulled them off. We ran out of bags real fast, so we caved and bought a ton more. We filled that deep freezer near to bursting. It was probably 3-4 feet deep, (as I remember barely coming up to the edge of it), and at least 4-5 feet long, about 2.5 feet across, and we filled it to the top with Squish. And that’s while we’re eating fresh ones every day with dinner! But still more Squish came before the first frost, so we started packing the fridge. And my grandma’s freezer. And my grandma’s fridge. And feeding them to the pigs and chickens. And giving them away at church.
Do you realize how big a deal it is that people who were so broke that they had to choose between gas and the power bill were GIVING AWAY FOOD??? That’s how much gosh darn Squish we had. And little did I know, but apparently, my dad HATES squash. He only planted them because they were a cheap, quick source of food and my mom loved squashes. And he got stuck with the folly of his decisions. For over a year.
Yep. We had Squish in the freezer for over a year. Eating it regularly. It lasted for over a year. A family of 5, plus often feeding my grandmother, we ate off a single garden’s haul for over a year. Of just the Squish. I tell you, if we’d had a farmer’s market back then, that Squish could probably have single-handedly lifted us out of poverty. Well, maybe not, but you get the idea.
We never planted both again, probably because my dad would have combusted out of rage if he’d ever seen another Squish in his life. But man those were the days for thems of us what loved squash.
So survival tip: If you need an absolute crapton of food, plant you a row of yellow squash and a row of zucchini, and keep that pattern going for as many rows as you like. You too can drown in Squish and love it.
Oh wow.
The last story is well worth the read. It might be long but I found it absolutely delightful! Thank you for sharing your childhood Squish gardening adventures!
Meanwhile, people are starving to death.
Ands What do you expect poor rural farmers who just have excess zucchini to do about that exactly? Mail them to Africa?
I was just talking to a friend today about gardening and she said “I’ll plant zucchini for this project.”
“Oh dear… what’s your damage control plan?”
“Oh,” she said, intuiting what I meant. “Eating the blossoms. Love stuffed blossoms. Pumpkin, squash, zucchini. It keeps the crop down, and you get lots of mileage out of them. You keep a mixed crop that way, too. Plus, people don’t always welcome gifts of zucchini, but they find gifts of blossoms exciting.”
This struck me as absolutely game-changing.
My problem is that I legitimately love zucchini. “Lizard,” you ask, “why is that a problem? Just eat the zucchini!” The problem is that in the middle of the growing season, there will be a point where I physically can not consume enough zucchini to keep up with what the plants are producing. It does not matter how much I chop, freeze, fry, bake, etc– there will always be a point where I have more zucchini than I have time in the day to do something with that zucchini.
But eventually it runs out. Like summer, it’s as intense as it is fleeting and come November I want for some zucchini fried with onions. By January, when I’m planning out the spring garden, there’s always that thought, that voice of hubris whispering in my ear… “maybe I should grow more zucchini?”
Children, it is a trap.
Stories like this are why, despite my absolute passion for zucchini, I have never tried to grow them. I have more than one chronic illness. I will not have the strength to fight this fight, I know it.
According to one of my text books, in early Christianity, instead of monetary tithing or whatever, people would just bring whatever they had extra of up to the altar, for whoever needed it. Like the share table in an elementary school cafeteria. So depending on the church, Car Zucchini may have been the most Christian thing to happen there that day.
Men’s 38-in-one night time sickness cold & flu shampoo & conditioner toothpaste and mouthwash combo (plus nourishing skin formula with hydrating aloe)
be right back guys i need to run out to O'Reilly’s Auto Parts and get another jug of Boy Juice to soak in, got a big day tomorrow and want to wash up, brush my teeth, take care of these sniffles, and exfoliate
Folks, this exists and it’s called Dr. Bronner’s castile soap.
Hey what the fuck
This is Dr Emmanuel Bronner’s wikipedia image
Happy new year! Excited to announce the launch of my secret garden patreon where I will be posting exclusive floral illustrations <3 https://www.patreon.com/LibbyFrame.
Y'all're free to get your ears pierced if you like, but I have long maintained the secret to a long life is to avoid having pieces of steel driven through your body.
