Imagine being an adult with a baby face and Thorin thinks you are a child

Gandalf: this is (y/n), they will be coming along with us on the journey

Thorin: Gandalf I can tolerate you bringing the halfling, but I cannot allow you to bring this child along.

Gandalf: but (y/n) is not~

Thorin: the wilds are no place for a child

Gandalf: Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror! You promised me that I could pick two people to come along with us on our journey, (y/n) and Bilbo are whom I have chosen, unless you mean to break your promise to me (y/n) is coming and that is final.

*the next morning*

Thorin: you will share a pony with me until further notice

You: um excuse me?

Thorin: children aren’t supposed to ride by themselves until they are sixteen, unless they are from Rohan.

Gandalf: ignore the foolish dwarf (y/n), here is your horse

You: thank you Gandalf, *mounts the horse* I am not a child Thorin.

Thorin: uh huh, and I’m Durin the fifth

You: I thought your name was Thorin?

*at the Prancing Pony*

You: *has just gotten your mead and are about to drink it*

Thorin: *takes away the flagon of mead* nnnope no alcohol for children.

You: for fucks sake Thorin I am not a child!

Thorin: teenager whatever you’re still too young to drink. You are a member of my company you will obey my rules, you signed a contract after all.

You: that contract did not state anywhere that I relinquished control over my dietary intake to you, so fuck you *takes back your mead*

Thorin: no! *Tries to get it back*

You: *pushes him away with your feet and proceeds to chug the entire thing*

Thorin: *has your foot pressed against his face* you impudent child!

*at Rivendell*

Elrond: I don’t think it is really a good idea to risk your life for these dwarves, you are so young.

You: *glares at him* excuse me, did I ask for your opinion?

Elrond: well no, but~

You: you’re right, I didn’t

*At Mirkwood*

Thranduil: you dwarves are as dumb and reckless as ever, you even brought a child along.

You: I’m not a fucking child why does everyone think that!

Thranduil: *ignores you*

*at Bard’s house in Laketown*

Tilda: excuse me (y/n) but how old are you?

Sigrid: that’s a rude thing to ask Tilda!

You: no, it’s alright, I’m (age).

Thorin: wait what, you are (age)? I thought you were a teenager.

You: yes I’ve told you how many times I’m not a child or a teenager, and you only believe me now.

Thorin: all teenagers say those things! How was I supposed to know you weren’t lying.

You: by giving me your age then asking me mine, duh.

Thorin: ooh

*at Erebor after Smaug has been slain*

You: *is taking a bath in the hot springs*

Thorin: *walks in to take a bath as well* oh (y/n)… I didn’t know you were here *starts to feel flustered*

You: yeah, I can’t get the smell of smoke out of my hair, nor can I get the tangles out. Do you think you can help me?

Thorin: um, I can’t touch your hair, it goes against our traditions

You: but you touched it before, you even braided it before remember?

Thorin: yes, but I thought you were a child then, and now that I know you’re an adult it would mean I am proposing to you.

You: then technically haven’t you already done that? I was an adult when you did it before, can you circumvent traditions due to ignorance.

Thorin: *realizes you are right and not only has he proposed, but he’s courted you by taking care of you*

You: *gets out of the water and goes over to him*. Thorin, relax I was kidding.

Thorin: *now feels rather embarrassed and timid* but you are right, I have technically courted and proposed to you accordingly as traditions dictate.

You: but are your traditions the only ones that should be taken into account, my culture has traditions as well, and you have done none of them

Thorin: can you put some clothes on please.

You: why, I’m not done with my bath, and you’ve seen me naked before.

Thorin: (y/n), please this is different then before.

You: how about I get back in the water?

Thorin: that’ll be fine. *Once you are in the water* It’s just now, I see you as an adult and a lot of things I didn’t think of before are coming to my mind and I don’t know how to cope with them.

You: as in sexual things?

Thorin: yes

You: as much as I hate to admit it, but I’ve had sexual thoughts about about you since… A week into the quest.

Thorin: perhaps we should see where they take us?

You: get in here and let’s find out.

ima miss the tiddies not even in a horny way they’re just nice to look at

how much do i have to zoom in on a pic of my elbow before it gets flagged

never mind tumblr shot me on fucking sight

Fuck tumblr

my grandma’s watching fox news and i’m overhearing then losing their absolute shit over millennials not buying kraft singles

let’s be real though, it deserves to die.

it doesn’t taste anything like cheese.

@staff

this really is stonewall for horny people

Watching this place fall apart but realizing were finally free to leave

We’re getting out!

In response to Tumblr’s new content guidelines prohibiting the depiction of “female presenting” nipples.

There’s a lot else I’m mad about in these new TOS, but this is the most laughably ridiculous.

