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@lillianlovesyou

how what???

I’m not good with the science of this or anything (someone who knows more feel free to add) but fish can play??? Fish can play like any other animal?? People saying it couldn’t breathe, do human kids not hold their breaths to go under water for fun? It’s just the opposite. Air is water, water is air. In the same vein as a kid being thrown up and into the pool and enjoying it, the fish is playing.

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okay… as someone who studies marine biology I need to clarify something:

fish are unable to hold their breaths. They literally cannot take a deep breath like mammals do.

We have lungs that can take in a specific volume of air, fish have gills that work when they are ventilated enough. There are different kinds of gills, yes. Some fish have something called ‘operculum’ which is like a cap on top of the gills, helping to protect them and increasing the water circulation through the gills. Some fish DONT have this structure and need to swim in order to be able to breathe.

But the fact that they cannot hold their breaths doesnt mean that they cannot survive without water for a while - in fact, fish can (usually) survive being without water WAY LONGER than we could survive being without air.

I cannot tell if this fish does this for fun, but it sure looks like it. But I am not a behavioural biologist, so I can’t tell for sure.

It is abundantly clear the fish is a willing participant. It’s sort of arrogant to assume animals other than humans don’t play like humans.

Im not a behavior biologist either, but I have spent a lot of time around fish and ive spent a lot of time talking to and helping people that care for fish. (Former petstore fish guy that took his job too seriously)

That fish is having fun, and fish absolutely DO have fun!

There was a regular who came into the store I worked at a lot, and he kept several varieties of chichlids, a very smart, aggressive type of fish.

He would come in and talk to me about all the drama his fish get into. The different territorial disputes they were having, who had paired off with who, who broke up (yes chichlids are like this)

But he had a jack dempsey in particular that LOVED to chase his hand around the tank, not his wife’s hand, not his friend’s hand, it HAD to be him. He said that as soon as he entered the room where this fish’s tank was kept, the fish would TEAR UP the tank decor, knocking things over and acting a fool off his shits until this dude stuck his hand in there and let the fish chase it around back and forth.

He theorized that his fish learned that if he knocked the tank decor around, his owner would obviously have to stick his hand in to fix it. So when he wants to play “chase dad’s hand” thats naturally how he knows he can get the hand to appear. He wont do this behavior for anybody but this one guy and he won’t tear up the tank anymore after he had received sufficient “play time”, usually once a day when the guy got home from work. He likened it to having a dog that wont leave you alone till you play tug o war for a bit.

I had a betta that would spend twenty minutes at a time just swimming up to the waterfall of the filter, letting it push him down to the bottom of the tank, only to swim back up and do it again, like it was a fucking slide.

Bettas are weak swimmers, and they dislike strong currents, but this guy was using the filter current like a slide. Kinda like how we don’t really like getting thrown around, but we still enjoy rollercoasters.

I also have countless stories about goldfish trying to “give hugs” (re: shove themselves into their owners hands during tank maintenance)

My betta knows how to lie and he will only beg for food in front of those he knows have not fed him yet.

There is so much evidence I’ve seen that fish are waaaay smarter and affectionate than we think. They absolutely have fun and I honestly don’t think enough studies have been done on fish brains and fish behavior in general.

And honestly, having worked in a pet store, fish are generally treated like they don’t have brains by even the fish care brands that claim expert knowledge.

Its definitely worth noting that hard scientific evidence presenting that the very opposite is true would probably lead to more robust animal welfare laws that would definitely upset the aquatics industry. Food for thought.

I think you’re absolutely right on that last point. The misconception that fish are too thoughtless to have feelings facilitates the abhorrent conditions in which they are kept and ways they are treated by the industry.

I used to have a lovely tank, I think it was 50 gallons, and among other things I kept glass catfish. All the research at the time said they were hard to keep in captivity and prone to refusing to eat and starving themselves, and that they did not live long in captivity. But I was fascinated and had to try it. It took me about three days to realize none of the literature said a word about them being nocturnal. I started feeding them at night right before bed, and had zero problems getting them to eat, saw they were incredibly active as soon as the lights went off (I have exceptional night vision) and I kept them in excellent health for years. Exponentially beyond their captive life expectancy.

I think the commercial pet fish trade is abysmal in terms of actual working knowledge of fish.