Julius Cesar disagrees
Phineas Gage is that u
BREAKING NEWS
I just learned about a bird species called Golden Plover. Their chicks have an amazing camouflage: their baby fluff resembles MOSS!
LOOK AT THEM! JUST LOOK AT THEM!
...Oh to be a tiny golden plover lying in the moss safe and sound waiting for your mom to bring you some worms...
ATTENTION: IT IS NOW TIME FOR MOSS
Reminds me of the "Tapera Naevia" aka Striped Cuckoo whose chicks look like Pine Cones, so now we have "Moss Birb" and "Pine Cone Birb"
A wild Torb and Martha appeared for a bit of nostalgia!
Man he was hard to draw after such a long time
I submitted the post to @ew-neighbors but I'm not sure if it went through cause my tablet is a bit old hehe! But I'm posting it here too, for old times sake 💕
I love desire paths. There's something so wonderous about seeing an echo of humanity. Depending on it's location, a desire path can mean so many different things.
In a city, like the pic above, they represent rebellion, and efficiency. The messiness of humanity. We like to imagine we're oh so logical and neat so we design our cities to be logical and neat an then real humans literally trample on that idea. The ego required to think you can design something perfect that checks every box. Life is all about compromise and patching stuff when some new problem arises. Though people have certainly tried! Ohio state univeristy let students carve their desire paths, and then paved them over. It looks pretty artsy.
Some people will try to discourage desire paths, but this is almost always going to fail.
Eventually, people just have to accept them. Humans are too dang stubborn.
Certain desire paths are just adorable. A 0.5 second time saver. You just can't design for maximum efficiency, humans will always find shortcuts!
Though on occasion a desire path can actually be the least efficient way...especially if you're superstitious.
In a wilder area, such as below, they show us the curiosity of humans. A desire path somewhere natural often tells you there's something interesting just ahead. (Though remember some ecosystems are fragile and will suffer if trampled! Stick to paths in these sorts of areas)
And how about desire stairs? I always think these look so cool. We get see humans determination to climb, to traverse every kind of terrain.
And for something really crazy...a desire path used for centuries will create a 'holloway'
All of these pics are off the Desirepath subreddit, check them out for more examples! And many thanks to the users who submitted these photos.
Youve caught a mysterious woman dancing in the woods. Do you dare approach her?
So.....Sea Of Thieves, huh?
Uhh, hi. My name's Holly. Yeah, I know, it's so... Christmasy. But unlike the plastics in the school dance committee, I'm not exactly feeling warm and jolly about the winter formal. My boyfriend Darren dumped me like a stocking full of coal over Thanksgiving Break to go out with my ex-best friend, and my new crush is super-hottie football star Nicholas Mistletoe. He doesn't even know I'm alive, and if he did, why would he want to go out with me--the daughter of Krampus? I guess it's true what they say--holidays are Hell. *Fall Out Boy's "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" plays*
Holly, into her Blackberry phone: And they scheduled the winter formal for Christmas Eve. My dad expects me to hang out with him all evening at his job. What am I supposed to do?
Her quirky best friend, Chrissy Claus, on the other end of the line: Have you ever considered, like... talking to your dad about this stuff?
Holly: Your dad is literally the jolliest man alive. Mine is straight from the Fifth Circle of the underworld. Connect the dots?
Chrissy: Yeah, yeah. Look, it's not all sugarplums and candy canes here, either. Dad gets suuuper stressed. He doesn't even have time to listen to the carols I write. Hey, you're still going to perform with me, right?
*Holly collides with Nick. The hot cocoa she's carrying flies back in her face.*
Chrissy: ...Holly?
Holly, strangled: Uhm... TTYL?
Holly: Nick... are you sure it's cool if I keep your jacket during lunch like this?
Nick: Hey, yeah. Listen, I totally wasn't looking where I was going. I don't want you to have to walk around with a messed-up shirt all day.
Holly: No, I mean... would it be cool with your girlfriend?
Nick: Oh, Crystal? I'm sure she'd be fine with it. She's not so scary, when you get to know her. *He sounds unsure of himself.*
V.O.: That had about as much chance of being true as a snowball had of staying frozen in Miami, but Nick made it somehow... believable. Ugh. I'm in way too deep.
