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@lilbabymushroom

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i love hearing your stories
about your friends
and their jokes
that make you laugh
so hard your sides hurt.
i love hearing that
they make you happy
because i want nothing more
than for you to be happy.
and i do mean that,
but i cannot help the envy
that rises in my throat
when i think of them
getting to watch you laugh,
of the pride they must feel
when their joke lands just right
and your nose crinkles
in that way that it does
and your eyes light up,
too bright to look away from
and too beautiful to want to try.
i am not jealous that they
get to make you laugh,
i want you to laugh
all day and every day
and as much as your heart desires,
but i am jealous of how close to you
they get to be when they do it.
i have to watch you laugh from afar
and though it is the sweetest
melody that i have ever heard,
i would give anything
to be able to reach out and
brush my fingers over the place
where your nose scrunches in pleasure,
to run my fingers over your lips
and feel the way your smile
curves underneath them,
to place my hand on your chest
and feel the vibration under it
as your body shakes out
all of the joy that
it cannot keep inside.
i want to feel your laughter.
i want to run my hands over it
and call it home.
-mars

Looking at her feels like seeing the history of my soul. It’s as if every life before this has included her. Whether she was the snow that fell on my favorite mornings, the tenderhearted cat that snuck his way into my home, or my lover. She has always been here.

i want to gather every thought of you in my mind

i want to pick them like violets in the spring

i want to hold them in my hands like baby catfish in the summer

i want to collect them like vibrant leaves in the fall

i want to catch them like snowflakes on my tongue in the winter

i want to love you every season

i want my words to grow in your heart

white roses in sandy soil

a love like the first warm winds of April

a love like June sunlight spilling through my window

a love like the sweet flavors of October

a love like the first snow of December

i want a love that matches the world outside