Sometimes when your brain yells at you “it wasn’t that bad!” you have to ask yourself, then why would you be where you are right now, if it wasn’t that bad? Why would you be in this much pain, having all those symptoms, feeling anxiety, grief and all those empty holes inside of you? If it wasn’t that bad, why would you be having this conversation with yourself, would it even come up if it wasn’t that bad? Would it be bothering you if it was nothing?

Your feelings and symptoms can never appear out of thin air, or of your own doing. If you’re hurt over it, it was bad. If you can’t stop debating it inside of your head, it was extremely significant to you. If you have trauma symptoms over it, it was traumatic. If you’re crying your heart out over it, it was awfully painful to you. Nobody can tell you how something was for you or what you should be feeling, it’s your feelings alone that show you just how much something affected you.

And if you’re terrified of something that haunts thru your past, experiencing so much grief you have to dissociate from it every now and then to handle it, living your whole life in secret, feeling ashamed of your own feelings, of the way you’re experiencing your own life, helpless to change what you’re going thru even when you desperately want to, then it was worse than you think. Because events that cause that level of trauma can’t even be experienced in full intensity in real time, but the pain and the trauma will creep back to you years later, showing you bit by bit, just how bad it was.

Thank you I needed this so much ❤️❤️❤️

Kids always remind me to be hopeful

I’m usually tired and cranky after I go grocery shopping. Non-disabled people are exhausting. But on my way home I passed three little kids sitting outside of their apartment complex. The youngest looked about five, and the two older ones looked about seven. The youngest got excited when he saw my powerchair. This was our interaction:

Kid: “Hey, can I get a honk honk?!”

I beeped my chair horn twice, and they giggled.

Kid: “Why do you use a wheelchair?”

Me: “It’s hard for me to walk.”

Kid: Oh, okay. Where do you live?“

Me: "Just up the road. Y'all are out here by yourselves? You should get back inside. It’s about to rain. Do you hear the thunder?”

Kid: “Yeah. We live right here. We’ll go inside soon.”

Me: “Good. Be careful, and I have a great night.” (Thanks! You, too).

As I roll away, I heard him yell, “Can I get another honk honk?

Two more beeps and some more giggles.

What I really love about kids (who haven’t started being educated) is they don’t load their questions with assumptions. They simply ask why I’m in a wheelchair and they accept the simple truth of my answer. I can’t walk. That’s it. To them, it has no bearing on my intelligence or willpower. It simply is. Unfortunately, if it hasn’t been already, difference = bad will be drilled into their head from the time they start kindergarten.

I often gently reprimand parents who reprimand their children for asking them or me why I use a wheelchair. One, a child should never be shamed simply for asking a question. This subliminally teaches them that questioning is a bad thing and that they’re bad for asking it. To them, it’s no different from asking, "why is the sky blue?” or “why do we poop?” By silencing questions, we silence critical thinking and make social etiquette more important than pursuing truth. I’d rather them ask me “why are you in a wheelchair?” when they’re five than I would, “So, what’s wrong with you?” when they’re twenty-five. The latter isn’t a legitimate question because it’s based upon the lie that there *is* something wrong with me.

We need to stop teaching kids that everyone has two legs with which to walk; two ears with which to hear; to eyes with which to see; etc. Because it isn’t true, and it has never been. All people are different, and different doesn’t mean bad. This isn’t something that has to be taught. Kids know this. We have to be willing to relearn it by being willing to unlearn every lie we’re told is true.

This is so true. I love this so much. my cousins never saw me walk since I was born with spinal muscular atrophy so they’re used to me being disabled. I’m so proud of them because they don’t even see disability when it comes to other kids and adults. And that’s how it should be. Just thought I would share that lol

I recently saw a pain scale with the caption “if you can still talk, your not at a nine” and it really really bothered me. One of my doctors (who works extensively with teenagers with CRPS) said that one common theme he sees in his patients is a complete lack of reaction to pain. He told me that when he performs procedures and tests that are objectively extremely painful, often the teenagers will be smiling and cracking jokes, even though he knows that they are in excruciating pain. At nine I can carry on a conversation (not very well, because at this point things start to get really cloudy for me, but still a conversation). During my nerve conduction study (If you’ve ever had one you know how awful it is, and if you haven’t, it involves a six inch long eighteen gage needle stabbed deep into your muscles over and over while you clench and relax them as instructed.) i chatted with the nurse and played games on my phone. It wasn’t that I wasn’t in pain, it was just I was also outside of it. For teenagers with chronic pain a disassociation from themselves and their bodies is common, even expected. If I “grounded myself”, saw myself as In my body and of my body and nothing else I don’t know how I would survive. In order to live, to get out of bed or wash my hair or put on pants I have to separate ME from my body. It’s how I can pop my shoulder out of socket and put it back in during a conversation. It’s a matter of survival. And I’m tired of people saying that my pain isn’t real or valid because of it.