Nick: Hey, do you want to maybe have lunch with us? You know, just if you're not, like, busy or anything.
Holly: Wait, seriously? I mean...
*She tucks a strand of hair behind her horns and looks at the popular kids' table.* *Several beautiful girls sit there, reapplying lip gloss.*
Holly: I'd... well...
*Holly looks back toward her previously-established friend group consisting of Chrissy Claus, an obligatory flamboyant gay guy, and a nerd to show that they're the misfit crowd.* *Chrissy gives her a thumbs-up and a smile.*
Holly: I'd love to!! Uh, I mean... sounds cool, yeah. Whatever. *Britney Spears' "My Only Wish This Year" plays*
*Holly finishes washing her face in the school bathroom and looks up.* *Crystal and her obligatory posse of popular girls stand behind her*
V.O.: At that moment, I stopped caring about Nicholas, my dad's freaky job, and how messed up my life was. Mostly because I was too busy watching that life flash in front of my eyes.
Holly: Okay, listen, if this is about lunch, I--
Crystal, cheerily: Hi! I'm Crystal. I feel like we didn't really get to know each other earlier, so me and the girls thought you could come with us to the mall.
Holly: ...come again?
Snow Angel 1: It's just... you have great skin, and you don't even look that weird right now. Which says something. Crystal's dad gave her his credit card, and we could totally get you something to replace the mom jeans.
Holly, anxious: I don't know about this.
Snow Angel 2: Oh, and we're going to Nick's place after the mall, if you want to come.
Holly: Yes! I mean--
Crystal: Great! But first, I have a sweater in my car that could replace... that.
Holly: What I'm wearing now? But Chrissy bought this for me last year.
Crystal: Aww, she's so sweet. But come on. I mean, black and red? Goths went extinct in the 90's, honey. Let me take care of that.
Holly: I--
Crystal: We'll get you something cute for Nick's party today. Trust me.
*She examines Holly's face with a critical eye and a perfectly lip-glossed smile.*
Holly: ...okay. Sure. It's old, anyway, right?
Crystal: Oh, sweetie, of course it is. Follow us.
*Aly and AJ's "Greatest Time of Year" plays* *Montage of Holly hanging out with the popular girls at the mall, school, and parties* *Minimum of three shots of Holly's friends looking lonely are included* *Shot #4 is of sad Chrissy on the eve of the school's winter talent show*
Chrissy: Come on, come on, pick up...
Gay best friend Jesse Cross: Oh, honey, she's not coming.
Chrissy, tearfully: But I can't perform our duet without her!
Jesse: There's always next year?
Chrissy: That's not true...
Jesse: I know, girl. Let's tell the MC you can't go on tonight. I'll buy you cocoa and give Holly a piece of my damn mind tomorrow.
Chrissy: I'll just try to call her, one more time...
*Holly is at Crystal's house* *Her phone rings on the table* *Crystal snags it and shuts it off before Holly notices*
Holly: Did you hear something?
Crystal: Some nobody.
Holly: Come again?
Crystal, brightly: Nope. Nothing. Hey, I'm bored--let's take my dad's cruiser out. It even has enough room for your... *She indicates Holly's horn situation vaguely*
Holly, hesitant, as though she's forgetting something: Uhh... sure.
Holly: You let me miss the talent show... on purpose?
Crystal, leaning against the gym wall with her posse: Uh, yeah. Thought that was obvious, Morticia.
Snow Angel 1: Is there a legit reason you're being a total b-word right now, or...?
Holly: Are you freaking kidding me? Chrissy is my friend. My BEST friend. Something you three wouldn't understand.
Crystal: I understand that you're a whiny, ungrateful weirdo who would rather cry about missing a talent show than hang out with the only people in school anyone cares about. Yeah. I get it.
Holly: Seriously?!
Snow Angel 2: Listen, charity case. If you think we were being such sweethearts to you for any reason other than to look good in front of Nick, you're out of your mind.
Crystal: Read my lips, sugarplum: you're a freak who knows she's a freak, and before we pulled you out of the depths of loserville, you hung out with freaks.
Holly: I... I...
Nick: ...Crystal?