@staff you clearly made an attempt to be seen as a progressive site that doesn’t just ban women’s chests, but you failed. you failed so badly. A nipple can’t present as female or male, because it is an inanimate body part.

In response, therefore, and in cheerful sarcastic collaboration with my friends, I’ve composed a series of artworks responding to this decision and depicting “female presenting nipples”.

I have watercolours, spite, and the ability to keep doing this. @staff please reconsider your ridiculous, inconsistent, and unworkably restrictive rules.

Image Descriptions: seven paintings done in watercolours with pen.

1: a flat chested, well muscled person seen from neck to waist. Their left nipple has a pen sketch of a short haired man with a football drawn over it, with the nipple as his nose. The right nipple has a pen sketch of a busty lady in a skirt and heels, holding a handbag. Speech bubbles from the nipples read “I present female…” “And I present male!”

2) an image of a curvy, plump, brown skinned person with large, unequally sized breasts, seen from neck to waist. The breasts have comically exaggerated eyelashes on the areloae, so that the nipples form eyes, and there is a pair of red cartoon lips on the sternum, forming a face. A speech bubble from the lips reads “We’re female, actually.”

3) A torso is split vertically, blending between a curvy, dark skinned, large breasted person on the left and a pale, flat cheated, well muscled person on the right. To the left of the torso, a series of words in various colours reads “PORN”, a X mark, and then “sexual”, “ inappropriate ”, “ dirty”, “wrong” and “sin”. To the right, words read “ ART”, a tick mark, and then “freedom of expression”, “ inspiration ”, “ health”, “aesthetic”, “ pure”.

4) A pale skinned woman in black lingerie with long dark hair, seen from her mouth down to her thighs. She is wearing a black harness bra which shows her nipples. Her left nipple has a piercing shaped like the alchemical symbol for “male” (a circle with an arrow pointing up and right) and a false moustache under it. Her right nipple has a piercing in the shape of the alchemical female symbol (a circle with a cross beneath it) and another false moustache.

5) A picture of a brown skinned trans man. He is shown full length, wearing green boxers, with one hand stretched out towards the viewer as though to stop them. He has short black hair, a beard, and large breasts. Text either side of him reads “He is presenting male…” “… but are his nipples?”

6) A picture of a breast seen in profile. The breast is painted with the trans flag, although the nipple is skin tone. To the right of the breast text reads “Nipples have neither GENDER nor GENDER PRESENTATION”.

7) A cartoon of a pale pink nipple and areola. There are eyelashes over the nipple itself, making it appear like an eye, and bright red lips on the areola. It has long blonde hair, and below the areola is a cartoon pair of curvy legs in a long purple skirt with purple heels. The caption reads “A ” female presenting “ nipple”.

Like. I’m a firm believer that porn online shouldn’t be within kids reach (those “are you 18” checkboxes for life) but. Like. Ok first of all, just ban cp? It’s not hard? Cp is what got you into this mess just ban it. Second of all, you could increase the age of sign-up from 13 to 18. Third of all, you could do what deviantart does and just. Require birthdays at sign-up. If your blog is flagged as nsfw, you can’t interact with minors. You want to follow an nsfw blog? Prove you’re an adult. You’re an adult but don’t want to see nsfw content? Safe search (that actually works).

It’s not hard to make a functioning website, but staff doesn’t seem to want to do that.

I can’t reblog this enough!

Like. I’m a firm believer that porn online shouldn’t be within kids reach (those “are you 18” checkboxes for life) but. Like. Ok first of all, just ban cp? It’s not hard? Cp is what got you into this mess just ban it. Second of all, you could increase the age of sign-up from 13 to 18. Third of all, you could do what deviantart does and just. Require birthdays at sign-up. If your blog is flagged as nsfw, you can’t interact with minors. You want to follow an nsfw blog? Prove you’re an adult. You’re an adult but don’t want to see nsfw content? Safe search (that actually works).

It’s not hard to make a functioning website, but staff doesn’t seem to want to do that.

Mulan (1998) dir. Tony Bancroft & Barry Cook

#me when I lose my mom at the grocery store

“I’m very sorry to hear that mr Loki sir”

Truth coming out of her well (with female-presenting nipples) to shame everyone

oh sweet irony

A better, more positive Tumblr

Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.

Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).  

Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.

So what is changing?

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.

Why are we doing this?

It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.

So what’s next?

Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.

Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.

Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.

Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.

Jeff D’Onofrio CEO

Oof

Get Out (2017) The opening of the film is partially inspired by the opening of Halloween (1978), which Jordan Peele describes as a subversion of “the perfect white neighborhood.”

I know exactly what the fucking reply is. I don’t need to look closely, I know exactly which motherfucker you put in the distance

this is the greatest tweet of 2018

.