Please know and understand when dealing with a depressed person Part 2

Daily routines and activities are exhausting

Keeping up with our daily life is draining. Even though it’s the same routine every day.

So, if we gotta deal with something out of the ordinary or with something additional, we get drained very fast.

Meaning we are probably not even attending or leaving early. Saying we are tired and that work has been very exhausting that day. Please don’t take it personally.

But the truth is: we are tired and exhausted every single day.

We are easily irritated

Feeling annoyed and irritated is pretty common when dealing with depression.

And all these annoying little things pile up. Meaning we get easily angered and frustrated.

It sounds silly, but we get triggered by the tiniest things up to a serious mental breakdown.

Our sleeping pattern is very irregular

Sometimes we don’t sleep at all. And other times we can’t get enough, even having to take naps during the day.

Sometimes we stop caring about our appearance

We forget eating, forget to take a shower, forget to do the laundry or forget to clean up our home.

And sometimes we eat unbelievable amounts of food, shower 7 times a day and do all our chores up until everything is done. Then we get bored

Holy isolation

Hanging out with friends is very exhausting. Yes, once in a while, we do and it’s working out fine.

Other times a single conversation drains all the energy out of us.

Additionally, because we get frustrated and annoyed so easily, we just wanna isolate ourself, because we just gonna get annoyed anyway. So what’s the point?

Obviously that also means that we are avoiding people who wanna help us.

Losing interest

Did you have hobbies? Activities you loved doing? Do you still do them?

No. Because you lost interest in them. Because they no longer fill you with joy.

You feel nothing.

Pessimistic mindset

The glass is always half empty.

We start to think: “Why bother?”

Because we are not getting anything from what we do.

We can’t concentrate

When you are talking to us, we often don’t really hear what you are saying. The moments of silence in between, we are in our own little world and when you start talking again, we miss the first part of the sentence. Sometimes we ask you to repeat it and sometimes we don’t.

Plus, we are really forgetful. We forget about meeting up with you, to call you back or special dates, like birthdays.

Dealing with us

can be very difficult.

But understanding our behaviours and a little of what we go through might help you with interacting and supporting us.

If this isn't the truth I don't know what is!! Omg thank you

Hello friends who may be feeling upset

It is okay to feel this way, it’s okay to not be happy all of the time, no one expects you to be, but focussing on only your sadness or fear or even anger will not help. There are plenty of things you can do that might help, though!

Go watch a funny video!

Watch your favorite show, or find a new show to watch!

Watch a funny movie! Or a romance movie, or even a scary movie if that’s what you’re in to!

If you haven’t yet, go eat something and drink some water!

Take a nap if you need it, rest is important!

I know you may feel like you’re not pretty enough, or that you’re body is too big or curvy, or that you weigh too much, but none of that’s true! You are perfect and beautiful just the way you are! So eat a good, healthy meal, keep you’re food in your beautiful stomach, and take care of your gorgeous self! (Was that weird? Probably. Do I care? A little-)

Trans boys and girls, and even nonbinary folks, I know you may be feeling dysphoric, but you are valid no matter what anyone else says! Don’t let the transphobic assholes get you down, you’re perfect whether they think so or not!

Lgbt folks, I know you may feel like you can’t be yourself because of the homophobic assholes in life but you can’t let them get you down! You are perfect no matter who you love so keep on loving!

People of color, you are magnificent and beautiful no matter what color skin you have or where you’re from, or what ethnicity you are! You can’t change yourself so just try to embrace yourself! You’re beautiful!

Cute animals?? Exist?? That’s amazing, look at some cute animal pictures, or cuddle up to your own cute animals if you have pets!

Look at em, they’re so cute!!

There are so many things to be positive about, so just know that no matter how low you feel right now, things can always get better 😊

❤️❤️❤️