*Crystal startles* *The Snow Angels' mouths drop open in unison*
Crystal: Um... hi, sweetie!
Nick: No. Don't do that. We're not doing that. Why were you saying that terrible stuff to Holly?
Crystal: W-we were just... *She looks for support from her squad* *They look the other way* Why are you even here?
Nick: I don't know. I got a text from a hidden number telling me to come to the gym after school..? Whatever. Doesn't matter. Crystal, I should have done this a while ago. We're done.
Crystal: WHAT?!
Nick: Holly, do you... need a ride home?
*Crystal is too horrified and furious to speak* *Holly wipes a tear, then blushes*
*Outside the gym, Jesse Cross listens in, satisfied*
*He looks at his screen, where an anonymously-sent text to Nick sits*
Jesse: The Lord works in mysterious ways, bitch. *"8 Days of Christmas" by Destiny's Child plays*
Nick: Holly! Wait!
Holly: Nick?
*Nick skids to a stop with his hockey skills; he is on every sports team*
Nick: Listen, I still feel really bad about what happened. You know I don't think that about you, right?
Holly: Of course I do.
Nick: I think you're really cool. And, um... if you're not doing anything on Christmas Eve... I want you to come to the dance with me.
*Small gasp from the other students waiting to be picked up after school*
Holly: Nick, I... I'd love to.
*The crowd cheers* *Chrissy smiles from the crowd, happy for Holly* *Nick goes to hug Holly, then freezes*
Off-screen ominous voice: ℌ𝔢𝔶, 𝔫𝔬𝔴. 𝔜𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔤𝔢𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔰𝔬𝔪𝔢𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤, 𝔞𝔯𝔢𝔫'𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲, 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔢?
*Holly whirls around* *Her dad stands on the curb behind her*
V.O.: You know that feeling you get when you wake up from a nightmare, and everything's okay? Yeah. Try the opposite of that.
Holly: D-dad, please, it's actually important to me this year. My friends, Chrissy, Nick, they're all going--
Krampus: 𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔪𝔢, 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔞𝔡𝔶. 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔫𝔢𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔫 𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔪𝔢𝔞𝔫𝔰 𝔫𝔬 𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪𝔞𝔩.
Nick: Mr. Nacht, I think you should consider what she's saying.
Krampus: ℑ'𝔳𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔡 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔯𝔢𝔧𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔦𝔱. 𝔖𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔰𝔣𝔦𝔢𝔡? *He extends a hand to Holly* ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔢, 𝔫𝔬𝔴. ℑ𝔱'𝔰 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔱𝔴𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔶-𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔯𝔡. 𝔓𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔬𝔯𝔡𝔢𝔯.
Holly, sadly taking her father's hand: I'll... see you next year, Nick.
Chrissy: Mr. Nacht, we won't let you--
*A whirl of hellfire erupts around Holly and her father* *They vanish*
Chrissy: --do this.
Krampus: 𝔖𝔬 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔩𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔰 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔠𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔳𝔞𝔩, 𝔞𝔫𝔡... 𝔦𝔱 𝔡𝔬𝔢𝔰𝔫'𝔱 𝔰𝔢𝔢𝔪 𝔩𝔦𝔨𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔭𝔞𝔶𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫.
Holly: Gosh, Dad, don't know why I wouldn't be paying attention when you took me away from my friends to help you scare children into behaving.
Krampus: ℑ'𝔳𝔢 𝔥𝔞𝔡 𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔬𝔣 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔢, 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔤 𝔩𝔞𝔡𝔶. 𝔒𝔲𝔯 𝔧𝔬𝔟 𝔦𝔰 𝔠𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔩 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔠𝔠𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 ℭ𝔥𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔪𝔞𝔰--
*A red Volkswagen Beetle rolls up at top speed and screeches to a halt* *It's blasting NSYNC's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays"*
Holly: Chrissy? Jesse?!
Krampus: 𝔚𝔥𝔞𝔱.
Chrissy: Holly, you're coming with us.
Holly, tearing up: I... guys, I'm sorry, I can't.
Chrissy: Oh, for Jesse's dad's sake... *She exits the car and slams the door* Mr. Nacht, your daughter's coming with us.
Krampus: 𝔒𝔲𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔮𝔲𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫. 𝔏𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔢, ℭ𝔩𝔞𝔲𝔰𝔡𝔬𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔯--
Chrissy: No, you listen to me! It's Christmas Eve, and your daughter has a chance to be the happiest she's ever been. You may be from the Fifth Circle, but you can't convince me you've never understood what being in love is like.
*Krampus pauses, then looks at a photo he keeps in his wallet* *It's a picture of Satan, whom he's gay married to*
Krampus: ℑ 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔫 𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔰𝔥, 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫'𝔱 ℑ, ℌ𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔶?
Holly: ...maybe a little?
Krampus: ℑ 𝔤𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔪𝔶 𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤. 𝔊𝔬 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 "𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔪𝔞𝔩" 𝔦𝔣 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔰𝔬 𝔴𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔦𝔱. 𝔊𝔬𝔬𝔡-𝔟𝔶𝔢.
*Holly tears up and hugs her father* *She then runs and hugs Chrissy, who squeaks in surprise and then laughs*
Jesse: Let's go, bitches! The night is young! And I still have to get you a dress, honey. You're not rolling up to the formal in combat boots.
Holly: Oh, ah, right! *She and Chrissy snap apart, then pile into the car*
Chrissy: There he is!
*Nick stands in the middle of a crowd of dancers, but has no one to dance with... until he sees Holly*
Holly: Oh my god. Do I look okay?
Chrissy: Gorgeous. Go get him, tiger.
*Holly moves toward him* *Chrissy watches her go* *Jesse puts a hand on Chrissy's arm and snaps her out of it*
Nick: Holly! I thought you couldn't come!
Holly: Hey, Christmas miracle, I guess. Come on. *She smiles, tucks a strand of hair behind her horns, and begins to dance with him* *Toni Braxton's "Snowflakes of Love" plays*
*All eyes are on the couple* *Nick spins Holly, then pulls her into a kiss* *They pull apart, but there's something missing--a spark* *Both of them look lost*
Holly: I'm... I have to go pee. Uh. Now.
Nick: Uh... yeah, sure. Go ahead.
*Holly runs to the bathroom* *She bursts in and washes her face, shaking her head*
V.O.: I'd won. I had everything I wanted: Nick, right in front of me, gorgeous and single and everything. And my stupid brain wouldn't let the night feel normal.
Attractive Girl in Scene Fashion: You look lost.
V.O.: ...or maybe it had just been trying to send me gut signals that something was seriously up.
*Holly looks at the attractive girl* *Recognition dawns*
Holly: ...Crystal?!
Crystal: So... I wanted to say sorry. About being a jerk.
Holly: Who are you and where's Crystal?
Crystal: Uh... surprise! I am Crystal. I know it's hard to believe, but it's me.
Holly: What happened?!
Crystal: After Nick dumped me, I lost my squad and spiraled pretty hard. It took a lot of soul-searching bullshit to realize that I had been living my life the way my dad expected me to: dating the popular guy, wearing Prada to freaking high school.
Holly: Always thought that was weird.
Crystal: It wasn't me. And I was... miserable. So, even though I'm still sad about everything I did... I think I'm going to be a lot happier now. I dunno. How's your night with Nick?
Holly, hesitant: Um...
Crystal: What's wrong?
*Holly pauses*
Holly: I... I don't know. I've been hoping for this for so long, and now that it's here, I don't feel right. Nick's nice, and he's cute, but... I...
Crystal: I think we were in the same boat.
Holly: How?
Crystal: More into the idea of Nick than the actual guy. I mean, seriously, how much do you know about him?
Holly: ...he likes sports?
Crystal: Listen, Holly, love isn't about thinking someone's hot and nothing else. It's more than that. Love's about... showing up when someone needs you, sharing everything, being there no matter what. God, this is lame of me. Sorry.
Holly, realizing something: Huh. I... wow. You put that surprisingly well.
Crystal: Something else on your mind?
Holly: Yeah. There's someone I need to find. *She rushes out*
Jesse: Listen, trust me, I get it.
Chrissy: Yeah, I know, and I really am happy for her. It's just... kinda hard.
*Holly runs out of the dance* *She sees Chrissy and Jesse* *Jesse notices her first*
Jesse: Hey, Chrissy, I just realized that I totally forgot my shoes in the gym.
Chrissy: But you're wearing--
*Jesse takes off his heels and chucks them into the dance* *He runs in after them*
Holly: Chrissy?
Chrissy: Oh! Hey, Holly! What are you doing here? Where's Nick?
Holly: Uh, he's... he's at the dance...
Chrissy: Then shouldn't you be..?
Holly: Chrissy, I like Nick, but that's it. Sure, he's hot, and he's great with a hockey stick, but the connection's not there.
Chrissy: What are you saying?
Holly: I'm saying that... here goes... there's someone else I want to go to the dance with.
*Chrissy blinks, then realizes*
Chrissy: Really?
Holly: Really. Like, really really. Chrissy, you're the most amazing person I know, and you're really freaking pretty, and...
*Chrissy cups Holly's face, grinning* *Holly blushes and shuts up*
*They kiss* *Holly's tail waves* *Christina Aguilera's "This Christmas" swells in the background*
Chrissy: That was--
Holly: Uh, a Christmas miracle?
Chrissy: Okay, yeah, but I wouldn't have expected you to say something that cheesy.
Holly: Miracle's not over. You know the DJ, Aurora? She owes me a favor.
*Smash cut to Krampus reading a text from Holly* *It reads "SKIP THE BOREALIS HOUSE PLS THX <3 U DAD"* *He huffs, but smiles*
Chrissy, hand over her mouth: Do you mean..?
Holly: I wasn't there for you during the talent show, but I'm going to be here for you from now on. How about a duet?
*Chrissy takes her hand* *They re-enter the gym for the dance* *The song they perform is, you're goddamn right, "All I Want for Christmas is You"*
*During the performance, Jesse, who is going wild with support, trips* *Nick catches him in his arms for the sequel tease*
V.O.: So, yeah. My name's Holly. It's Christmasy, and I'm... cool with that. I'm not the most popular girl in school, and I didn't get a prince charming, but I got something more important: the coolest girlfriend in the world. Someone amazing enough to make me believe--ugh, here goes--that holidays might not be Hell. So au revoir, sayonara, good night, and Happy Holidays from me and Chrissy.
*Fade to black* *Credits sequence is set to "Deck the Halls" by Relient K and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" by the Barenaked Ladies ft. Sarah McLachlan*
Happy holidays to the most insane post I've ever made! <3
If tumblr starts instituting the draconian laws that tik tok has (aka not being able to say kill, bitch, etc in posts in addition to tags) I refuse to say shit like unalive and do the slash thing. I’m gonna start using old timey euphemisms (Eg; I want to force Apple executives to kick the bucket) and borrowing words from other languages. Like. They can’t ban sex words in every language, can they??
Vent art. It's a bit heavy I guess? Tw for red marks
how have you been?
Update:
Today I learned that my husband keeps a notes app on his phone that has a list of all of my favorite things including but not limited to flower, ice cream, and cocktail and I don’t know how I feel about it 😂
Oh listen I know this is very very sweet because again Husband is rocks for brain bubble man. It is hilarious to me because the list has things like
“Favorite ice cream: butter pecan. I married a little old lady.”
“Favorite Ben and Jerry’s (this is different then regular ice cream) Phish Food. Has no idea who Phish is just thinks the chocolate fish are neat”
And I feel exposed.
“Favorite flower: orchid or lily, but she can have neither because our cats are stupid demon babies spat out from hell who will eat them and perish. She would prefer chicken nuggets anyways.”
“Favorite donut: old fashioned, for breaking in half and sharing with with the dog.”
“Favorite coffee: iced. Do not offer hot coffee under any circumstance. The only hot beverage allowed is hot coco and the yearly white chocolate peppermint mocha”
Okay I don’t need to be called out like this.
the mortifying ordeal of being married.
Stop it this is hilarious
don’t let tumblr make you believe that you need:
- really good metal
- crazy rice farms
there is nothing inherently wrong with:
- hanging out between the mountains
- eating nuts off trees
- using the latest technology (like stones, and bowls)
Found a mystery leaf laid nicely on my plant table this morning.....none of my plants have leaves like this....
